A Willing Spirit

New Blog site

2010-12-15T11:49:00.002-06:00

Merry Christmas to all of you. I wanted to tell you that we have a new blog page. You can find it at awillingspirit.com

It is a work in progress and I am just learning to edit it and add pics and other content so please be patient and check up with us from time to time.

Bustling

2010-11-25T00:45:00.002-06:00

Well, I've arrived safely back in Rwanda after my trip back for my dad's funeral. Thanks to everyone who prayed for my family. It was great to see many of you and I am very sorry for those I could not find or did not get to spend time with. We will be back in the US for our furlough around May 1, 2011.

Today is Thanksgiving day and last night Kristin and I sat on the couch and talked about how we missed being in the States for the holidays. We discussed some of the things we missed and memories of past holidays. We are so blessed to have a great family here and a great Thanksgiving day dinner and fellowship with our team.

As I reflected on what it was about Thanksgiving that really increased our "cultural fatigue" I settled on a few subtle "holiday" emotional triggers that just seem to be missing here.

1. The weather. In the Midwest, there is almost always cold weather. We certainly don't have that here. We miss the "chance of snow" on the days after Thanksgiving.

2. Changing of the leaves. It's odd to set out all of our "fall" decor with the browns, golds and deep reds but not be able to see any outside. The trees never change color here. The get dirty in the dry season but never change color.

3. The biggest thing for me this year was the "bustling". I was in the States this past week and I happened to go to Wal-Mart on the Saturday before I left, which I didn't realize at the time was the Saturday before Thanksgiving. It was crazy busy. It felt like the holidays. Now that I'm back, there is no bustling. Rwandans obviously don't celebrate American Thanksgiving, nor do the Canadians, British or other nationalities. School is in, they did make it a half day so the Americans can celebrate Thanksgiving but it's back to a full day of school tomorrow. I guess all the bustling I'm going to get this holiday is seeing all the American people I know at the local grocery yesterday afternoon buying up the last of the chickens or baking soda (which I never found).

Well, despite the lack of bustling, we are blessed and find many things to be thankful for this holiday season. Thank you again for praying for us and we would love to hear from you and have the chance to pray for you and your family this holiday season as well. Most all of you have my email address so please feel free to send us a family picture or a quick note with prayer requests or family updates. If you don't have my email address, I'm on Facebook so just look me up. I'm easy to find.

Blessings and Happy Thanksgiving.

Brian

Loss

2010-11-09T09:48:00.002-06:00

I want to let you all know that my dad passed away today. I have so little that I can say about it right now. Certainly we will miss him very much. The kids are broken, each in their own way. Samuel lost his fishing buddy and Madda lost a guy who thought she was the best.

As I wrote in my journal last night, and those of you who knew my dad, would agree that he led a life of torment. The end of his life was plagued not just by physical pain but by an emotional pain whose source was invisible to me and much of his friends. I know that Satan tormented him badly and my father allowed it as some sort of punishment for things in his past. He rarely shared those things with others but I know they weighed on him greatly. I am thankful for his rest now and the fact that he is set free.

I pray that God will bring justice upon the wicked and send his wrath upon the enemy. I pray that the sin of this world will pass away and all be made new again. I pray that Satan will be bound forever, never to torment another soul the way he did my father.

Please pray for my family and the time we will have together. Pray that we will find peace together and that I can bring the healing of Jesus Christ to my family over the next two weeks.

Blessings.

CHE (Community Health Evangelism)

2010-08-25T14:16:00.003-05:00

Joselyn Jelsma (CHE trainer),
Charles Kabeza (ATN administrator)
David Kimbrow
David and Felix
Heath Amos

During our time in Rwanda we have been praying for God to show us ways to interact with people in our area. Specifically those in the valley below us. Even Samuel has been saving his coins so he can go down in the valley with me to buy vegetables from some of the people we know who live there. The problem with such a place is that there is not only a language barrier but also a huge cultural barrier that is greater than just nationality. It is economic. Not even to the degree that I was used to in America but what most Americans would feel like if they went outside to get their newspaper and found Bill Gates and Donald Trump strolling down the street. Finding ways to help these wonderful people without feeling like you have caused some type of dependence that is based on money or in my case, skills is difficult.

During this past couple months as I have been praying for God to show me a way to better interact and better help those that live in the valley near me he has shown me CHE or community health evangelism.

CHE is a program that allows us to interact with community leaders and engage them in conversations about what they think their community needs rather than what we feel they need. When we put our thoughts towards fixing their problems, they also expect our money. During our CHE training we have began to develop insights into helping communities fight disease and poverty as a community team and to find dependence on each other and hopefully God in the process.

I know it sounds simple but in a cultural setting like Rwanda it is easy to get lost in the belief that in order to be effective you have to have big projects help lots of people. This training has reminded us that helping communities and saving the lost starts with one person at a time.

Please pray for our team this week as we finish our training and begin to coordinate our thoughts and ideas and especially pray for use as we ask God to show us the communities he has chosen as our CHE community. Also pray for patience. CHE is a long term project that is built on relationships. Pray that we can continue to build those basic and foundational relationships with those who live near us that are struggling to live day to day.

An Eleven Year Miracle...

2010-07-22T06:38:00.003-05:00

Most parents know that children force us to talk about things we might not ever talk about otherwise. In 1998 we had a baby that was stillborn. We probably would rarely mention him, but our children love to bring up the subject (even to strangers! J). Even though they never knew him, our children talk about him, discuss his age, look at his pictures and talk about meeting him in heaven. And they make sure our oldest daughter understands she’s not REALLY the oldest child in our family!

Our baby in heaven is not really the subject of my blog today, but I needed to lay the foundation for you. We had 2 miscarriages, our baby that was stillborn, and then another miscarriage. The doctors ran many tests and told us to start the adoption process. You know what that means. They pretty much thought we would never have children.

During that time we were living in Hershey, PA while Brian did his Medical Residency. The small church we attended there became our family and when we grieved, they grieved with us. They cried with us, brought us meals (I told them not to, but thankfully they didn’t listen), and just carried us through that difficult time. (We love you, gracepointechurchofchrist!)

And then…

We got pregnant again.

We half-heartedly waited to give the first big chunk of money towards adoption. We fearfully attended many, many doctors appointments. We went through the anxiety of “to tell or not to tell.” (We told. We needed the prayers.) Some of our dearest friends drove an hour and a half to be there with us for the first big ultrasound. (I’ll never forget you being there in that moment, Tim and Tracy.)

And there she was on the screen.

A perfect baby girl. A strong heartbeat. All the right organs. 10 fingers. 10 toes. A sigh of relief. A few tears. And many, many prayers of thanksgiving. (I think Tracy and I jumped up and down screaming afterwards… or maybe that was about getting to go out to eat?)

We had to name her “Grace,” of course. No other name would do for such a miraculous gift from God. Undeserved on so many levels.

When Grace was born our church family rejoiced with us. You truly cannot imagine. When someone grieves with you the rejoicing is that much sweeter. She was not just our baby, she was the church’s baby. When we would arrive on Sunday morning she would disappear in the arms of a loving church family member, get passed around, reappear when it was time to eat, and then disappear again. When it was time to leave I would have to ask “Who has my baby now?” When she “talked cute noises” during the service they wanted her to stay in the auditorium so they could listen. (Sermon? What sermon?) I’m pretty sure our minister held her while he made the announcements on several occasions.

Today is the 11^th anniversary of that momentous occasion. Yes, Grace is 11 years old today. I cry as I remember the circumstances surrounding her birth, and, yet, I praise God for His gift. Grace is a joyful treasure in our family. She is a smart, beautiful girl, and her excitement and zest for life are contagious. If you know her, you know the definition of enthusiasm. Of leadership. Of generosity. She sings, she dances, and she has the longest eyelashes I’ve ever seen. She can spend 30 minutes telling you the entire plot to a movie she’s seen. She can recall the minutest biblical trivia. She’s her Mommy’s soul and her Daddy’s heart.

Happy Birthday, Grace. You are dearly loved by many people, most of all by your Mommy and Daddy. You are so amazing—we can’t wait to see how God is going to use you!

Modern Marvels by Kristin

2010-07-14T09:01:00.013-05:00

Our neighborhood just got street signs.

It's quite exciting.

Our house is at the top of a T shaped intersection (that's our roof you can see in the picture) so one of the new signs is right in front of our house. The children had to go out and touch it and marvel at it.

Now when someone asks how to get to our house we can give them more precise directions.

Kind of.

Just so you can see what an impact having a street sign will have on us, here is a picture of our street:

You'd be surprised at the amount of vehicular traffic... :-)

Nearing the Corner

2010-06-29T14:04:00.003-05:00

When we arrived in Rwanda our new team began to dream and pray about what God wants from us as a team. I'm not sure we initially planned to "go big" but by the time we had finished our mission and vision statements and set our long term and short term goals, we were looking at BIG. In short our goal has become the discipling of all of Rwanda. We knew from the beginning that this was an impossible task for us but we believed God was expecting us to recruit Rwandans who have a heart to see their nation changed and redeemed. For over 6 months we have been praying and recruiting prayer partners to pray Luke 10:2b. (Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.)

One clear blessing from God was his leading of a Rwandan to our team who by the nature of his previous job at a local seminary has hundreds of relationships with preachers all over Rwanda. It is through these contacts that we have been invited to so many Rwandan churches to teach our obedience bible studies.

As I mentioned in my last post we go as often as we are invited to these rural churches to teach a gospel of obedience.

In the past these training weekends were done by foreign missionaries and one or two Rwandans. However, this past week we went to our first obedience training and had 6 Rwandans and only 3 missionaries.

We are so thankful for God's faithfulness in answering our prayers to raise up workers from the Harvest.

We know that this one success does not mean our work is complete but we continue to pray for Rwandans to join our work.

We are praying in pairs for God to raise up workers from the harvest and we ask all of you to find a prayer partner who you can pray with daily for Rwandans to be raised up to carry the gospel of obedience and healing into their own land.

An update on Kingdom work

2010-04-25T13:06:00.002-05:00

We have been blessed so much over the last couple weeks with the opportunity to visit some rural churches. During our visits to these churches we guide those members who come through the process of discovery bible study. In these sessions we hope to find people of peace who will partner with us and take our study into their village. Our prayers for these people were not only for them to be a light into their own village but because they were less than 1 mile from the border of the DRC (Democratic Republic of Congo) that they would be able to reach their neighbors in Congo. They can cross the boarder without a passport since they live there and the opportunity for them to reach Congo for Christ is huge.

We arrived on Friday night and the view from the church was amazing. On one side you could see lake Kivu (one of the great lakes of Africa), to the opposite side you could see an active volcano glowing red in the night and in front of us was the border of DRC less than one mile away. There is hardly a place on earth that is more beautiful but I can assure you, there are few places on earth that are as spiritually oppressed as this place.

After we arrived we began teaching DBS and prayer walking through the town. The first lesson is about obedience and how you cannot love Jesus if you do not follow his command. Since the power was out we had to stop earlier than we expected so we just went home.

The following day was Saturday and Umuganda (the day where everyone in Rwanda is "required" to work in their neighborhood). So we got there and helped them work around the church. Following lunch we began teaching again. By the time we had finished our work for umuganda and had lunch Kristin had called to say that the battery in the car was dead and that she was stuck at home. In addition one of the other wives called to say that as she was driving down our road when her brakes went out. We knew Satan was attacking so we just kept praying for our families and our work. As we finished the lessons I received a text from Kristin that said, "Grace accidently turned the guest shower all the way on instead of off and it burst. Pipe has separated from the wall. Hopefully not too hard to fix". I just kept praying. As I pondered our work and our problems at home I said to myself, "Satan, you have been hitting us hard but if you think you're going to stop this work you're going to have to try harder than that". Should not have said that. Within 5 minutes of that statement Kristin called to say that Aaron had fallen (actually been pushed) off the top bunk and hit the back of his head on the window sill and had to have stitches. She was going to have to take him to the ER in Kigali because I could not get there to suture him myself.

Well I have to say that it was hard. I wanted to come home and fix it but I couldn't. We all knew we were doing important work and we were in a battle.

The following morning, Felix, our Rwandan friend who went with us was invited back to follow up on the training. He reported to us at lunch that about 8 people from the training had come to church. One of them was a Muslim women who had gone home and told her Muslim husband that she had accepted Jesus. As you would expect, he beat her. She came back to church the following morning and said that she didn't care and that she was going to come to church and obey Jesus.

For those of you who struggle with or believe that direct spiritual warfare is "antiquated" or not real then my answer to you is that you may not actually be in the fight. The Bible warns many times about Satan and his craftiness and persecution of believers. I can give personal testimony that Satan is real and is present in the lives of believers of Jesus. We are easily distracted by his works and if not for the power of the Holy Sprit we might have missed the redemption of a lost sheep this weekend.

We all ask that you pray diligently against our common enemy and that our families will be protected as we continue to go out and make disciples in Rwanda.

A Funny Story--posted by Kristin

2010-02-23T02:02:00.005-06:00

This semester Aaron has started attending a local nursery school. It's run by some Catholic nuns and most young children in our neighborhood attend school there. It's called "Saint Vincent de Paul" and it's about 100 yards from our gate. There are several great things about Aaron going to school there. It gives us some common ground with our neighbors, he's friends with neighborhood children (I'm telling you, he's our best missionary--everyone around here knows Aaron), and best of all--he's learning to speak Kinyarwandan! A teammate's 3 year old daughter also attends school there, so he started out with a friend.

Most of the teachers there speak some English, so even though communication is difficult, it's not impossible. That being said, here's the scenario from Friday:

The phone rings. It's the Headmistress. This is already cause for concern...

Nun: Aaron must come to get his cart.

Me: His what?

Nun: His card. He wanted it very much and we told him he could have it after school.

Me (now really confused): His card?

Nun: Yes, yes. He cried for it. He must come now if he wants it.

Me: Ok, I will send him.

It was hot that day, and I had already had my second shower of the day, so I sent Madelyn up the hill with Aaron. (maybe my first mistake?) It was his birthday, so I was guessing it was:

A. A card they made

B. A cart, like a toy?

Wrong!...

It was a cat.

A kitten to be exact.

You didn't know "cat" was pronounced "cart," did you?

Longing for Home

2010-02-10T05:45:00.003-06:00

Sometimes I have such an intense longing for home.

It's not usually for anything in particular (except you, Mom :-), but it's usually for the "ease" of life in America. Fast food (just 'cause it's fast), the convenience of stores that have what I need, knowing where to go to get what I need, a paved road to get there, and the list goes on.

...A longing for the familiar.

...A longing for where I fit in.

...A longing for a place where I am understood.

...A longing for a place where I understand.

But...

THIS is how I should be longing for Heaven!

Oh my.

I realize I must reverse my thoughts. When I long for America now, I wonder about Heaven. I think about how much better Heaven will be than Tyler. (Is it possible? Surely there will be Andy's Frozen Custard in Heaven.) Not only are Heaven's streets paved, they are paved with gold! I won't have to go searching for what I need, BECAUSE I WON'T NEED ANYTHING! Forget "fast food"... how about "instant feast?!" And the list goes on...

A longing for the familiar... so many familiar faces I can't wait to see in Heaven.

A longing for where I fit in... where else but Heaven will I fit in with the One who created me.

A longing for a place where I am understood... in Heaven not only my language will be understood, but my heart will be understood.

A longing for a place where I understand... in Heaven I will understand the hearts and language of others.

My prayer today is that my heart will long for my home in Heaven more than any other place.

Psalm 42:1-2 "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?"

Psalm 84:1-2 "How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord Almighty! My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God."

Phil. 3:20 "But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ..."

John 15:19b "As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world..."

And I couldn't finish up without a reference to "This world is not my home, I'm just a'passin through, my treasures are layed up somewhere beyond the blue, the angels beckon me from Heaven's open door and I can't feel at home in this world anymore!"

Just stamp my passport with a "Visitors Visa,"

Kristin

Running in Rwanda

2010-02-01T13:02:00.003-06:00

Brian has been after me for months to post something to the blog. So. Here it is. The first post from Kristin.

I recently posted this "note" on FaceBook so I thought I would re-post it here in case you missed it.

I've had many unusual experiences while running in Rwanda.
This morning's, though, was the most interesting by far.

Commonly children run along behind me, or out onto the dirt road to greet me, and I've even had a woman run with me in her skirt and pumps so she could talk to me and practice her English. (so much for my speed)

This morning 5 boys around 8-10 years old started running along behind me. Sometimes young men run when they see me, but that's so they can make fun of me and mimic me. These younger boys just thought it would be fun to run with the crazy white lady. Well, I thought, I might as well MAKE it fun! So I ran "serpentine" (with them following), I ran around a mud puddle...and then ran around it again--they just followed right along! I threw my arms out and skidded to a stop and yelled "Hagarara!" (Stop!) They looked at me with startled eyes and I yelled "Genda!" (Go!) and went tearing off down the road. They caught on to THAT game immediately, and had the random adults along the road laughing. We even ran up a driveway and shook hands with a woman and told her "Mwaramutse" (Good morning).

I told my "followers" I would see them on Monday. What do you think--there'll be at least 10 boys next time? :-)

I must update here and tell you that I started running at 5:30am so I haven't been back to see my "followers." I'm sure the next time I run at 9am they'll all be there to greet me.

Discipleship

2010-01-26T13:07:00.002-06:00

I have blogged a couple of times on discipleship. I have come to Rwanda to be a disciple maker. I am so thankful for the moments God gives me to grow as a person and a parent. This week he spoke to me in a simple and quiet way that allowed me to change my daily routine and hopefully to change the lives of my children.

Marty (one of my teammates) and I were having lunch with another missionary in Rwanda this week. The funny thing is we were meeting to discuss how we could incorporate our Discovery Bible Study into his ministry even though he had been in Africa longer than both of us together. He has had the deep desire for quite a long time to change his ministry from a church planting ministry and to actually start discipling people. I would guess he is a man in his 50s and he is the son of missionaries. As we sat and talked he shared his desire to bring people to a far deeper relationship with God and commented on how planting churches fell short of this. He said to us, "I woke up one day and realized that even though my parents were missionaries, I was never discipled". Now he did not mean he was did not see the word of God lived out in his home or the lives of his parents. What he meant was that his parents never took him along side of themselves and with intentional words told him how to live and have a deeper relationship with God. I was struck by this and have been thinking about it all week. It is so common to say that we influence people for Christ by the way we live. "We can win more souls by being a good example than by opening our mouths". I'm sure I've said this and before this week I might have agreed to some extent but as I watch my children grow and learn about Christ in their school and on the mission field I have to say, "Hog wash". There is plenty said in the Bible about living right and being a good example but let's not confuse people. Let's not allow them to simply watch us and assume we are good people. Even many non christians "act right". We should not let the world confuse us with them and we should not let our children be confused by this concept. When Jesus "discipled" his disciples he did not just walk around and act nice. He invited them into his dwelling place. He brought them along side of himself and he spoke to them with wisdom only he could have. I must do this for my children. I have read the Bible to them nightly for as long as they can remember but that is not discipling them either. Teaching application is discipling. Discipling is imparting wisdom and confessing our mistakes and letting them walk the trails of faith with us so that they will have a map by which to navigate when I am longer around .

I am now afraid of another thing in my life. That my son will sit down some day with a missionary 15 years younger than himself and confess that he was never discipled by his parents. This was God speaking to me and praise to Him that on that day I had ears to hear.

Just remember, when you put your kids in bed at night or when you sit at the table to eat, pray, read and share. Don't let them make the mistake of thinking that you're simply "a good person". Let's remind them that there is more to being a disciple than acting like one.

For a great example of how to disciple your kids read Deuteronomy 6:4

⁴ Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. ⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. ⁸ Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ⁹ Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Blessing to all. We give thanks to God daily for so many of you who love and support us.

What's in a NUMB3R

2010-01-17T02:47:00.002-06:00

Disclaimer: For those who can speak Kinyarwanda and take time to read my blog (a very small population I'm sure) the spelling and correctness of the Kinyarwanda words in this post are not guaranteed. As with all things, I will accept some gentle ridicule but be gentle.

We have recommitted ourselves to language now that the holiday season has come and gone. We are hitting it hard and we began our year with review of numbers and then new material on saying dates and time. By the time we got to saying the Month, day and year sequentially you could see steam coming out of Kristin's ears and her head was spinning around.

In Kinyarwanda they are very literal in the naming of their days and months. They don't use the traditional Roman roots as we do.

Here are some examples of numbers

1=rimwe

2=kabiri

3=gatatu

4=kane

5=gatanu

...

10 icumi

11-19 is logical, thus 11 is 10 and 1 (icumi na rimwe)

when you get to twenty it gets a little more complicated in that it follows the nomenclature for the teens rather than the 30s and 40s. 20 is makumyabiri. Broken down that is makum ya biri (pretty much means double ten). To say 30 or 40 you use Mirongo itatu and Mirongo ine (sort of means 3 in the tens place and 4 in the tens place)

When you use numbers in a sentence the "prefix" changes. For example. We have four kids so we say tufite (we have) abana (children plural) bane (four). However if you are talking about chairs you say "tufite inhebe (chair) ine (four). The numbers change prefixes with each class of nouns, of which there are 10.

Now you get to days of the week. The week starts on Monday rather than Sunday so:

Monday=Kuwa mbere (literally means first day)

Tuesday=Kuwa kabiri (second day)

and so on.

Months

January=mu kwa mbere (first month)

February=mu kwa kabiri (second month)

Time:

The day starts at 7 am rather than midnight.

7am is Samoya

8 am is Sambiri (second hour)

9 am is Satatu (third hour)

this holds true all the way to 6 pm which is Sacumi nebyiri (12th our) at which time you change back to Samoya (7 o'clock) but add zu mugoroba or literally 7 o'clock in the evening.

So when someone tells me what time they want to meet I have to count up from 7 am on my fingers in order to figure out when I need to arrive and then I have to ask them to repeat it so that I make sure they didn't say mugoroba. I did have a guy show up in the morning to meet me because I did not say mugoroba (at night). Oh well, you live and learn and thrive on the graciousness of others.

Now for that which sent my wife into orbit. We were having a very slow conversation in Kinyarwanda with our teacher and he asked us what our plans were for the coming year. Madelyn's birth day is January 22, 2010. So you say.

Madelyna afite (Madeyln, she has) umunsi mukuru (a special day) mukwa mbere (January) macumyabiri na kabiri (twenty and 2), ibihumbi (thousand plural) bibiri (2) na cumi (and 10). (Madelyn has a birthday (special day) on January twenty second, two thousand ten).

All in all it isn't too bad. It is all perspective. When they learn english I'm certain it is similar frustration. I often hear someone quote me the price of something incorrectly by interchanging one hundred for one thousand. There is pattern and logic to it and that defines the Kinyawanda language. It strives to be somewhat poetic and very logical.

We need prayers for language. We feel we are doing better each day but we need the prayers so that we can give our daily time up to God. We are not capable of organizing our own time each day and if we try we end up giving it to Satan and doing those things which get us nowhere. Only when we give our time to God do we suddenly find ourselves wanting to study and focus on the purpose of our time here: Give the word of God to the people of Rwanda in their own language.

Merry Christmas From Rwanda National Team

2009-12-24T03:25:00.002-06:00

Merry Christmas to all from Rwanda.

Counting Nails

2009-11-30T13:58:00.003-06:00

In the moments before going to bed I was hit by another moment of cultural frustration. It hardly seems worth writing about but I personally found it actually humorous.

Our home, although a God send for sure, has less storage space than our home in America. Less than most homes in America. It does not have a garage or attic and most homes here are not built with the idea of having a washer and drier inside. So, we have our washer and drier (I still have not called an electrician) on the back porch. The washer is hooked up in a hodge-podge way with a garden hose to the water main. We commonly have to wash loads twice because our worker or a child turns the water off in the middle of the wash cycle. Sometimes the city water pressure drops in the middle of the cycle and the washer cannot hand the low pressure and shuts off.

The storage rooms we have are not big enough for my tools, the washer and dryer and most of the other items we had in our garage and shed in Tyler. These items in addition to the items that would go in an attic (Holiday decor and kid's clothing that are waiting for the next child to grow into them) won't fit in our home nor our storage. We need to get our washer off the porch and into the storage room where a plumber can hook it to the water main properly. Well the landlord was really big on the idea of paying for an additional add on storage room (sarcasm here). His exact words were, sure "you" can build more storage if you like. He'd love that, I add the storage on and he ups the rent because the property value goes up. Well my idea is to build lofts in our two storage rooms. Far less expense and I can take it apart and take the wood with me when I move.

Tomorrow is construction day and I have been sitting here calculating the board foot needed to build the frame and the size I will need to cut my plywood. I have to be careful about the plywood because the only plywood around is the material some of the shipping boxes were made from and you generally can't buy it here. As I was thinking about the frame I came to the point where you plan how to attach the frame to the walls of the building. You have to use really large nails because all walls are sun dried or furnace baked brick with sprayed concrete over them. You have to drive the nails through the wood and into the brick walls.

I realized during this process that I was beginning to acclimate to Rwandan culture. Why? Because I was counting nails.

In America you go to Lowes or Home Depot and buy a box of nails, maybe two just in case. Well here in Rwanda you plan your job and you go to one of the only hardware stores where the owner likes mzungus and I feel like she gives me a good price (I call this place Little Lowes, and it's located in a place I like to call Lowes Town because there are at least 10 hardware stores on the same block). She only sells the big nails in single units. So I have to count nails. You cannot imaging the depression that would ensue if I was about to finish and realized I was a single nail short. Driving to downtown Kigali to buy a single nail might just do me in. So, I better count my nails carefully.

Blessing to all. Hope all is well this Holiday season.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-27T13:59:00.003-06:00

What a team. God is so good!
You butcher 'em, you fry 'em, you carve 'em.
Even girls can play horseshoes. Doesn't she look like a natural?

Well, happy Thanksgiving to all.

We had a great time for Thanksgiving dinner. As many of you know, some of the guys (David and Chris) had the idea of raising some turkeys for Thanksgiving. What a great idea. After we butchered them and they sat in my freezer for about 6 weeks it was time to find out if they were edible. As always the Robinson clan decided to go with the Cajun Fried Turkey. It wasn't easy in Rwanda. Since our container was full I had to leave our turkey frying pot and burner in the states. Turns out it didn't matter. We were able to buy a 20 liter pot at one of the stores here and since frying foods is a Rwanda past time oil, although expensive, is plentiful. After a night of prep (and someone didn't put 100% into plucking their turkey) we were able to get the oil plenty hot on one of Marty's rocket stoves. Worked like a charm. We fried two turkeys, a chicken and 4 lb of chicken quarters. Wow was it good. I do have to say that as good as the food was it was not nearly as good as the fellowship. We had the best Redneck Thanksgiving ever. Fried turkeys and horseshoes. It really is amazing that even though we are 10,000 miles away we were able to reproduce a great southern Thanksgiving right here in Rwanda. It was a blessing to all who attended. I can honestly say that it was a day that brought peace. We knew that no one else around us was celebrating or even cared what was going on but it was a short moment of peace and fun.

On the flip side, "Black Friday" brought many disappointments. Kristin was able to speak to her family last night as they were preparing for their annual trip to Wal-Mart, Kohls and so on. They were cutting out adds and planning their route. Even I was surprised by how much I missed that. I don't usually participate in the shopping but just the day of rest after Thanksgiving with family was missed. We kind of made up for it by doing some online shopping. Not quite the same. At least no one had to wake up at 4 am to stand in line at Wal-Mart. But just so we didn't miss out, Kristin had to get up at 4 am to help Samuel who was having his turn at Africa diarrhea.

After resting and cleaning up after Thanksgiving our family decided to put up our tree. It was cloudy and cool (about 68 degrees) so it almost felt cold. But no snow, no chill in the wind. Just 68 degrees, same as every other day. We pulled out all three of our Christmas bins that made it here on the container. I think we left at least 3 or 4 in Tyler that wouldn't make it on the container. This bothers us because in our unpacking we have found things like a bin of empty figurine boxes and a couple boxes with only one or two things in them. Too bad they didn't have the Christmas ornament hooks in them. That was probably one of the most frustrating things yet. We had no hooks to put our ornaments on the tree with. Fortunately Louise Koonce was able to abate the depression with a box of paper clips. We made it through. Our tree is up and at least the inside of our house looks like Christmas.

We are actually doing quite well. The kids are enjoying school and we have began to feel settled as we unpack more and more boxes.

I have met with the department heads at Kigali Health Institute and have begun to make plans to begin teaching in their nursing midwife program and their laboratory medicine program. I will teach a section of chemical pathology during the Endocrine module but as we talked, the director kept asking me if I could teach Hematology. I kept saying I wasn't as qualified to teach this as Endocrine but I could probably teach part of it. He finally told me that his Hematology instructor quit last month and they had no replacement as of yet. I conceded and agreed to teach Hematology to the second year students. Fortunately it was actually my best subject and my first choice for specialty however I was not interested in taking care of cancer patients and thus went to Endocrine. I know it is going to be hard the first couple classes but I pray and ask for prayers for it to become easier.

I am thankful for this chance to teach because it gives me and ATN (Africa Transformation Network) another opportunity to impact Rwanda and show ourselves committed in the eyes of the government. It allows me access to young men and women who will influence thousands of others in Rwanda. The best thing about Rwanda, it's alright to be a teacher and a christian. I have the chance to interact not only intellectually but spiritually with a hundred young people. I pray, as I mentioned before in my previous blogs about disciple making, that I can be constantly intentional about expressing my faith in every interaction at KHI.

The bible study going in my neighborhood has been struggling. I believe Satan is attacking it hard. The leader of the group had a death in the family after the first meeting and thus had to take the obligatory week of mourning. This happened on a Sunday and so the week lasted until the following Sunday. It prevented two meetings. However I was able to minister to the man and his wife and was actually able to have him in our home during the mourning time for encouragement. On my visit to his home to pay respects he asked me if I could read to him from my bible. I was so shocked but pleased. God uses all opportunities to reach people.

We had a successful study this past Sunday and at the end of the study one of the attendees said he was wanting to invite two of his near neighbors and have the study in his house.

I would like to ask for prayers for Lugira. He is a young man I might have mentioned before who is Rwanda-Congolese and grew up in a "church home". He loves God but stated that he has never studied the bible in this way before and never considered that you could have church outside "a church". He is doing one bible study here in Kigali but recently has expressed to me his desire to reach the displaced Congolese in the refugee camps here in Rwanda. At first I thought this was just too huge but I realized that this is just what our team has been praying for. We want to reach millions of Rwandans and we have to have Rwandans to reach Rwandans. Here is a young man who has a special skill (able to speak 5 languages and is not white). He was able to visit one of the camps and blended in perfectly. He met with the 12 pastors (there are 15,000 people in the camp) of the camp. He was actually able to get them all to meet in the same place. This was the first time that the 12 pastors of this camp have ever met together as a group. He explained to them about the concept of neighborhood groups and how neighborhood bible studies could and would produce stronger members and socially accountable groups. He explained how neighborhoods become families when they read the word of God together. The pastors were just amazed at the idea of having church outside of church. There is not a single church in the camp that has been started by a refugee. They were all started by outside, approved denominations and are full of people who simply have no where else to go on Sunday morning. He describes it as the only entertainment they get. He has been able to meet with them twice and has now asked me to train him in the details of the Disciple Making Method. He wants to teach church planting to ministers in the refugee camp!

In my mind this is huge and it is overwhelming. However, God has no limits and Lugira is motivated. Please pray for me and my team as we try to train this young man and that God is in this. It is easy for projects like this, especially this size, to fizzle but this is because of the doubt in our hearts. Pray that we will believe in God's mighty hand and that we will allow God to show himself mighty. Please pray that Lugira is also honest and open. In Africa it is especially hard to identify those who would take advantage of you. It is hard to read them when you don't understand their language or their culture. I have prayed about this repeatedly and I know others here have been praying as well. I went as far as asking one of the Rwandans who works at ATN to go to the camp with him. The report from this was favorable and so please pray for his integrity.

I hope you all know that I pray for you often. Many of those who read this blog I know by name and pray for by name and others I simply lift you up in prayer to the Lord and ask him to reveal you to me. I praise God for each of you and ask Him to bless you and open your hearts and show you a new way to love Him and share Him.

I ask for your prayers, for the men mentioned above and for my family. We are having our first Thanksgiving and Christmas in Africa and that has already been hard. We are blessed by all those who have given themselves in pray and who have supported our family financially. We thank God for all of those who put food on our table. We ask you also to pray for the kids school. The semester is almost over and we have yet to raise the money for next semester. We pray and ask God to lift up those who are able to provide for our family in this way. This school is a blessing because it has allowed our kids to adjust to being in Rwanda. Each kid has a class that is a mix of American, European, Asian and African students. Aaron is the only mzungu kid in his class. All the others are African. This has made their adjustment much easier. Kristin and I are blessed because we don't have to home school them right now. We realize that it would be near impossible to do language and adjust to our own surroundings, in addition to getting our house set up, if our kids where home all day every day. The cost of the next semester is $6000 and we are praying for those who have the heart to share this expense with us and contribute as you feel capable.

Blessings to all of you.

Brian

Bible Study Day 1 and a bonus

2009-11-01T12:49:00.003-06:00

Well I'll start with the bonus. Today we received a package from the Phillip Woodward family. What a blessing. Such great people. My kids were overjoyed by the Hershey's assorted chocolate and the chocolate chips. I know I will benefit from these as well when the cookies were made. However it was the 6 pack of Dr. Pepper 12 ounce bottles that drew my immediate attention. This gift, added to Sylvia's previous package containing my most favorite candy bar, Reese's peanut butter cups made for such a pleasant evening. It just doesn't matter to me that I won't go to sleep until about 2am. Now I will say that life does not revolve around such things but I can also say that it is very close.

Well onto the Bible study tonight.

I know it sounds odd but we don't start with prayer. We assume everyone has a different idea of who God is and what church and bible study are so we start on an even playing field and we organize the study in a way that does not preconceived or offensive ideas into the study. Now I don't mean offensive in a "Offend them by being religious" but rather by being sensitive that many have been hurt (some physically) by churches and are not ready for diving in to church routine.

The first series of questions ask of everyone at the study are about learning to share and confide in each other and setting the stage for prayer and intercession. We can refer to it as the discover part of the study. We want to discover things about each other and we want to discover facts about God. We first ask, "Is there anything you are concerned about or worried about this week. This allows people to interact with issues in their lives that are bothering them without feeling too vulnerable and begins to set the stage for the idea of praying later. This question is followed up by "How can this group help you in this issue?" This begins to lay the foundation of ministering to one another.

After this time we begin our study by asking someone to read from our first scripture which is Genesis 1:1-24. Creation of all things except man. (that is our next session)

Once we read we ask everyone to just simply write or say a simple summary of the passage in their own words. We want them to be able to do this because when it comes time to share with others in our daily walk we can remember our synopsis easier than memorizing 25 versus of scripture.

After everyone is given the chance to summarize we then ask, "What does this passage say about who God is"? In this passage we want every to begin with a basic, and similar understanding of the fact that God created all things. He created all things "Good" and that God had an organized plan for his creation. Later we will see in the next study that God created all this for man.

We then ask, "What does this passage say about man"? This study is more about God and less about who we are because we want each person at the study to have a single foundation for going forward. It generally does not matter who you are, if you believe in a god, you believe he created the world. Once the stage is set and we agree that God created all things and is all powerful then we move to the fact that he created man to be good and he created us in such a way as to have a personal and deep relationship with everyone of us.

The next section is the obedience section.

The next question in the study is, "What now?" "How does this passage make me different tomorrow than I was yesterday. How will I act differently tomorrow after having read this"? The answers vary but tonight it seemed that the main theme from those at the study was that God is powerful and good, he created all things and he created them good. Therefore we must respect what he has done, respect his creation and treat it as a gift.

The last part is the sharing part.

We ask, "who will you share this with during the next week"? Can you share it with a co-worker or a neighbor this week? Can you share it with your family or a friend. And even deeper, "Could you organize a similar study in your home or at your workplace using this scripture?"

We next ask about neighbors. In sharing with your neighbors can you find out how they are doing? Do they have a need that either you or this group can help with. We want them to make a connection between sharing the word of God and acts of service. These form the foundation of true worship and form the basis for building Godly communities.

Next week we give them an opportunity to report on their attempts of sharing and to give feedback on how they or we as a group can help someone in their neighborhood.

I continue to challenge and pray that some of those reading my blog will consider following this pattern of study in their neighborhoods. I want to tell each of you that before coming to Africa I was mislead by Satan into believing that I was not qualified to teach the bible to others. I am not the kind of person that can easily memorize chapters and chapters of scripture. But I know now that prayer and living a life that is transparent and using conversation that is always intentional in motive is the key. Pray every day for someone to notice when you say, "God has been good to me today". Everyone notices it when I say it because no one expects a Mzungu (white person) to say something like that in Kinyarwanda. Their eyes almost bug out and they stop what they are doing. Then, as David Lipscomb once said, "Love them until they ask you why". Speaking and living with spiritual intent always gets someone's attention. If it is someone who "hates" churchy people or "those God people" then guess what, now you have something to talk to them about. They would love to tell you all the things wrong with church. But at least they are opening the door for you to talk about God.

There are plenty of preprinted bible studies out there and on the internet. If you would like a PDF of the one we are using please email me at awillingspirit@gmail.com. I would love to share it with you. However, if you pick one from the internet or you just make up your own, remember this: If the study does not end with the question, "Who are you going to share this with" then you're not making disciples. Disciples share the word.

God has given us all the ability to share His word in some way or the other. Some are more fluid and obvious than others but just as sharing comes in many forms so does receiving. Your style of sharing will find someone. Just be intentional about using it.

Bless you all. We pray for so many of you daily.

Prayer requests:

Continued peace in our new environment

Block Party

2009-10-24T14:56:00.003-05:00

Well, we have just finished cleaning up from our party. We are so blessed with good neighbors. It was good to just sit and watch them interact and to learn about culture.

I previously said I would keep you posted about the process and progress of discovery bible.

The first and foremost task is to pray. I thank each of you who have prayed. I have also prayed that some or many of you will wish to begin your own bible study/disciple making group in your neighborhoods. Always start with prayer. You must invite the Holy Spirit before you invite the first person. We have been praying for this and have asked the Holy Spirit to be present and I can say for sure he was. The party was a bit slow getting going as most things in Rwanda are. To our surprise the food was nearly on time but the guests were at least 30 minutes late. After we got started and pushed all the kids outside we just talked about the neighborhood and the fact that somehow all the people on our street know our youngest son Aaron. I assume it is because he plays out on the street with the other neighborhood kids after school almost every day. They all seem to be drawn to him. I was thankful because one of the men present was the local veterinarian and Umudugudu leader (sort of like a city councilman for the neighborhood). One of the main issues being pushed by the central government is community development. So it was easy to get them on the subject of being good neighbors. From their it was an easy transition to "Love your neighbors as yourself". They all participated in conversation about how important neighbors were and how neighbors should watch out for each other. By the end of the night all agreed that we should meet weekly and get to know each other better and have a bible study. The Umudugudu leader volunteered to have it in his home but another person suggested they share that responsibility. So next week we will have it in at Everest's (the Umudugudu leader's) home and see how it goes.

The key here in initiating the study is to just make it clear that you are not trying to lure them to a church or towards certain beliefs or denominations. Rwandans seem to be afraid of that. We simply put it in social and political terms and explained that the principals in the bible are the foundation to being good neighbors and that even if people go to church they are not being taught to read their bibles and share it with others in an intentional way. Even Everest stated that he finds it hard to help his neighbors because he does not spend enough time with them and does not know their needs.

I am just in awe of how God works.

The first study will be on Genesis 1:1-25.

The basic layout of the study is like this:

Opening:

Ask each person

What are you thankful for the past week?

What problems do you have this week?

Is there any way this group can help you?

Read Scripture:

What does this scripture say about God?

God created all things.

God created man to be like him.

God called creation "Good".

God loves man?

What does the scripture say about man?

Man was created like God.

Man was created to be with God.

Man is intended to have a personal relationship with and communicates with God.

How will this scripture make me different than I was yesterday. Or the "I will statements".

Share section:

Who will you share this scripture with during the next week? Could you share this with another group?

Do you know anyone who needs help?

How can this group help them?

The share section is the most important. It teaches that worship is not listening but rather doing. And doing is discipling. It encourages them to use what they have read in the Word to change how they live and how they serve each other. Later the progression of scripture is intended to teach them that doing for God is doing for others and that serving each other is true worship.

Well I will keep you posted. We meet next Sunday at 6 pm. Please pray for us and our group. Most of all pray that this group will share with others and in time come to a point where they become leaders in their own studies and become disciple makers. Pray that the study will be driven and dependent on the Holy Spirit and not on us. If it is to multiply it must be by their own growth and the effort of the Holy Spirit and not because I am present.

Prayer requests

2009-10-21T14:24:00.004-05:00

Well we're finally getting settled. My house is in order and no one is throwing up. Praise God.

With our house getting into order and all of the Robinsons well we are ready to party. Block party that is. We just wanted to ask all of you to pray about our block party. After dinner tonight we were able to get around behind our house (not easy in our area) and the people behind us to the party. This was the hardest part since we thought they didn't speak english. We went around to the house and met the two people we can see and hear from our yard. They don't speak english so we actually invited them in Kinyarwanda only to find out they were the hired help. The owner was inside and she is Ugandan thus she speaks great English.

From the looks of it we will have about 30 people in addition to our family on Saturday. Please pray that we are able to start a Discovery Bible study in our neighborhood.

Please pray for one of my bible study facilitators this week as well. He has felt a desire to gain access to some of the refugee camps and find out how he can help with ministering to them. He is going down this weekend and we will meet again afterwards to find out if there is anything we can do to access this group of people.

On a less important side but certainly an issue that is just pounding away at my cultural adjustment: I can't find my all in one printer/scanner/copier. Seems silly but little things like this really mess up your day when you are looking for just one little thing to go right. Example. Tuesday my daughter was sick and at home. I was committed to getting at least one thing done so I decided to get the stove in the kitchen. I took it out of the box and realized that it was natural gas ready and had to be converted before using propane gas. This made me nervous since this is something I would normally call someone to do if I live in the States. After getting this done I finally got ready to hook it up to the gas bottle and discovered that they are not sold or shipped with an intake adaptor to hook up the propane. I panicked. The idea of trying to find such a part in this country (or continent) is insane. I called a plumber and tried to explain that the stove needed to be fixed. Well I had to go to the airport to pick him up (he was working in the general area) and bring him back to my house. He looked at it and disappeared for almost 2 hours. In the meantime I decided that I would get the drier out. It had rained all day and the clothes on the line had been there over 24 hours. Well the drier doesn't come with a cord. Can't get one of those here either. Have to get an electrician. Oddly enough, I did the one thing I would never do in the states (convert the stove) and I couldn't do or get done the two things that would have taken an hour in the States. To make things worse we had to cancel language for the day because Kristin and Grace were sick. We discovered the next day that the lesson we were on was house hold appliances. If we would have language that day I would have been able to tell the plumber that the stove was broken in Kinyarwanda. Finding my printer would have made it a good day. But it is lost. Pray for things to go right the rest of the week. Maybe even pray for the printer to show up.

Pray for the Holy Spirit to be present at our block party.

Blessings

Update

2009-10-17T14:23:00.003-05:00

I know many of you have been praying about our block party and we are so thankful. However we were not able to have the party today. We feel like we have been attacked in so many ways this week and as a result were unable to host our neighbors.

Just as we were making plans for our party our container was released from customs. We had just called someone to arrange for the food and the guys at customs called and informed us of the release. They told us it would be the following morning but was not until 5 pm that night. Not only was the initial truck load delayed it took a total of three trips to bring our things to our house. For the next 4 days we did nothing but sort through things and try to get organized. We had so much to put away it was astounding. The final blow was Kristin waking up sick today. We had to ask our neighbors to postpone our party until next week.

We do want to say how thankful we are to have received our container in such a short time but even in a good thing there is the sense of failure. We committed ourselves to connecting with our neighbors tonight but we just could not fight the fatigue and ensuing illness that has hit our household.

We ask for your prays for Kristin as she recovers from her illness and we ask that you pray for strength so that we can make our house at least safe to walk around in so that we can have our block party next weekend.

Pray for our efforts to reach our neighbors and make disciples in our community. I will continue to pray for each of you as you struggle in the same battle to bring discipleship to your homes and neighbors.

Blessings to all.

Planting Churches/Living Lives of Intentionality

2009-10-12T02:28:00.004-05:00

Over the past months, including the last few months in the US and the first 6 weeks here we have been undergoing a change in paradigm that is a growing trend among missionaries of many denominations. We are working on a biblical model known as CPM (cpmtr.org) that in the end we pray we will see the establishment of not one church but many churches in our region and possibly even hundreds of churches in Rwanda. The first thing we have to deal with among our team is culture. We have all struggled to rid ourselves of the culture of building church and training leaders. We realize that Jesus sent out his followers into the region before they were "well trained". He did not give them money and he did not send them to school before allowing them to speak in his name. He sent them out a little at time. He rejoiced in their success and taught them when they failed.

Our paradigm shift is first to stop using the word church planters and start using disciple makers. The term church planting has so many images associated with it that it is more of a burden than a job. In America and in Rwanda the word church has two meanings. One for those on the inside and one for those on the outside. Unfortunately those on the outside see church as restrictive and suffocating or even false. They don't see church and God as being the same and they cannot understand why they are different. Our goal here is not to bring those around us into contact with "church people" and conform them but to take those around us into a relationship with God in a peaceful and comfortable surrounding in which they already live and transform them. Conforming is teaching church culture. Transforming is disciple making. One statement we hear around here often is churches don't replicate, disciples replicate. So you have to ask yourself, "Am I a church goer or a disciple"? Here in Rwanda they are not the same.

I say all of this as a preface to a prayer request and a challenge. Here in Rwanda we commit ourselves to living intentional lives. By this I mean that every person we meet is a potential disciple and may be that one person who is willing to start a discovery bible study (DBS) in his neighborhood. We try to go into every conversation and relationship with the intent of finding out how peaceful a person is and whether they are spiritually oriented. There are plenty of spiritual people who don't know God and who don't go to church. This takes much prayer. So my first challenge to each of you is to be intentional about your prayers for those around you such as your neighbors and your co-workers.

My prayer request is that you pray for Kristin and I this week because we have been inviting our neighbors to come to our home on Saturday for a sort of block party. It is our purposeful intent to have them in our home and find out which of them (singular or plural) are people of peace who could host a bible study in their home. We cannot have it in our home because again we are white and they will come if simply for the opportunity to come to a Mzungu home and to have the social clout that comes with that. We ask that you pray for us as we go around and invite them because they all speak different amounts of English and this will tax our rudimentary knowledge of Kinyarwanda. Pray for the person of peace that I know God has already prepared and pray that we will be able to guide this person in the leadership role of DBS leader. It is the hope that all DBS leaders become disciple makers and eventually begin teaching new DBS leaders in their circle of influence.

It is my challenge to each of you to ask yourselves, "Am I just a church goer or am I a disciple maker"? Christ did not call us to be church goers but rather disciple makers. I challenge each of you to be intentional in the next couple weeks and plan a way for you and your family to have contact with your neighbors, co-workers, lodge pals or what ever group you can bring together in your home. I challenge you to be praying for ways to identify those in your neighborhood who are peaceful people and who may be able to host a bible study. To be intentional you must pray about and think about everything you say to them. From the way you say hi to the way you respond to their questions. Example. If they say, "How are you"? The proper answer is not "fine" or even "great". Every thought and response must be intentional. Like, "God has given me peace today", or "God is good to me today". You can practice and think about these "God" statements that I promise will get the attention of a person of peace. I also challenge you to pray for persons of peace in your daily circle. Watch out, it may not be your buddy who is nice to you at work. It may be the the guy at the gas station you see every week or the person who mows your lawn. Be ready and intentional.

Jesus was intentional. He did not have to stop in Samaria on his way back to Galilee. He chose to. He had a divine appointment. I can guarantee that if you pray for God to bring people of peace into your lives he will make divine appointments for you also and you will become the disciple maker God intended you to be.

So, pray for me as I pray for you to be intentional. Again I challenge each of you to go into your neighborhoods this week and seek out the persons of peace. Be intentional. You may not start a bible study right off but keep going.

I am going to dedicate my next few blogs to the process of making disciples. The goal Kristin and I have are to make disciples dependent on God and each other and not on us. To plant disciples in each community rather than one church in a city of a million.

I recommend that anyone who is willing and has the desire to be a disciple maker read the book, "Movements That Change the World" by Steve Addison. It will excite you about the possibility of how the Holy Spirit can work in the lives of single individuals to bring the lost home.

bira shoboka!

2009-10-01T03:07:00.003-05:00

Well I kind of feel like I've arrived today.

We have language lessons 5 days a week from 7:30 am to 8:30 am. This is particularly great because the kids leave for school at 7:05. This leaves a great time for Kristin and I to have direct and uninterrupted time with our instructor, Chris (short for a much longer Rwnadan name).

Over the last 4 weeks we have been working on basic things like asking how to get somewhere, how to give directions (note my previous blog entry about frustrations of giving directions) how to buy things at the market and so on. We have done well and feel we have advanced at at least an average pace. Well today we sort of digressed from learning how to say, "Please close the door" or "Please open the window" to simple responses to questions. One of the ways our instructor teaches is to constantly ask us questions and we answer back in Kinyarwanda. Well I couldn't stand it any longer. I had to ask, how do you say, "It is possible". I have heard so many times over the last 6 weeks , "It is impossible". So today I have officially learned, "bira shoboka". It IS possible. This hasn't really gotten me anywhere yet because if I say it they go on to explain why it is not possible and then I am lost again. I can only keep repeating, "but it is possible" to no avail.

Oh well, I am one step closer to the inner workings of this society. Certainly a society in which I will never full fit but I can feel God finding ways to draw me closer to reaching Rwanda in it's native language. I will have to add on to this new bit of language skill by learning how to to say, "With God, all things are possible". I have had to chance to share this with many over the last weeks and I am so often pleased to hear that yes, they do believe that God can do all things.

We have seen God do so much. As an update I can say that our visas were approved and our passports are stamped and official now. We don't have to plan a trip to Uganda or Burundi in 6 weeks so we can renew our visitor visas. In addition we are awaiting the final clearing of our container. It arrived about 7 days ago and the moving company here in Rwanda assures us that all the paperwork is done and approved and that the only thing left is the customs stamp. Please pray that all things work for the best the first time. The law states that we are entitled to one container per family free of tax as long as we have nothing that is intended for retail. (Which we don't). However, it is not uncommon for them to attempt to charge some tax for some of the new items on the containers but this is part of a game and if it happens then it is more delay and more paperwork. The delay means storage fees. The fees are not that high but they are unnecessary and frustrating.

One blessing today is that we received two packages in the mail today. We had mailed them to ourselves about 9 weeks ago. We were not able to fit Madelyn's bike on the container nor were we able to fit her American Girl doll and accessories in our carry-ons. We had to mail both. Well they arrived today and we just can't wait until Madelyn gets home from school today. She is doing so well and oddly enough she is our big helper. She gets quite upset if she misses her turn to hand wash the dishes after supper. She just loves the job.

Now that I've found the verbal response to, "it is impossible", Please pray for me as I continue my quest to find the cultural response to this difficult cultural and often spiritual impasse.

Please pray that we will continue to find the "people of peace" that God has planned for us and that we will be diligent and successful in bringing them into relationships with us and finally with God.

More Frustrating than funny

2009-09-16T12:01:00.007-05:00

It is just a reality that many of the things we experience are truly more frustrating than funny. It is a simple truth that culture shock is a reality. Many of the things we have experienced this week have humor but the burden of them has made the humor marginal.

I have to say that one of my most frustrating issues this past week has been in the area of giving and getting directions. In this country there are few if any street signs. The ones that do exist should not because no one notices them and no one can remember the names of the streets even if they live on them. So imagine trying to give directions to a man on the phone who speaks english only slightly and even that is mixed with french. He has to come from the

middle of Kigali to our district (suburb) in order to set up our internet. He calls me on the phone and says he is on his way. My directions are like this. "Okay, where are you"? His response is in french since the word hello did not clue him in that I was english. The fact that I did not say bonjour did not register to him. He says, "I'm on the road to the Senate". Fortunately I know that road. I send him on his way in the direction of a small grocery store and finally a round about that he does recognize but that is the easy part. Now it is time for the dirt roads. The road does not have a name so we say Niboye road because that is the district that the road cuts in half. After that the exact instructions are, "go 2/3 of the way to the end and go down the mountain until you reach more dirt roads with more small markets on the corner. In Tyler it would be like telling someone to go to the corner with the bank on it and turn left. I finally had to give up and go find him. However I'm finally over the nostalgia of the bumpy dirt roads and I'm tired of being stared at as I bounce all over the road when I drive. I did find him and finally I have email.

The blessing this week is that I was finally able to finish my application for visas and was able to turn them in. This was on my third attempt. The first day it took all morning to get my documents (marriage certificates, medical license and all the kid's birth certificates) copied and notarized. The immigration office closes at noon. The second day we arrived at the immigration office and I discovered that I was supposed to fill out my applications online but had not. God intervened again. Charles, the amazing man at ATN who is in charge of helping us get "official" was able to coerce someone to print them for me so I could fill them out. After scurrying to complete them before our number was called (we failed and had to get a new number) we walked to the desk and after reviewing the documents the agent said we could not proceed because the back ground in our photos was too grey. It was not nearly white enough. Again the word impossible (to which there is no answer, you have to just hang your head and walk away). We had to leave, go get all the kids and take them all to downtown to get pictures taken. I had to ask them to take them twice because they were really bad the first time. She took, "needs to have white back ground" to mean "needs to be washed out with really bright flash".

I prayed last night that God would keep the rules the same today. Here in Africa rules change from day to day and from person to person. I prayed that the person I encountered would follow the official rules and be a person of peace. I got up early and was the first person there and when I approached the agent and gave her the applications she said her name was the same as my daughter, Grace. I told her about Grace and how she got her name (I thought she would cry) then I figured since she was stuck there and appeared peaceful I would just preach to her about the meaning of the word grace while she did my paperwork. In the end I was able to finish the process and now I just have to wait for final approval and we will all be "official".

In addition we were able to go to church with our neighbors this week. The service was three hours long (no classes or breaks) and the kids were almost dead by the end. So was the lady whose job it was to keep the kids in line. The kids don't sit down front but have to sit at the back of the room under the eye of the "kid Nazi". I kind of liked it. She had to keep bopping Samuel to get him to stay seated. Don't blame him though since he is not used to such a long service. The joy in it was just the walk to church. The neighbor kids and our boys just love playing together. Aaron is so happy to have them near during the day.

(blurry but Aaron and Samuel playing soccer with neighbors)

(walk to church with neighbors)

We had a hard week and this was just the beginning of our struggle but we are blessed by God's constant affirmation of our presence in Rwanda and we enjoy seeing them come to us over and over. Please pray that he will continue to lay these in front of us and continue to pray that in all that we do we find people of peace in which we can form relationships with and prayerfully invite them to discover God with us.

Blessings to all of you.

Brian

p.s. One last funny image. We had to have our gate fixed this week because the hinge broke off. I had to call the landlord to send a crew to fix the all steel gate that weighs about 500 lb. When they arrived they brought their welder and needed a place to plug it in. When I walked in the gate I noticed a wire (not extension cord but real romex wire) with no ground leading to my back door. When I looked down this is what I found. No plug, just stripped the wires and stuck them in the outlet. Try this in the states.

Funny or Frustrating??

2009-09-03T11:34:00.003-05:00

When I left for Rwanda I committed at least to my self that I would not make my blogs downers and a collection of pity posts.

God has granted me a different eye to see the difficult things through has made me more capable of seeing the humor in our new lives.

There are many things I have seen and experience this week that have made me both laugh and pout (at the same time).

We sent out our newsletter last week and mentioned my analysis of the correlation between standing in line and driving in Rwanda. Well the two came together this week as I was able to buy a 4WD vehicle and had to spend all day in the Rwanda Revenue Authority (and the bank, again). The RRA is sort of a mix of the DMV and tax authority. You have to go to the RRA one day and get a tax ID followed the next day by meeting the owner of the vehicle at the RRA at the car check place. This is the semi equivalent of an inspection. However, it is clearly an inconvenience to all involved. The inspector looked at the tires then opened the hood and leaned in to look at the engine block and left. We paid the fee and left. We finally made it through the maze of back roads that only my Rwandan friends could navigate and settled at the big RRA building. I have to say I was impressed. My frame reference is standing in line at the Cotton belt building in Tyler on a late August day. The interior air temperature was far cooler in this building than the Cotton Belt building. However, despite how slow the line moves at the Cotton Belt at least it was a line. There was no line here. It was a room of chairs, no "take a number" sign or device. I had no idea were our place in the queue was but thankfully my Rwandan cohorts knew how to keep track but again this was arbitrary and when a seat at the desk emptied the race was on. It took us about 4 hours to complete this part of the process.

In the end it was a good experience because it has typically been much worse for others and I was able to finish the process in less than one day and that is universally considered a miracle.

Other things that make me frustrated. RED DIRT!

When we left Oklahoma to move to Tyler in 2002 I felt almost confident that I was leaving behind red dirt for good. No more red sox, no more red pants legs, no more red mud in the shower and no more red dirt on my floor. I have all those now and much more with 4 kids. I am generally tired of being dirty.

Another amusing thing this week was related to the bike I have been riding. I have been riding Marty's bike or walking to the center we do most of our work out of and to begin with I get heckled by many of the workers on the street. The local government is redoing the ditch on our street and paving it with stone. A side note is that the 5 foot deep by 4 feet across ditch is dug by hand and the stones are broken up by hand to fit the area needed. This process takes about 50-70 workers. They watch me ride that bike many times per day and each time they act like it is the first time they have ever seen me. I must give them the comedy break they need to make it through the day. Well any way, I am also not used to Marty's bike which has straps that keep your feet on the pedals (competitive mountain bike). I always keep my right foot out so I wont fall over if I have to stop suddenly. Well I arrived at my destination I kicked my right foot over and forgot that my left foot was tied in and thus had nothing to stop me but the ground. The two old me across the street now have enough material to make them the life of the party all week.

We have been trying to get into our house every day this week. Every time we meet the land lord there is just a little more work to be done. The last 2 days we were to meet him and get the keys to the gate but he is either not there or does not have the keys. I was stuck at the house for 2 hours with the young man that has been guarding the house for the landlord. He does not speak English, the landlord only speaks French and Kinyarwandan and I only speak 30 words or Kinyarwanda and unless I suddenly have the need to ask him to put two blue pens on his head then our communication is over quickly. (However to my surprise, knowing how to say blue and pen and give me turned out to be great when the inspector at the previously mentioned RRA tried to steal my blue pen). It has been two days and I have no ammunition left. I still don't have keys to my gate and thus cannot get in. The final solution is to just go down to the security guard service tomorrow and hire the guard and when he shows up tomorrow night all will suddenly be resolved.

The money is a funny thing. We still look at the Rwandan Franc as play money. Now can you not when the coins stick to your daughters magnetic necklace. Very high iron content in their coins. You go to the store and you are kind of craving some chocolate since you have not had any decent quality chocolate in nearly 3 weeks. You look at the price and forget to convert it before your old addiction blinds you so when you finally eat half of it and then when you come back into your right mind you realize you paid 3 dollars for a 3-4 oz candy bar with a brand name on it. That's when you decide chocolate is no longer your weak spot.

I'd like to tell you the lighter side of Kristin learning to drive a very large, standard transmission, Land Cruiser (diesel) but she is likely going to read this and that would be bad news for me. (She did awesome by the way, love you dear).

Electricity. Simply put, you buy it at a store like you bye minutes on a pay as you go cell phone. You go to a variety of small stores, called a duka and pay for as much electricity you can either afford or the amount you think you might use in a month. Yes, you get to keep your electricity if you have any left over a the end of the month. I call them roll over watts. They don't expire. I went to the duka and asked for cash power and he said yes. He punched in my meter number and waited. Did it again and waited. Then he looked at me and said only one word. Impossible. If someone in the US said that to me I would have many pointed questions. In this cross culture encounter of the third kind, all I could do was walk away. My brain could not even comprehend all the things wrong with the scenario and could not formulate a rebuttal to this single word. He won his argument with one word and no struggle. I had to drive to town and go the the grocery store to by my electricity today.

Well I had many more little humerus stories but I have forgotten many of them and so I suppose that's it for now.

Please continue to pray for us and remember that we do pray for so many of you regularly.

Bless you all and thank you for everything.

Brian

New Home

2009-08-20T03:48:00.003-05:00

Below I have posted a couple of pics of the home we expect to sign a contract on this evening. Kristin is trying to get the same pictures up on Facebook but her pictures were larger. I shrunk them down to a smaller pixel size and posted them here. She should have her Facebook pics up soon with better descriptions. We are blessed to be able to find it. It is about 5 min from the Koonces and less than 10 from the Crowsons. If you notice some of the roads that lead from the Koonces to our house you will understand why I can say it is faster to walk than to drive. Probably safer.

This step has gone a long way in encouraging our children. They are all doing well and view this step as a good step towards making a stable life here in Rwanda. We are fortunate in that this house is actually new but is cheaper than the houses that our other team members live in. God has been so good to us.

We have rested and transitioned. Today Grace, Aaron and I walked to the nearest little store in the neighborhood to buy some soda and gum. We met a few people on the way and had a chance to use our small Rwandan vocabulary that consists of hello, how are you and I want to buy...(whatever english word you want to stick in). They like to hear us use their language but I honestly think at this point it's because they want to something to laugh at.

Our next step is getting a car and language. Please pray that we can get a reliable car from an honest dealer. It is not like the US. you cannot go down to the used car lot and pick one. You have a person who is a "finder" or "dealer" that looks around town and has contacts that let him know when they see a used car. From there it is the same. You can trust them to be honest as far as you can throw them (Same as some US dealers) but just like the US there are those who are known to be honest. We are working with a Rwandan that works for ATN. He is the one that found our house for us as well.

Formal language starts after Sept 1. The kids start school Sept 1 at the private school here in Kigali. This will allow us to take language every morning. We will also try to get the kids language lessons on weekends. Please pray for the kids transition into school and pray specifically for our brains to become wired for new language. God created our brains and we believe that even though we are older than most new missionaries he can make us open to language.

2009-08-20T03:10:00.005-05:00

A new day dawning

2009-08-15T23:52:00.002-05:00

And I mean that literally. With the intense jet lag I have witnessed the sun coming up for the last two days. Just waking up here is so different and surreal. The rooster crowing outside the walls remind me my growing up but the sounds of at least 5 different exotic birds (of which I have yet to learn the names of) squawking back and forth make the most pleasant alarm clock ever.

Overall our trip here was more than tolerable. We made it to London without much trouble. The layover in Chicago was short and so we didn't have much time to ponder our changing lives. After a 7 hour flight (in which Grace never slept) we made it safely to London. We were happy to get there early because we had reserved a hotel (named Yotel) in the airport. However, no one in the terminal where we landed had heard of it. After finally finding the reservation on my computer we discovered we needed to be in Terminal 4. When we arrived at the terminal we were told we had to leave the secure area in order to get to the Yotel. This meant going through customs and immigration. Just as we were leaving Kristin realized that we had left our camera bag on the plane. We decided that I would take the kids through customs and to Yotel alone while she went to look for the camera. It took her over 2 hours. Yes they speak english in England but they don't do "american". The kids did all go to sleep which was a great blessing. We thought our flight was at 9pm so we got up and showered and left the hotel at 6. We decided to check in for our flight first since we had to back through security but when we arrived at the ticketing agent we discovered that our flight was at 740 pm. We had to skip supper in order to make it on the plane. If we had stopped for supper before checking in we would have missed our flight.

The flight to Nairobi, Kenya was a little over 8 hours and 3 of the kids slept most of the way. However, Grace watched videos most of the way and did not sleep.

When we arrived in Kenya our flight to Kigali, Rwanda was cancelled due to a strike by the flight attendants. We were told to come back to the desk for re-ticketing at 730 am. This is not an American airport. There was only one line, one attendant and no one in a hurry. (sounds like an American airport) After we were given new tickets for a 1230 pm flight and were told to wait in the transit lounge until the gate was assigned and called. We waited until 1pm before we started asking questions. By the time we were called to the gate it was after 230 pm. We were told every 30 min that our plane would be boarding in 30 minutes. At 4 pm they announced that our flight would be combined with another flight to a different city. We would stop in Kigali and let some passangers off and then the plane would continue on to another country. By 5 pm we were still seated in the gate area. We were finally asked to board the plane and when they announced the gate everyone ran towards the door at the far end of the terminal but just about the time we were able to wake our kids up and move our baggage they announced that the plane would board from a door at the end we were on. We found ourselves at the front of the line. Amazing. Even better than that, we had three men take pity on us and ask to carry our bags. By this time the kids were so wiped out we could not get them awake enough to carry their bags. We had one carry on per kid and four back packs/computer bags and we needed each kid awake to carry a bag or we could not move. These men were awesome. One of them was a man who was coming to Rwanda for the church planting workshop and was a church member in Togo that had been started by the Koonces. God is awesome.

When you fly into Africa you have to deboard on the tarmac without a "jetway". You have to carry your bags down the steps from the jumbo jet and then back up the steps into the airport. So getting back on we had to go down the steps from the gate, to a bus, drive to the plane, walk across the tarmac and then up the steps to the plane. When we got on board the attendant announced that it was open seating since two flights were combined. She said that she expected every in coach to sit in coach and not to go into business class seats. Ha! It was a mad house. people running all over that plane to get good seats. We sat on board for almost 2 hours because their head count did not match the number of boarding passes give out during the day.

We finally arrived to a warm welcome in Kigali. After getting our 12 trunks and 6 bags loaded we headed for the Koonces.

The day we arrived Aaron came down with a fever and over the next day became worse with sore throat. He has strep throat and already had to go on antibiotics.

We have been here 2 and a half days now and the kids just love it. Madelyn (who cried a lot before we left) said it was not what she expected and she feeling better. They have had such a great time with the Koonce and Crowson boys.

Today is our first Sunday and we are looking forward to church with many of the other American missionaries at NTCC (New Testament Church of Christ).

Thanks and Goodbyes

2009-08-06T22:52:00.002-05:00

The count down is almost complete. The days and hours are ticking away. We will leave for Rwanda on August 12 at roughly 4pm. To say we are excited would be an understatement. To say we are not afraid would be a lie. To say that we trust in God would be true!

We would not be in this place today if not for the great will and workings of God. We began our journey 18 months ago and I can say our fear today does not come close to matching that of December 2007 when we fully gave ourselves over to God's calling. In the last 18 months he has brought peace and willingness to our spirits and we are anxious to see what amazing things he will do with us from this day forward.

We were singing in the car yesterday with Samuel. He loves to sing and is such an auditory learner that he memorizes songs after just one or two rounds. Anyway, we were singing "Hymns of the Month" from chapel at Grace. Singing the old songs made me remember "Count Your Blessings". After finishing the song we took the opportunity to think of all the wonderful people and blessings God has put in our lives over the last chapter in our lives that we feel brought us to this day.

I cannot start this expression of gratitude without naming one person first and foremost.

Sylvia!

She probably kicks herself just at the mention of the fact that if it were not for her generosity we would not be leaving for Rwanda. I know this is bittersweet for her but I also know she seeks and serves the Lord and would not have us do anything other than what we feel God has called us to do. In addition to all her generosity in regard to our fundraising, she actually went out and helped us raise funds from our peers at work. After all that, she allowed us to use her Bullard farm house for almost 3 months. Thank you so much Sylvia, we love you.

I want to thank the mission's committee and elders at Glenwood who have shown their faith in God by showing exceptional faith in us. The support they have pledged has been a great a leap as our own decision to go! Praise God for each of them. I also lift up the congregation at Glenwood for their support and love. We have felt so thankful for their heartfelt concern for our family.

We have had many people at church, work and other organizations who have offered us the use of cars, washing machines, dryers, internet access, and so much more. We could not have made it through the summer without these wonderful people. When our van broke down in Houston we didn't have to go a single day without or spend even a penny on a replacement vehicle. My partners at work provided a long term car when the van broke down and then a short term car when I had to give up my truck last weekend. We love each of you so much.

We want to thank all of the individual donors and churches who have committed both short startup funds and long term support even when times have been tough. The congregations at Rt. 230, Lakeside, New Hope, Park Plaza, and East Grand have shown such great faith in their offerings. I cannot even begin to name all of the individual donors across the US that are giving faithfully to see God succeed in Rwanda.

I want to thank Murphy Crowson, my wonderful teammate who has been with me (via internet) the whole way. He has provided us with so much information about how to get things done and who to contact for help. I know that his leading will make our transition into Africa so much smoother and I know I could not have done it without his help.

I give thanks for the Koonces. I know that Marty's two trips back to the US this past year were not for good reasons but each time he came he was able to visit with us and encourage us. He came to us during hard times in our lives and was able to just fill us up with joy and remind us of the reason we committed to this work.

Our journey to Rwanda began with a burden to become debt free. I firmly believe that we were brought to Trinity Clinic just for this reason. I am so grateful for Greg Stovall and the other leaders, my partners and my patients for their faith in me. It takes a great amount of faith and risk to hire a new doctor and to go to a new young doctor (who looked 15 when he started) and I am thankful for all of my patients who have stuck with me and encouraged me in this journey. The Lord has blessed us at TC and because of this our loans were paid off early and he has made his perfect time for his perfect will known once again.

I finally want to give praise to God for making Kristin and I part of the "Gathering" ministry at Karing Kitchen in downtown Tyler. I would never have guessed when we started this work that we would be leaving it for Africa. It was hard to go every Sunday when our kids were so small. I was just tired of mopping red drink off the floor every week. However I also would not have guessed how much it was preparing us for a cross-cultural ministry. God knew 3 years ago that we would be going to Rwanda and I have no doubt that these wonderful people were an integral part of our training. I have to give honor to Carl Wells who attended faithfully from the beginning despite his own ailing health. He has become a great person in Samuel's life and we will miss him greatly. I pray God's comfort on him these last days.

Finally, again, I must give thanks to God. Without his faithfulness and blessings this day would not have come. We cannot know what he has in store for us in Rwanda but as I have told so many of my patients, "I just know God is going to do something great, I just pray I will be there to see it".

Moving Day Part III

2009-06-25T18:18:00.002-05:00

We drove to Houston on Sunday night, the night before we are scheduled to be at the warehouse. In addition to going to the ware house we have to go to DHL shipping to pick up solar equipment previously ordered from African Energy. The order was a rush job and paid for on Friday at 3 pm and so the order was not confirmed or released until Monday morning.

Day 1: Houston

We were expected at the shipping warehouse by 9 am.

We awoke first thing and actually made it to DHL international shipping by 7:40 and had to wait for them to open. When we did get inside the men at the dock had no idea what we were talking about. We had to explain a little and so they called the rep in charge of African Energy who told them she had no idea what I was talking about. So we called AE and explained the issue to them and they then called DHL and “released the order”. We had to wait 70 minutes for the order to be brought out of the warehouse.

We finally arrived the first morning around 930 am and immediately began to work through the poorly packed boxes that left our house. We tried to repack boxes and consolidate stuff we wanted and take out things that we didn’t mean to send down. Besides the heat you could tell that the supervisor was not thrilled with us opening boxes and messing up his system.

The company guy that we had been communicating with came to the warehouse later in the morning and after looking around told us that there was no way everything would fit. He told us that they have never fit that much total volume by weight on a 40 foot container and that the central office told them it couldn’t be done.

Well that kind of discouraged us but Pat, the team supervisor looked at us and said that he would get it on.

The next greatly discouraging thing was the inventory method. The movers who came to Tyler used yellow stickers with preprinted numbers and a few white stickers. They would not yet us put our inventory numbers on the boxes they packed. The guys at the warehouse used orange stickers and put them on some of the boxes with the other stickers. Now we had 4 different numbering systems. Rwandan’s don’t like complicated things. In addition, the supervisor was wrapping our large bins/tubs in the same paper they used to wrap furniture but did not put our inventory numbers on the outside of the wrapping. I tried to cut through one but it was about 12 layers of wrapping paper with at least two layers of that mesh paper that was impermeable. He put one of his stickers on the outside of the wrapping and labeled them “plastic bins” or “trunks”. We had no idea what was in each trunk. The issue is, we have to place value on each numbered item for tax and insurance reasons. Some trunks had ziplocks or used kids clothing worth 10 bucks and some had transformers and electronics worth hundreds and we have no idea which is which. If you guess and get caught putting a value of 10 dollars on a box of transformers worth $200 you can get fined or in trouble and then they can make you open every box in customs and delay the release of your container by weeks.

Day 2:

The shipping co. saved the actual loading for today and we were up by 5:30 to arrive at the warehouse by 7. I am totally at peace about what fits or doesn't fit. (We had a lot of people praying about many aspects of this day, and I could really feel it.)

The first part of the day went pretty well, even though to our inexperienced eyes it did NOT look like it would all fit. The Loading Guys were very good at their job and very kind to us. They also played Christian music on their radio. I can't tell you what a blessing that was to us. They didn't cuss, either. Crazy. They also were oddly open about sharing their lives with us. It's funny that we are ministering more than ever here in the states now that we're moving overseas.

By noon they had the flat bed trailer loaded on ( Yay, we have a trailer! Dave, you must have prayed for that! :-), AND the kayak AND the canoe. No way did we ever think all that was going on there, but God just kept right on stuffing it in. The appliances went on early, so just "house" boxes were left. I need to say that we drove down to Houston in separate cars so we could take as much stuff as possible "just in case it fit." Brian had the truck and trailer loaded like Jed Clampett. All he needed was a rocking chair on top. I had the mini-van with the seats laid down and loaded with boxes. (My sister had the kids in Shreveport)

Brian had a speaking engagement at 7PM so he left me in charge at 1. :-( (That's ok, my team was praying for me...) At 1:45 they turned to me and said "Ok, what do you want taken off?" OFF? They said it wasn't going to fit, and they started ripping open boxes of dishes and pots and pans. No problem. We were throwing away as fast as we could, and bundling what we wanted into bundles and jamming it into cracks and crevices. No numbers. No inventory. It was probably better Brian WASN'T there! Our next prayers will have to be about what gets stolen. (That's ok, it's God's stuff. If He wants to give it to a thief I'm ok with that) We UNpacked 13 boxes, but everything but 5 items went on! Praise God! Absolutely stunning! I took lots of pictures. The stuff left was unneeded, and God blessed us by making it those specific things. I was so happy I couldn't wait to call Brian.

I said good bye, filled up the gas tank, got a snack and a drink and got on the Beltway 8 in Houston. I'm stinking filthy, by the way. I actually took wet wipes and scrubbed the warehouse grime off my knees. There's something completely humbling about kneeling on a warehouse floor with your personal possessions strewn about on the floor. I remember thinking "I feel exposed because I'm kneeling here with my pots and pans all over the floor." The minute I could I called Brian to tell him what happened, but we weren't on the phone 5 minutes when I said "That's funny, the air conditioner just went out." (It's 101 degrees, ugh) Then "Brian, the car won't go over 55!" The exit was 1 and 1/2 miles away, and I'm down to 40mph. When all the lights started flashing I got over as fast as I could. This is a toll road, with an entrance 100ft behind me, and an exit 100ft ahead of me. And a husband 2 hours ahead of me! Smoke started coming out of the engine, so I got out while I called for a tow truck. (So many praises here, by the way. Foremost, I didn't have the kids with me on that scary road! And I had a snack and a drink! No problem) In my experience tow truck drivers take about an hour, so I got back in the car since I'm a closet albino. Glory if the tow truck arrived in 10 minutes! Off we went to the Mazda dealership (a 45 min drive in Houston rush hour traffic). They had to push it into the service bay, and the driver said he only takes cash. How am I to get that much cash? The nice dealership lady said "Our shuttle driver's not busy--he'll take you to an ATM." No problem. 30 minutes later I got to sit in the AC for the first time that day and the lady tells me the engine is blown. Oh well. We were going to give the van away, but God had different ideas. Again, more praises. About where it happened, when, and to whom. Brian was on his way back to tow me home. While I waited 3 hours in the AC with a book, a snack, a drink (the same ones-I still haven't had a chance to eat them) and no kids (:-) a man wanders through from the showroom. He introduces himself as Mac and he asks me about what I'm doing at the dealership so late. After recalling the story about our morning and our car he wanted to know all about what happened and where we're going, etc, etc. I gave him our card at this point, and we sat there for quite a while talking about missions, my family and his family. When Brian got there Mac got some other guys to help us load the van onto the tow trailer, but it wouldn't go. He handed Brian the keys to his car and said "Take my car to Wal-Mart to get a hand winch." So we drove his MERCEDES to the store, came back, got the van loaded. Brian said, half-jokingly, "Anybody want a free car?" Mac said "Yes!" So we drove with him to his house where he treated us like honored guests. I mean, he offered us food and drinks and honored us with stories about his wife and wonderful daughter. We then followed Mac to a used car lot and dropped off the car and headed home. We limped home at 2am, and by 8:30am the next day we had a vehicle offered to us for the rest of the summer. No joke.

I feel like I haven't done this story justice, but you get the idea of the way God took care of us. I praise Him for all the blessings, and I thank you guys all for praying over us. We felt it!

Love,

Kristin

Moving Day: Part Deux

2009-06-22T17:10:00.006-05:00

I have to say that as hard as we tried we did not do well on our first go around with moving day. We struggled because movers would not do things our way. They would keep saying, we will do that when we get to Houston or we can do that later.

Well here we are 2 months later.

I want to say that the last 2 months have been a specific time that God has taught me about prayer. I started off May by going to a Church planting workshop where I was amazed by the amount of time "the great church planters" prayed. I had decided then that I would begin looking at prayer like running. My wife, at the age of 40 has decided to become a runner. She has done amazingly well. She runs three to four times per week and has worked up to over 4 miles. She even went 8 miles one weekend. She finished 4th in her age group in the Race for the Cure in Tyler. Way to go babe. Anyway, I decide that I would do the same. I would pray longer each day of the week and work my way towards a more peaceful and "listening" relationship with God. Strange, when I first began this I thought that I needed to practice saying more and asking for more intervention. However, the longer I went, the more I realized that I just needed to listen more. What great peace it can be to ask God to come nearer and then to actually feel that happen. It opens your eyes and heart wider so that you can actually see the answer to the parts of prayer where you actually talk.

Well, we began to prepare for our trip to Houston this week by praying. I have been praying for peace and patience so that I did not offend any of the workers at the warehouse. I'm sometimes good at that. So far we're golden. Kristin and her side of the family have been praying diligently that everything we brought would make it on the container. Still waiting on the verdict.

Well I awoke in a frenzy last week because I realized that in my hurried preparation for the "Moving Day Part I" that I had put the certified copies of my diplomas, certification and notarized copies of my medical licenses in the box with the originals and then the movers took it away. I knew I would never find them. However, I needed them because the people in the government offices of Rwanda love certificates, especially if they have a stamp or a seal on them. Kristin and I began to pray that not only would God give us the vision and the discernment to identify the items we really needed and the top "want" items from the endless boxes but that he would make ours eyes able to see the exact box my certificates were in. Getting a work permit is hard to do without certificates and nearly impossible if you cannot prove you are qualified to do the work you're applying to do. And you cannot get the container that the certificates are on if you don't have a work permit. Huge ugly circle!!

Well today as we are rummaging through the warehouse I moved a large box so Kristin could repack it and behind it was a smaller thin box that had a bunch of papers just hanging out perpendicular like a flag. Literally just sticking out!! I pulled them out and they were the notarized copies of my original certificates and diplomas!! As they say in East Texas, I almost fell out!!! The papers had slid around in the box and somehow while in transit the box had been turned on it's side for just a moment then stood back up upon storage and the papers slipped halfway out of the box. I don't need to explain more about that prayer...

The second prayer event today was the container itself. The movers had said the shipping company would deliver the container to the warehouse around 10. By noon it was not there and so we left and bought lunch for the packers. Fortunately there was plenty of wrapping to do and the workers did not have time to be idle. We arrived back from lunch and I asked Kristin to pray for the container and she prayed for God to give us the container in 20 minutes so that we could get done by mid day tomorrow. I am not kidding you when I say that it arrive 20 minutes later on the dot!!

Now I would say that in the past not only was I a prayer that only talked to God, as opposed to listening. I also was a person who believed in generalized answers to prayer rather than specific. I find now that as we draw closer to leaving for Rwanda that God has drawn me closer and, if I can be so bold as to imply what God thinks, has enjoyed our listening time together. It is great to listen to and for God in these last days in the States and I have continued to workout my listening and praying skills and some day I hope I can spend my time only listening. That way I wont have to ask God for things. I'll just live my life doing and seeing what he has already asked me to do.

Please continue to lift us up during the next couple of days as we load our container. Also lift us up as we are down to 6w before we leave for Rwanda.

Dan Rather, CBS anchor, once asked Mother Teresa what she said during her prayers. She answered, "I listen." So Rather turned the question and asked, "Well then, what does God say?"

To that Mother Teresa smiled with confidence and answered, "He listens".

The ramifications of what occurred today will have long lasting effects!

2009-05-04T20:57:00.001-05:00

See title!

Love,

The Robinsons

Progress Report

2009-04-12T16:20:00.002-05:00

May God be glorified in all the earth!! Jesus is risen! Happy Easter to all.

The last few months have been busy to say the least but I can surely say they have been faith building. At first I had considered using the phrase faith testing but of all the things I can say about my family is that we do not feel our faith has been tested by constant beatings but rather we feel our faith has grown from constant use. We are approaching the final 3 months of our preparations for Rwanda and I can honestly say that I have seen amazing things.

I first want all to know that I give praise every day for Glenwood for their blessings and support. Not a day goes by that I have not lifted the elders, staff and members of our family up in prayer because of the weekly encouragement we receive and the commitment they made to us in the way of our mission support. As many know Glenwood is our sending or home congregation and we could not be were we are without them.

I cannot give thanks and accolades without thinking of and telling the world how much the Rt. 230 Church of Christ in Pennsylvania means to us. They were there with us when we hurt and now they have remembered us and we give praise and give glory to God for their love and offering of support. For a small church they have stood up and committed 1/3 of our ongoing work fund. In addition great people at Rt 230 have donated almost half of our start up funds to date. We have enough money to ship our container and this would not have been possible without these wonderful people.

This month I was asked to come back to East Grand Church of Christ were I grew up and speak during mission Sunday. I love that family and I know they have prayed for me and I cannot say how much it means to me to hear them say it and to have them commit support for our startup and work fund. Because of them I was able to buy our plane tickets this week. Praise God.

The hidden blessing in our trip to Springfield to visit the church at East Grand was that we met a young lady there who grew up in Rwanda. She is the girlfriend of the young man recently hired to be East Grand's youth minister. We were able to sit down with her and show her our slides and talk to her about Rwanda. She has been a blessing for me and my mom. My mom obviously is troubled about our moving to Africa but after spending time with Fotine, she has had so much needed peace. In addition, Fotine has given the church a rare insight to the needs in Rwanda. She was 7 during the genocide and she says her family was marked for death and was on the list of people being hunted. Her father was out of the country at the time and her neighbors were saying he ran away and left his family to die. After the mob came to their house twice and were bribed with beer to go away they had to walk all the way to Burundi where they could finally meet up with her father. I asked her if she would be offended by the video I had for my presentation and her comment was that nothing I could show her could come close to what she had seen with her own eyes. After our presentation she stopped me and thanked me for what our team is doing for her country. I felt God's hand and voice in this young woman. Out of her mouth was a direct invitation to go and help.

Next on my list of blessing is the news that a wonderful friend and family will moving to Rwanda as well. In addition to our team there is another group in Rwanda. They have paved the way for others to come to Rwanda and we all owe them a debt of gratitude. My dear friends the Shrecks from Oklahoma City will be joining the other team in Rwanda. I feel so blessed by the people that God is calling to Rwanda. I cannot be in better company. I only pray that God will help me keep be an encouragement and be able to measure up next to these great workers.

Finally, we sold our house. We have been praying for our home to sell and just felt compelled to sell it ourselves. We prayed diligently for it to sell as did many of you. After weeks of frustration with very few showings we had become a little discouraged. We knew this would not be the wall that stopped us from going to Rwanda because we had come so far already. One day at lunch a friend said to me that selling our house was like David going out to fight Goliath. When David reached the battle field his brothers and even Saul said he could not face Goliath. He was told he was too small and weak. That Goliath was too big. David's answer was that he had fought against bears and lions and had defeated them by the power of God. If God had given the bear and the lion into his hands then why would he not give Goliath into his hands. Goliath would be slain for the glory of the Living God. That was my prayer after that. God has delivered greater things into our hands, we have seen him do greater things than sell a house, this would be easy for God. I know it sounds mystical but God is God and that very week God showed us the person who would eventually buy your house. She said she wanted it but could not until hers sold. We were even asked to consider renting it to her until her old house sold. We agonized over this but knew it was impossible, we could not risk being landlords while in Africa. We had to say no. As we prayed we invited her over to the house to talk about the contract and other options and while she was literally pulling up into our driveway her banker called her and told her that she could get a loan without selling her other house. She walked in the door and said, "Your house is sold". Praise to a God who has done even greater things and who's deeds are recorded to remind us of his past faithfulness and to tell us that he is the same God tomorrow as yesterday.

Well as I the title says, this is supposed to be a progress report. I should have called it "Count Your Blessings".

To date we are 16 weeks from our departure date. We have movers coming to take all of our stuff away on May 4th and the closing of our house is May 8th. Another blessing and a reminder to me is that one of my partners at work has a home that she is going to let us stay in when ours is closed. This reminds me to give thanks for all the individuals out there who make up the largest part of our start up giving and work fund commitment. Without them we would not be going to Rwanda. God please bless each of them a thousand times over for their gifts and love.

We have not yet raised the last 1/2 of our monthly work fund and are still praying for someone or a church body to raise up and commit the last 20,000 per year we need for our ongoing ministry funds.

We have raised 75% of our start up funds. Most of the money we lack is for a vehicle. God has been so gracious and we know he is providing. We are again asking him to raise up someone or a group of people to help us raise the last 40,000 we nee for a vehicle. I would have thought that a large sum (and it is to us) but I have seen great things and I can tell you, $40,000 is easy for God! An amazing story about our start up funds it the cost of getting to Rwanda has become cheaper. We were very anxious about the cost of visas, taxes and work permits. We have been praying for God to give more money for these items but instead he made them cheaper. The government of Rwanda has dropped the fees for work permits and resident visas from about $5000 per family to only $400. We also found out that it is very likely that our container will be tax free on arrival. This will save over $10,000. Sometimes God does not do things the way we expect. Fortunately!

We are still looking for someone to help us with solar equipment. This is a cost of 4000 and is needed because of the common power outages in the Ruhengeri valley. A small generator will cost less and probably run our necessary appliances like the freezer and the modem but that add the cost of fuel to run the generator. After only 6 months of using the solar panels we have saved more in electricity costs than we paid for the equipment. For you business types, our ROI is only 6 months for the solar equipment.

We are praying for God to help us raise 12,000 for our children to attend school in Kigali for the first year. This is a onetime expense and will allow us to have time to learn language full time and to prepare for our final move to Ruhengeri without having to worry about home schooling our children the first year. Some have expressed interest in this fund and we are thankful on a daily basis for that and are awaiting to see what God will do.

I know that fund raising is hard and that many are weary of our asking and we just ask God to constantly show us those who can pray and give. We ask God to give from those who pray. Thanks to those who repeatedly stop us and remind us that they are praying for us. I have to say that sometimes I wonder if I am wearing God out. I think of Gideon when he says, God, please don't be angry with me when (in the words of my children) I say, "Do it again". Just wet the fleece one more time. But you know what.

God is good and he does it over and over. I pray for so many of you and ask that God will shine his great blessing on you.

My prayers go out to Brett and Keli Shreck and their decision. They will be blessed with a stronger faith by all that is to come.

A new definition of Humility

2009-02-23T22:47:00.003-06:00

I want to confess that this week I am guilty of pride. Hard for a guy to say such a thing on the internet; especially when he is soon to move to Rwanda as a missionary. Well, I to am a sinner. Romans 3:23 tells us that “for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” This weekend I realized that my pride had interfered with another prayer that I have been giving to God over the last couple weeks. As a result I have been praying this last couple of days for God to forgive me and to teach me something about humility. I have two sayings about humility that I use commonly in times like this.

1. I hope God will show me how to be humble without actually humiliating me.

2. When I think about the definition of humility I think of a man driving a Ferrari down the interstate at 55 mph.

As the week has progressed God has changed my definition of humility and in the process helped change my heart this week.

This is my new definition of humility.

As I was looking for something in my wallet this week I found this obituary. I had put it away planning on saving it for future encouragement.

I have a story to tell about this servant. I apologize that it is a bit of a long story but I can say that it was worth writing.

This woman is someone I watched die. She was admitted to the hospital in Tyler by what some would call “ an accident” but now looking back I see that it might have been her last act of service to come to my rescue this week but that would be selfish and I can say that she also came to die in Tyler so that she could touch many lives.

She does not live in Tyler but rather, lives in Idaho and Seattle and was only visiting a friend in Tyler the weeks of her death and so again, we should have never met if it had not been God’s will.

I did not meet her first but rather she was admitted urgently and seen by my partner and then passed over to me at our weekly “changing of the guard”. She was visiting friends in Tyler when she began having trouble breathing and after only hours she became completely unable to breath and was brought into the ER by ambulance. She was taken urgently to surgery and had a breathing tube surgically placed in her neck and at that time found to have a large thyroid mass strangling her from the inside. She recovered well after surgery but because of the breathing tube (a tracheotomy) she was not able to speak and was only able to write messages on a pad of paper. On the third day her pathology came back and she had what was referred to as Papillary cancer of the thyroid with an adjacent area of poorly differentiated cells.

Papillary cancer is the most common form of thyroid cancer and is very treatable and it is rare for anyone to die from this type of cancer. It was odd that she had such a bad presentation but after the surgery we all sighed a sigh of relief because we thought she was going to be fine.

After about week it was my turn to be on call and I can confess that I was not anxious to “babysit” a thyroid cancer lady while we waited for the state to send us a letter of permission for a special form of radiation for the treatment of her cancer. Well to my delight she was engaging even on a pad of paper. Over the next couple days I got to know a little bit about her but with her not being able to talk she was learning more about me than I was about her. After a week she finally received her radiation dose and we said good-bye as she was discharged from the hospital.

About a week later she was readmitted to the hospital for more shortness of breath but this time her trach was compressed and she was found to have masses all in her lungs. By this time we knew it was not typical Papillary cancer. A biopsy of the mass protruding into her new breathing tube was found to be Anaplastic thyroid cancer which is 100% fatal with no effective chemotherapy. It grows so fast that it often looks like the surgery makes it explode. The undifferentiated cells found on the original surgery were not part of the Papillary mass, they had been Anaplastic from the beginning.

Because it was shortly after the holiday my turn on call came back up sooner than usual and I was there this time when the pathology came back. By this time the speech therapist had given her an attachment for her trach that allowed her to speak. After I told her about the pathology and the prognosis she did not cry or sound surprised. She simply said that she was ready to go. I have heard this before and many people who say this are still scared and anxious but this woman was truly peaceful. I actually thought her countenance was oddly peaceful.

I went to see her every day and I found myself unable to avoid going back. I was so pleased to get to pray with her and to encourage her. After 3 days I finally told her that I was moving from Tyler to become a missionary. Even though she had never cried during any part of this ordeal, she did cry that day. I thought it was strange. I hardly knew her but she was crying over my leaving, or so I thought.

Over the next couple of days we waited for a hospice bed to open up so she could leave the hospital and die in peace somewhere else. She would ask me about Africa every day and on her last day in the hospital her sisters from Seattle came down to say good-bye and when I came in the room Ms. West exclaimed, “here’s the doctor that I told you about, the one moving to Africa. They all shouted and spent the entire time talking about me and my family and our plans for Africa. Here I was in the presense of this saint and even her family did not say a word about the work Ms. West did in South America. They just kept praising God for the work in Africa.

That was the last day I saw her. As I left she said to me, “I pray for you every day and I will keep you in my prayers”. I didn’t really understand what that meant because I knew she was going away to die and that the last days of her life would be spent in Hospice with others at her side. She would never see me again.

This week when I pulled her obituary out of my wallet and read it again I felt humbled. I know that she did not go to South America to become the woman in this obituary but she trusted God to use her and to make her what he wanted her to become. She was a woman who did not let pride interfere with God’s plan for her life. She trusted him and he gave her his whole spirit.

She never told me she was a missionary. Not even during all the conversations we had about Africa and my plans to move did she or sisters ever say a word.

Today, as I sat thinking of her praying for me with her last breath, I felt God reshaping my heart and teaching me a lesson about humility.

When I need a definition or image of humility to share with my kids or others, I will take out this obituary and share this story.

Saying Goodbye

2009-02-10T21:22:00.002-06:00

The final goodbyes have begun.

In my practice I see patients back at different intervals based on the acuity of their illness and in some cases the acuity of their mental state. Some I choose to bring back because their illness requires it and some come back whether they or I need it. I have patients that come back yearly for the followup ultrasound of their thyroid, some that come back every six months and so on down the time line.

I have began to tell my patients this past week that I was leaving and every day I have crying.

I have been practicing for 6 1/2 years in Tyler and I always find it hard believe that I have truly helped that much. I always feel that I am doing my best but never feel that I have done enough. I find now as I tell those who come to see me that they have put their lives in my hands and they feel that it was I who changed their lives.

As I think about these patients and their encouraging words I begin to think about the work God has called me to in Rwanda. I go into this not fully sure how God is going to use me but I know that His plan is amazing and involves the saving of a people and I pray that just like my practice I have the chance some day to be able to look back and see how God has used me and to see how he has blessed others by His hand on me. I only pray that God will let me be even a small part of his plan.

Home Alone!

2008-12-31T23:39:00.002-06:00

Well, I find myself home alone on this New Year's Eve. This is my year to be on call. I cannot complain much as I have not been on call for New Year's for many years as I have often had the privilege to attend the Cotton Bowl many times in the last 5 years. Yes, sometimes I have volunteered to work on Thanksgiving or Christmas just to be off on New Year's day. In case you're wondering about my preference towards Bowl Games over Christmas, please see my previous post. (for the record, I do love Christmas more than Bowl Games).

As I sit here and attempt to watch the mini-series John Adams I find myself meditating on the joy of the last year and day dreaming about the joy of the year to come.

I think of my dear children and the changes that have come to our family this year. First and foremost we have no more diapers in our home. There is almost no more joy for a parent of 4 children, who at one time, I think, had three children in diapers at one point.

I think of my wonderful wife who so bravely stood by me in our decision and many times stood between me and certain death as we made our decision known to others.

I think of my son Samuel who still thinks he wants to paint water towers for a living. I think that is awesome!

I think of Aaron who at his most intimate moment can still only say, "I wike you daddy". He has no comforting or compassionate bone in his body so I cherish the word "wike" as I suspect it really means "love". He has become our Big A. That is what our family calls him. Sometimes we refer to him as A.O. He can spell his name but when he writes it he only writes AO.

I think of Grace who has become the best swimmer. Swimming was a passion of mine as a young teenager and even without my prodding she has come to love it. She brings me such joy. Of all our children she is most like me. I ache to know the great Godly woman she is to become!

I think of Madelyn. She has a 100% in spelling and I am not sure she has missed a spelling word in years. She is independent. She is the most capable and responsible 7 year old I have ever seen. So much so I must constantly remind myself that she is also one of the most cunning. She is the only child of mine that I cannot tell when she lies. She is my challenge and that is also joy.

I think of the day at the end of last year that I sat in a room alone with Marty Koonce and prayed that God would make his will for me and my family known. I think of the day we sat in our home with the Koonces and gave our fears and anxiousness over to the Lord.

I think of the night that Glenwood said they would stand behind us and provide for the needs of our family and support the work of God in Rwanda!!!

I think of Rt 230 Church of Christ who has surrounded us with prayer and said they will help us get to Rwanda.

I look forward to being able to give glory to God for that one last partner that will come to our aid and provide our ongoing work fund. I look forward to being able to share that joy with all of you this year!

I look forward to arriving in Rwanda and joining a team of families that I already love so much. I find joy in knowing that I will learn to speak the word of God in another language. That I will see the hand of God change the hearts and lives of countless men, women and families. I look forward to learning a new and exciting way of life. Learning to live life at a completely new pace. I look forward in seeing how God will use this new life to change and mature the spirits of my already wonderful children.

I look forward to being in Rwanda on January 1, 2009 and being able to look back at all the ways God has provided for my family and the people of His church.

Bless all of you and know that I pray for you.

Bowls: Better than Christmas?

2008-12-18T21:12:00.004-06:00

We have been in continuous prayer for our teammates in Togo. The Koonces and Crowsons have left Togo for the last time and will be arriving in Rwanda shortly. I lift them up to you to ask that you pray for them.

Here in Tyler, we are continuing to undergo even more changes and final chapters. We have been blessed by family and friends this holiday season. We realize that each holiday that passes will be the last celebrated with this family for the next 2 years. We were blessed by the fellowship of family at Thanksgiving and had a wonderful office party for Christmas and anxiously look forward to Christmas with family.

I know it seems trivial but one other "last" that is approaching is Bowl season. We love college football in our home. We love to watch the Sooners and the Penn State Nittany Lions. We are going to miss Bowl season. I love the controversy that surrounds the BCS. Arguing about the rankings is half the fun. Well this year it was made even worse. I have always sat back in my chair and watched the big bowls and wondered what it would be like to be there. Well, I have a patient that starts on the defense of the Utah Utes. For those who don't know, they are considered "the BSC busters" again. They will be playing the previously #1 team in the nation, Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. The family of my patient called today and offered me two free tickets to the Sugar Bowl in the family section of the stadium.

I was in pain. I had to say no. I wanted to go so bad but at this time in our life we are not equipped to make such a trip. In a joking, sort of way, I am figuring out what Jesus was asking when he asked us to give up our lives for him.

Sounds silly but stuff like this is a major part of our lives now. Satan seems to be placing the world at our feet over the last year. He has shown us many great things and I feel that we have been shown these things to make us want more and to make us more aware of what we won't have when we get to Rwanda.

Satan temped Jesus with splendor in Luke 4:

The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. 6And he said to him, "I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. 7So if you worship me, it will all be yours."

8Jesus answered, "It is written: Worship the Lord your God and serve him only."

I love what God has done for us and we again recommit our lives to him and freely give up all things to serve him only.

Please continue to pray for our family. Pray that we will continue to have courage and not be blind to the things Satan is throwing at us to distract us from God's will.

And lasty; BOOMER SOONERS!!!

Current Needs

2008-12-02T06:47:00.002-06:00

· Kids clothes

o Girls (all clothes should be knee length or longer)

§ Dresses/skirts with adjustable waist band , if possible in sizes 8,10,12

§ Jeans with adjustable waist band, if possible, in sizes 8,10,12

§ Very modest blouses 8,10,12

§ Shirts (three quarter sleeve, longs sleeve, short sleeves)

§ Underwear 8,10,12

§ Socks white and dress

§ Shoes sizes 12,1,2,3,4

· Dress

· Tennis shoes

· Sandals

§ Hair clips/bows

§ Light dress sweaters sizes 8,10, 12

§ Rain coats/windbreakers

§ Pajamas sizes 8,10,12

o Boys

§ Jeans size 5,6,7 (slim or adjustable weight)

§ Dockers type pants blue and khaki colored size 5,6,7,8 (slim or adjustable weight)

§ short sleeve and long sleeve dress shirts 5,6,7,8

§ short and long sleeve t-shirts 5,6,7,8

§ shoes toddler sizes 8,9,10,11,12 and boys sizes 1,2

· dress sandals

· dress shoes

· tennis shoes

· boots

§ socks

§ underwear sizes 5,6,7,8

§ light jackets sizes 5,6,7,8

· DVDs

o Family friendly movies

· Music

o Any music

§ Oldies

§ Contemporary Christian

§ Pre 90s rock

o Sheet music for

§ piano

§ simple music for guitar

§ clarinet

§ simple music for violin

· Books

o Educational

o Bible study

o Leisure

§ Historical fiction

§ fiction

o Children’s books

§ Educational

· Biographies for young readers

· Books for 5-7 year old boys

· Books for girls age 8-12

· Hygiene items

o Tooth brushes

o Tooth paste

o Deodorant soap

o Dove green

o Razors

§ schick twin (green or blue)

§ Venus breeze cartridges

o Shaving cream

o Shampoo and conditioner for kids and adults

· Food Items (these items need to be collected and packed in our container the first week of June 2009)

o Holiday treats and items

o Canned tomato paste

o Rotel

o Mac and cheese (dry cheese, no liquid cheese packs)

o Peanut butter

o Bulk size spices

o Chips of all flavors

o Dr. Pepper (no diet)

o Candy bars of all kind

o Dry food packets

§ Pasta sauces

§ Noodle packets

§ Mexican seasoning packs

§ Chili seasoning packs

· Financial needs that we are praying for individuals or groups to donate

o Container shipping costs $17,000

o Container import tax in Rwanda $4000

o Vehicle in Rwanda $32,000

o Vehicle inport tax $10,000

o Visas $400 per person

o One year of school in Kigali Christian School $9600

o Plane tickets for final travel to Rwanda $12,000

o Generator $1300

o Extras:

§ Solar panels for our home (plenty of power outages in Ruhengeri) $3200

Thanksgiving

2008-12-02T06:22:00.003-06:00

Well, another "last" has come and gone. It kind of felt that way even though it was not a true last but with the passing of this Thanksgiving we did realize we would not be with family next Thanksgiving. It did have some emotion associated with it but I want to give credit to Kristin's family and say that rather than dwelling on this fact or complaining about it they were encouraging, peaceful and understanding. I am thankful that they have realized the necessity of this mission. I give thanks to the Lord for the Ford family and their continued love and prayers.

I did spend some time in reflection about the Thanksgiving to come. We will find ourselves in the capital of Rwanda. We will find ourselves with new family and I think we are both excited about the new relationships we will continue to build and nurture. I am excited that we will be with the Koonce and Crowson families. We look forward to sharing our hearts with them and we look forward to growing under God's guidance and nurturing.

Our planning has continued to vamp up a little as we winter arrives. It has forced us to begin sorting out clothing for our children. We have began the difficult task of planning for our children's clothing needs for the next 2 years. They will no longer need winter clothes or hot summer clothing. They will need two years of spring and fall clothing. The weather in Rwanda is around 75-80 degrees all the time. We realized that we are sorting their winter clothes for the last time and have already packed most of the summer clothing to give away.

Each of these "lasts" continues to bring us closer to the reality of God's plan. We are excited to begin this segment of our journey but we are also stressed by it. Kristin and I have different ideas of what must be done first and what is the most important and as all married couples do, we take that out on each other. Fortunately we have the love that God has granted us and we have a unified heart about this mission and God renews us with peace each day. We have continued to pray together about this trip and we again ask that each of you remember to lift up our family and the work that we are undertaking.

Prayer needs this month:

Two families in our team are moving to Rwanda in the next 2 weeks. The Koonce family and the Crowson family have said their goodbyes in Togo and are leaving this week. Please pray for them.

We pray for safe travel for our family during the holidays and I pray that my family in Missouri will be as supportive as Kristin's was. This will be our last Christmas for 2 years.

We are praying for our fund raising. I have been blessed by two great workers in this area. My partner at work, Sylvia, has undertaken the task of being our liaison to the other doctors in the clinic and has begun raising money in this area. She has done an amazing job and so I ask that you pray for her and those who are giving.

We still await word from Preston Road church of Christ who is still considering a mission team to support. We were told they would meet this month.

We need prayers for planning. We have many lists and they grow by the day. Pray that we will not take the stress of this out on each other.

We do have continued financial needs and because our teammates are in the process of moving, our web site has not been updated to include our current needs list. I will post that on this blog for now.

Thank you all for your prayers. We are humbled to hear over and over again people say, "We are praying for you". We are strengthened and encouraged by your love and the fact that we are not alone in this journey.

Blessings to all and Happy Thanksgiving. Praise and Honor to the God of all.

9...

2008-11-03T22:11:00.002-06:00

It is hard to explain the emotions we are experiencing. It is so hard to believe that when we finally let ourselves see what God was planning for us that the joy and excitement would be surrounded by other strange and sometimes painful emotions.

We are at 9 months and counting down.

Work was painful last week and I was hit hard with some surprising emotions. I expected to have emotions of various sorts when telling my patients goodbye and I have experienced those in the few patients with whom I have shared this journey. But, as I sat in the Trinity Clinic board meeting and voted on who I wanted to replace me I began to feel quite anxious and almost depressed. I knew months ago that the day would come for me to resign from the board but I did not expect it to "hurt". That same day the executive medical director (my boss and my great spiritual mentor) came to me and said that the clinic was going to reorganize its administrative structure and that since I was leaving they had chosen someone to replace me and that my job was being reallocated. Again, I had already planned to resign that position at the first of the year but the reality of it was difficult. It is harder to have something taken from you that it is to give it up freely.

If that's not all, during our "trunk or treat" at church I ran into the Ries family (missionaries to Togo for last 10 years) who were there visiting mutual friends. I asked the boys if they were having a good time and Tracy Ries said "they're handling it pretty well for their first Halloween". For just a second I was frozen because in that same second I realized that this was likely my kids last Halloween and they didn't even know it.

After praying about these and many other sudden realizations I was reminded of Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

I know there is much that we will miss and many more that our children will miss and we are guilty of holding on to things and forgetting that we have been chosen this work and we (Kristin and I) believe with all our hearts that God has chosen this work for us and our family and we will do as he asks and we will seek to serve him whole heartedly without regret.

Paul in his letter to the Philippians recounts all the great things he has to boast about. How great his education was, how great his "job" or position was and then says, "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."

Kristin and I feel blessed to have been called to Rwanda. He has and will give us the strength that we need. We accept this without regret. Please continue to pray for us.

Brian

Fund Raising

2008-11-03T14:56:00.006-06:00

Many of you have asked about our fund raising and other needs. We give great praise to God for his willingness and ability to provide.

We have been given our salary by our loving family at Glenwood and already know that with nothing else, we will serve in Rwanda.

We are still waiting to hear from individual donors and churches regarding our start-up fund. We need about $45,000-$50,000 for this and this amount includes our first year working fund. This fund will allow us to get to Rwanda and begin language training and allow us to begin being productive in the ministry set forth by our team arriving in Rwanda in Jan 2009.

This amount is larger than previously expected. After contacting the shipping company it appears that the global price of fuel has increased container shipping costs by almost 50%. We are hoping to find a single church family or a group of committed donors to join together and donate the 16,000 needed for our container shipping costs.

Beginning in 2010 we will need this fund to continue but it will be our work fund for the initiation of our ministry in Ruhengeri. We expect this amount to be around $35,000-$45,000 and continue as an ongoing expense.

We are praying for individual donors to begin giving regularly by January 2009 so that we can begin arranging for our container and small needs that are not in our large start up budget such as 220 volt transformers, immunizations, passports, etc.

We have moments were we are overwhelmed but as we see God lift up amazing people to come to our aid we consider ourselves loved and blessed.

Many of you have called or emailed to let us know that you are praying and supporting us. We pray for you constantly. Praise God for you and your faith.

Brian

Over Exposed

2008-10-14T21:01:00.002-05:00

I was talking to a wonderful and precious friend from my past this week and the subject of blogging came up. I mentioned that it was so hard to be a continuous blogger because you were never sure if your blog should be an "informative" tool or a diary. If you have read mine you can see that it has been both. I was thinking this week and writing in my diary (to masculinize it, Logbook) and I thought that I would share this thought and prayer request with you because I know that each of you has been faithful in praying for us and continually shows your faith in us by supporting us.

I have truly enjoyed the class and sermon series at church the last couple weeks. The series on the parables of Jesus has continued to remind me of what Jesus was and is saying to us today.

This weeks lesson was on Luke 16:19 and following. The Rich Man and Lazarus.

I love the book of Luke. Besides the fact that it was written by a gentile, and a doctor at that, I love that Luke's focus is the gospel to the poor, the women and the gentiles. All of which were despicable to the Jews. I can almost see Luke sitting at his desk writing to this "Theophilus", also a gentile, almost saying to himself, "I cannot believe these Jews did not see this coming". I cannot believe that they have turned their head in denial of not only Jesus the person but his teaching. "My research is so conclusive, how can they not see it"? (That's the doctor in him).

In Luke 16, after Lazarus and the rich man die the rich man is being tormented and asks "I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father's house... Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment." This rich man knew Lazarus' name! He was not a stranger. The rich man walked by him every day and did not see him. The poor were everywhere and I'm sure it made Jesus overwhelmed with frustration and sadness that the "Godly" people of that day did not even see them.

We have been having our Sunday night ministry at the Benevolence for over two years now and I confess that before we started this study the people who walked up and down the street with their old bike, shopping carts and 3 layers of clothes in the summer time (so no one will steal them) had no names to me and were invisible. Now, I see them all. I see them hiding in their little corners at the stores, malls, and the wooded clearings around town. I praise God for opening my eyes. I realize that I was not tuned in to God's view of the world. Now I know their names. (It is almost strange to hear your 5 year old, from the back seat of the van, say as we pass the corner at Brookshires, "Hey there's Mary".) She's the one who hold the sign, will work for food.

My fear, and my point, is that I have been praying that God would not allow my eyes to be covered and my feelings to be callused when we move to Rwanda. The fear of overexposure because of the mass of people in need is so great that I am afraid of becoming blind to God's plan for me and forgetting to see the forest because of the trees.

Please pray that not only me but Kristin and our children will see God's world through the eyes of Jesus and seek out every chance to serve. I know it can and will be overwhelming at times but with the compassion and love of Christ we will prevail.

Lord do not let any of your workers be blinded to the works you have prepared for us.

I want each of you to know that I lift up all those who pray for us and ask great blessings and peace on you.

10...

2008-10-01T22:18:00.005-05:00

As a father of two little boys (who are awesome) it is common around our house to hear the Rocket Countdown. You know, 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BLASTOFF!!! With a 3 year old it is more like 10...9...8...2...1...BWAST OFF!!!

Well this is were we are at on our journey to Rwanda. We are now at 10 months and counting down. As you can imagine this means many more long nights and unfortunately a few stress "discussions" between me and my dearest wife. Yes, we are human and we admit it.

The past month has been so amazing. God has been so faithful to us and repeatedly shown us his great commitment to answering our prayers.

At the beginning of this month I was becoming a little stressed about our fund raising when an amazing thing happened. A great man came to me and actually said, "I want to be in charge of your fund raising". Now, I polled numerous missionaries and none of them have ever had such a thing happen. God is amazing. This has given me more peace than I could have imagined at this point in our journey.

After this the missions chair at Glenwood called and said that the missions team and mission elders had agreed that Glenwood would be our sponsoring church. Within a month we had our entire mission salary committed by the mission committee, Elders and church body.

The same month we had our dear family from Hershey, PA call and invite us to give our mission presentation to the church body. After 3 days there we felt like we had never left. The church just took us in and loved us. They have committed to helping us and we are now awaiting the decision from their budget team about that commitment.

It is not their faithful commitment to the Lord that impresses me because I see that all the time in them but it is the faith that these two bodies have placed in me that not only impresses me but humbles me.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

After all this, I was actually able to sit down at a table in Lindale with Marty Koonce and have breakfast. It was unfortunate that he was here because he had to rush back for the funeral of a close family member. In spite of this I was so blessed and my heart was filled up with joy and I had the joy of reliving the excitement that we experienced the day we sat in our home with the Koonces and made that monumental and faithful decision to move to Africa. Praise God and God bless the Koonces, His great tool in this amazing and intricate plan.

Our prayer requests for this month are:

1. our children. they seem to be adjusting but we are just getting into a busy part of this journey and they do drop hints (likely unintentional) of their thoughts on Rwanda. They go back and forth between being excited and being sad.

2. We continue to seek support for our start up funds and future work funds. please pray for the churches that are still "pondering" our request for funds. Rt. 230 Church of Christ, Park Plaza Church of Christ, New Hope Church of Christ, Cinco Ranch Church of Christ and Preston Road Church of Christ.

3. We want to lift up thanks and praise to God for Glenwood Church of Christ and Rt. 230 Church of Christ for their faith in us.

4. Peace in our home while we begin to pack and plan for packing our container.

Thank you all so much for your love and faith. Thank you and bless you.

Brian and Kristin

11 months and counting

2008-09-01T20:40:00.002-05:00

Well, as you can tell from the title of this blog we have 11 months remaining until our departure. We hope and plan to work and live in Tyler until August 2009. My last day at work is expected to be August 3, 2009.

The last stage we were aware of in this journey was that of the anxiousness and stress of moving, rethinking our future and the idea of leaving all that we have felt was certain and concrete in our lives (we do realize that none of it was really concrete) but many of us think of our retirement or even our job next week as "certain". Now we begin a new stage. This one has been one that is multifaceted. We have had the anxiousness of the total number of tasks that need completed before our family steps off the plane in Kigali. WOW! Huge number of things. We pray about them often but the pop up faster than we conquer them.

The other phase we are moving in at this point is humility. We have had many great friends over the last 10 years as we move along this path but it has been this decision that has shown us that our lives have touched and been touched by so many others. We have had people whom we have known for many years to just new friends and even just acquaintances stop us to tell us how much they think of our decision. We have had people that I don't even know tell us how they are inspired by our plans and faith. We have had great leaders say that they would commit themselves to us in prayer. We have had great friends commit financially. We have had people even come to us and say that they wanted to take some of our burdens away and do some of the things that are stressing us the most.

I have been so thankful that God has seen fit to humble me in this way rather than what I deserve, to be humiliated by God. I give great thanks to God for showing us others who want to walk this walk with us and to carry some of our burdens. It has made me feel that we are not alone in this journey and I am beginning to see that I am not alone in this and I am just the forward extension of the dreams and hopes of many others. I know that in my nature I may fail to meet expectations and I will be weak and even petty and shallow sometimes but by the grace of God I will be faithful, willing and able to do all that He asks of me.

I say thanks to those who have come along side of us to carry our burden. We seek so much prayer and we have given up great prayers of thanks for those who have the gifts to aid us in this journey.

Our prayers for this "month 11" are not limited to but include:
Fund raising
support team at all churches who provide funds
Our teammates the Koonces and Crowsons who will be moving to Rwanda in December
Our teammates the Reeves and Millers who are in Togo and will be on furlough next summer
Our children. We have family meetings now and the topics are usually about what they are going through.

Thank you all.
Brian and Kristin

You Give Me Joy That's Unspeakable...

2008-06-23T20:00:00.006-05:00

Now, this is not the image you would expect to follow this title. In many Christian circles one would expect to be scolded or mocked when associating Joy with a material object but I say "blahh" to that. As you can see my boat is not one that a normal person would take pride in and so the shear ugliness of it protects me from becoming proud but without doubt it has been the focal point for much of my joy over the last 2 weeks.

This boat was bought completely without my blessing and against my better judgment. It has brought financial pain since I have spent almost as much keeping it floating (literally) and running as I did to purchase it. It has brought physical pain at the hands of my brother and brother-in-law who find their joy in turning the 75 foot rope that tethers me to the boat into a slingshot (by the way, I fully understand the principle of water being a solid surface at high speed). Yet, over the last two weeks it has brought such joy into our lives.

My brother and I have not had the greatest relationship over the last 10 years. We have been separated by distance both physically and spiritually. Over the last 10 years of our lives he and his family have not visited us once but in the last year they have been here twice. The most recent occasion was two weeks ago. We took them to the lake and spent the day on the beach and on the boat. It was such a great time of healing and joy. We had time to communicate. We enjoyed being boys again like we did as children. I had the chance to see that there was a seed of faith growing in him again and that maybe he was looking for nourishment in this visit. Oddly enough, I was nourished more than I expected. I praise God for this.

This past weekend we took our boat and went to the lake and beach again (now our favorite thing to do); this time with our dear friends the Drewetts. We have missed them since they moved to Austin. As we all were enjoying our day I could not help but wonder how many more times we would enjoy such great friends and how many wonderful memories we would make with them and so many others like them before we move to Rwanda. I was actually getting down about it and feeling depressed but then I started to think. This was opportunity to see the joy of the moment. Over the last few months I have been focusing on the future and not the present. I have been praying for peace and not only has God given me this but in the last few weeks he has given me great Joy.

I ask for prayers for joy in the moment. I have a habit of "planning joy" but that does not work with four kids. So I ask to see the joy that is in my own house with my own children.
I ask for prayer for my brother and his family and for his walk with God. He has known a close walk with God in the past and I pray he will long for it again.
Sounds silly but I pray that my boat will go all summer without failure (as it has every summer since buying it) and that it will continue to bring me and my family and my great friends joy.

Thank you

2008-05-29T18:05:00.002-05:00

I wanted to thank each of you for praying for me and my family. We realize that we have great limitations in our abilities and personalities. Through you prayers and kind words we have found much peace in our decision and as always realize that God is God and he makes us what he wants us to be. Kristin and I have asked each other again this week, "is this the thing to do". The answer is always "yes". We are excited to be chosen for this great task and we constantly pray that we will have the strength to do this task. We know that we are not called to Rwanda to fail. We may have to measure our success by God's standards, which may be a whole new lesson for us, but we will not fail. God is great!!

We are in a valley now. We see behind us the great peaks of excitement that was the day we decided and the day we sat in our home with the Koonces and gave the rest of our lives to this work and ahead of us is the great day we will leave for Rwanda with our family. In the middle is anxiousness, frustration, waiting, stress, fund raising, and temptation to give up. I told Kristin that I hope the success and the value of what we do will be equal to the level of temptation and physical despair. It is obvious that Satan does not want this because he is trying hard to blind us from our goal.

Thank you for your prayers.

Prayer request

2008-04-29T20:53:00.003-05:00

This is sort of an extension of the previous posting but more in the form of a prayer request.

Please be gentle in your judging of me and bold in your prayers for us.

I have been waking up at night anxious. I have called them "mini" panic attacks. I've never had a panic attack but the anxiousness that I feel is real. I have prayed about this and I have become to realize that my concerns are the concerns of a dieing flesh and hopefully a growing spirit.

I have been afraid that my talents are not suited for mission work. That I am fooling myself.
I have been afraid of taking my family all the way to Rwanda and not being able to do the job God wants me to do.
I had thoughts of not knowing or being able to discern what that job is.
I have been afraid that I will not be able to minister to others the way others on our team do.
I am afraid of being left to my own failures as a team member.
I am afraid that the the word team is a social description far more than a spiritual or working description and that I will be unable to contribute to the ministry needs of our group but rather be burden to our work.
I will find myself leading and teaching young men who need more than the faith and wisdom I can provide.

I am afraid that I cannot give to my family the things that we need spiritually, socially or emotionally.

I don't need a response to any of these just prayers. I don't believe God will allow any of these to happen but that the enemy is crafty and desires each of them to occur and to cause the failure of my work and would love for me to be convinced of my short comings. God has given me the gift of medicine and the gift of compassion and a love for His word and I know that he will make us secure in His loving and faithful arms.

I know that God has called us to another life and the pain I am feeling is the death of a future. We have know of God's desire to use us this way for over 10 years but in the last 2 years where we could see the end of our student loans coming, we let ourselves be convinced of a "brighter future". Using the monthly payments from our student loans to do "fun and exciting" things and having the quarterly bonuses all to ourselves (aside from the tithe) and enjoying the new RV, the boat, the ......

While in Dallas, Murphy said to us that he had to consciously let go of his future.

I thought we had done that but the pain resurges at the most unusual moments.

I am feeling the pain of fully dieing to self and being raised with Christ through our great and loving Father. Please pray for this continued transition. I realize it is a life long struggle but this part is really hard.

God love you all.
Brian

What is it all worth

2008-04-21T07:01:00.002-05:00

Over the last few months we have found ourselves in a cycle of ups and downs. We find ourselves excited and anxious to get this preparation phase over with. We have stopped speaking out loud of the things we will miss and the things we are giving up. But we both think these thoughts and are reminded each time we see or hear the familiar sights and sounds of our daily lives. As I drive down the road to Lindale I pass by the RV super store and have severe chest pain thinking about the 2005 34 foot class A RV that sleeps eight I have to tell my dear friend I cannot buy. I take my kids to school every day and I see their teachers and I see Grace finally, after 5 years at Grace Community, interact and show affection for other girls in her class and then realize that she has to give that up. In church I sing out load despite the fact that I cannot sing;I realize that in 15 months I will be worshiping in a small church with very few singers and then a year after that I will find myself singing in a language I barely understand in a church planted by God through my feeble but hopefully faithful efforts. Each time I open the pantry and the lockers I built by hand I have heart ache of work done for what, to make my house (that I moved my family into) a better place to live.

I ask myself almost every day, What is this all worth? Moving to Rwanda that is. I lay awake at night wondering if changing my life to the point that I will now live on social security for the last days of my life (I hope) rather than my Trinity Clinic pension plan and my 403b and my Rabbi fund is worth it. Is it worth moving to a place where my children won't get to choose their friends but will have to seek friendship among the 15 other kids that coexist in their new world. Then the real pain comes from the thoughts of what my wife has and will give up. She has been 100% part of this decision and it is a decision we have made together but in my heart I ask myself, "What is it that God is asking of her, is it worth it to her".

I used to think of the story that Jesus told about the woman who gave her last coin when the Pharisee gave a large amount of money as a story just about giving all that you have a the time but as I read and study through the stewardship class, Matthew 28 ministries, I realize that she was not giving up her last coin and food for the day, she was giving her whole future to God. She was giving up all that she had with likely no way of getting more or knowing where more would come from. She didn't have a pension. When she put that coin in the jar she was saying to God. I give you my future. I give you my life because now I cannot sustain it. I trust in you God to sustain me and give me a new future.

I ask that of God today. I want to give up my future as I have crafted it. I am willing to give it up and I feel the pain of that. I feel the flesh dieing and it is painful. I don't ask for pain nor do I believe that suffering is going to make my sacrifice more worthy nor my work more successful but death must come to the flesh in order for their to be peace. I ask for this only. Rest in God's faithful arms.

Wise Men

2008-04-20T22:06:00.002-05:00

After much effort, we sent out our first mission packet. Some of you have seen it and I hope you found it informative. It is a culmination of all that we want others to know about us and our work. After send them out I began to pray that God would guide them and let them arrive at their destination safely. I then began to pray for the hands that they would fall into and that those hands would be the hands of wise and faithful servants. I asked God to let these men and women read it fully and see that this is an important yet difficult work and that we are serious about our desire and we are willing to do His will. I prayed that God would give us a sign that this had happened and that we would know that others felt the significance of this ministry just as seriously as we do.

Surprisingly (we always say words like this when we forget that God is in control and that He does actually hear us) the Saturday after mailing them out, one of the wisest and Godliest men I know, my mentor and the senior medical director of the Trinity clinic stopped me while we were at a wedding and said to me, "Brian, I spent the whole morning reading your packet and just felt that this work is so bold and overwhelming but so wonderful."

I was in awe of God's power. I spoke to Him, he listened and He acted. I know that He does just this daily but to continually see God act in on behalf of such a worthless sinner as me is truly amazing and humbling.

I am so thankful that God answers prayers.

Waiting

2008-04-09T20:54:00.002-05:00

This past weekend we mailed out our first actual fund raising packets. Some solicited, some not. We are certainly anxious to hear about both. We have been praying for the packets and the people who would receive them. We are confident that God will be continually faithful in providing for us, just as he had been in the past. He has blessed us greatly over the last 5 years and I certainly hope we have had the chance to bless others over the years. It is odd. Many times we have heard of people who had needs and have prayed and given freely but I cannot remember ever asking God to nudge anyone to give to me financially. Ironically though, despite the fact that we do so well, people who are not so blessed have sent us money in the past. Never could understand why. Point is, it is humbling and foreign to us to send out letters in order to raise enough money for a family of six to live on.

I would ask each of you to pray for us and the packets. Pray that they will fall into understanding and generous hands. We are burdened by so many needs for our new work that has not even begun yet. Actually I am the list maker and have many lists and a certain amount of stress attached to each one. I have begun to find peace as Kristin and friends remind me that God is the giver and he is faithful. Please pray that I will not forget to do the things that are important now and to focus on loving my wife, my children and taking care of my patients in a way that is deserving of their faith in me.

God bless,
Brian

Blessings

2008-03-28T19:50:00.002-05:00

This week has been a mix of great anxiousness and great blessings. I am of course reminded of Philippians 4:6;

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

As faithful as I feel sometimes this is hard for me. I am a person who believes that I can make most anything happen and have been humbled by God many times as a result, some lessons have been quite painful. Anyway, this week have been telling friends and coworkers of our intent to move to Africa and have been met with mixed emotions. All are happy, few are surprised and some are heartbroken. Such was one today. We actually told a close friend last night and after the initial "I knew it would come" and an attempt at a strong outward "happiness" I was met this morning by pure emotional heartbrokeness. During the course of the day, many of my coworkers asked many questions about the work we want to do, were we were going to live and about support. We talked about all of these. During our talk about money the subject of how much money we needed came up and then "what will you spend that money on" was the inevitable next question. I told them about how we had to have new major appliances because we did not have 220 volt appliances here in the states and that Africa had 220 outlets. I also mentioned that my computers were very old and at this age, had small storage and were unreliable. We talked about other things like mattresses, couches, expenses for shipping containers, school for the kids and vehicles.

Well this evening our friend called and asked to bring dinner over and when she arrived gave me and Kristin each cards. In the card, besides tidings of love, were checks. In mine was enough money to buy a new Mac computer and in Kristin's was a check for enough money to buy all the major appliances we will need in Africa. I would like to say that I was stunned but I have to say that I have always been blessed by her love and generosity for our family and was not surprised by the great gifts. We praise God for her generosity and ask God to bless her spirit with peace.

Back But Ready To Go

2008-03-27T21:42:00.003-05:00

Well, we have arrived home safe and we now have or at least know the location of all our luggage. We have suffered greatly from jet lag. We are cranky. If you think and adult is difficult to deal with when tired and jet lagged, you should see an 8 year old. We did not get along well yesterday.

We at least made it home safe. Now that we are home we have been anxiously preparing our first mail out for our mission to Rwanda. We have been writing letters, making budgets and praying.

We have began making lists and planning for our move and the details that need to be taken care of to make our move safe and successful. I thought I was a list person but now I am in overload. It is almost fun but at the end of the day, fun is not quite the right word. We pray that God will give us endurance and help us be complete and diligent.

I have begun to inform our friends family and coworkers of our plans and I can say it is aging me. Every time I have to sit down with a coworker, administration or friends, I get chest pain. We have been met by so many different levels of reactions. We have been mostly overwhelmed by repeated encouragement and words of encouragement. It is blessed to hear so many people say, we knew this day would come or, I already knew this would happen. It is so great to see that we have been seen as the people we have tried to be. This is a testimony to the Lord and His presence in us. We pray that His amazing spirit will continue to abide in us. We continually seek prayers from each of you and ask that you will remind others of our need for prayer.

God bless.

Ready to Go

2008-03-10T09:11:00.002-05:00

Well, it's time to go. The Neal's (Don and Jane) are arriving soon to pray with us for our trip. We have been so blessed by their encouragement, as we have all of you, and we are so happy that they asked to come to the house this morning to pray over us.

I can hardly believe this step has arrived. The Cashes seem to be in such need of distraction. We hope God will give them encouragement while we are there. We hope we can adequately express the love that Glenwood has sent with us.

We are asking God to show us the need he has for us in Rwanda. We have asked God to let this trip be a learning trip, not a deciding trip. We have made our decision but God will make this trip what he wants. We have asked God to put us in the hands of others who are ministering to the Rwandans and to show us how we can provide love and hope to the people of Ruhengeri. We will be driving to Ruhengeri on March 18 and will need your prayers. We will be praying for the city and the people who live there and ask God to make us a safe home there.

God bless you all and thank you for your prayers.

Almost ready

2008-03-04T11:14:00.002-06:00

Well, we are on the final countdown. I have one more day of work this week. We have began our packing. Kristin is awesome. She has packed each kid for each leg of their trips. Samuel went to my mom's house this weekend. Madelyn and Aaron will go to Kristin's parents tomorrow. Madelyn will get picked up by my mom in OKC next week. Grace will spend 3 days at Avon Adam's house then join us in our trip to Africa. Kristin planned and packed for each leg of each person's trip in addition to packing us for Orlando on Thursday followed immediately by the flight to Africa. We have packed 8 trunks for Africa, too many. It will cost us. We have been putting stuff in the trunks like puzzles. I suppose it is good practice for our own mission.

In the end we are ready and tired. We will overcome.

At this point Grace is more excited to stay at Avon's home that the trip to Africa.

In regard to our mission. We have been praying for God to show his continual faithfulness and show us some areas that he is going to support our family. Over the weekend he has given us confirmation that two churches are going to give us financial support for Rwanda. We don't know the dollar amounts yet and are still praying for this part. We are still praying for good people and good churches to step up and commit assistance to fill the needs that are remaining after these commitments.

Please pray with us for these issues. Pray for our children while we are gone. Please pray for our trip. Pray for the Cashes.

Getting Ready

2008-02-24T16:43:00.003-06:00

Well, it has been a while since adding to my blog. Bad for me, I know. It has been a difficult couple of weeks. Ask any doctor who admits to Trinity Mother Francis what their week was like. The hospital is busting at the seams. There were, on average, 23 people spending their stay in the ER rather than in a regular room because there was no room in the inn. Three of those were mine during the week before last. It would have been four but the last one was 12 and we had to find her a room since she was a minor. (no pediatric trained nurses in the ER). In addition to that my online bible class at Harding continued pile on the work. I was overwhelmed by the work and it showed. By the grace of God I was able to keep afloat by doing 2 weeks worth of homework before I started call. This was going great until last Sunday night when I realized that I did not have a 10 question quiz over Colossians 3 and 4 on that Wednesday but it was "Test 2" with 100 questions over Ephesians, Philippians and Colossians. Oh well. God granted me more knowledge than I needed. It is hard to settle for less than 100% when you've been to Medical school. I did have to settle.

We are nearing our trip to Uganda and Rwanda. We are flying to Uganda on March 10 and staying with the Cashes until March 17. We are going from the Cashes to Kigali Rwanda on March 17 and will be visiting the Jenkins, Shewmakers and hopefully the Beards while in Kigali. I hope to meet with some of the people in the Ministry of Health for Rwanda to see if there is a way for me to use my medical training in Rwanda. We will go to Ruhengeri for a couple days by car (kind of excited to drive in Rwanda, don't tell Kristin that I'm excited; it kind of worries her). When we get to Ruhengeri we will try to meet with Drs. Caleb and Louise King who are doctors in the Musanzi region. They are about an hour south of Ruhengeri. I want to see how their work is set up and by the end of the trip I would like to see if God wants to use me a pure church planting capacity or in partially or wholly medical mission manner. I truly have no idea how this will look later in the future.

We are excited about the whole trip but need prayers for endurance, especially for our daughter Grace. We pray that she will love it. She has no clear idea that we are going to move to Rwanda but she knows we have been talking about spending more time with the Koonces and Crowsons and we have asked her about whether she is interested in living near them. She seem skeptical but she is not stupid and gives us hints that she thinking about the things we have been discussing in "code" the last few months.

We really want to be blessings to the Cashes and we want to receive so much blessing from them. We hope God will show us a vision of the faith that keeps them in Uganda.

We have not started packing but will likely do so tomorrow. We are excited by the challenge of making all 6-9 trunks weigh 50 lb. It is like a puzzle. I hate puzzles.

We need prayers for
Endurance
self control
safety
vision of God's purpose for our mission
vision to see what is real in Rwanda and not let Satan cover our minds and the eyes of our hearts with false images of superficial contentment in the Rwandan people. We want to see the pain and the suffering, we want to see the emptiness and the pain that the genocide brought.
We hope that we will take your prayers with us and hope God will hear you and remind us of each person praying for us so that we can also pray for you.

Shots, shots and more shots

2008-01-29T21:49:00.000-06:00

I am tired this week. We have began making plans for our first trip to Uganda and Rwanda. We are certainly excited but to say the least overwhelmed. This week started the shots. Shots, shots and more shots. To say the least, Grace is reconsidering her excitement about traveling to Africa. Madelyn could get hit by a truck and brush it off but Grace; Imagine a very large nurse with a needle in one hand and a determined look on her face, wildly poking at a moving target that is Graces arm with my hand around it. The odds of the needle going into her arm rather than my hand is not 1:1. My hand is in serious danger and I just had the same immunization and I certainly don't want it again, in the back of my hand. We made it. She is now immune to Meningococci. Near fatal death if caught by a teenager but fatal if caught by an 8 year old. The argument, It will be good for you in the long run did not help matters.
I have been continuing my class on the Prison Epistles online at Harding. I absolutely love it. I was sitting on a plane coming back from San Diego after a weekend plagued by delayed and canceled flights, and I realized that I had actually been reading my bible and my text for about 10 hours. I found joy in this. I do not boast because I have to say most of the time was re-reading what some British commentator had to say about Philippians. He doesn't write the way I talk. I can understand why some people get so excited about the depth of this kind of study. I can tell that I already have more confidence and ability to speak God's word (not really very good at it). I find that filling a half hour at bible study is easier. Part of this is that over the last 3 months I have continually prayed for God to give me a greater gift for speaking his word out loud to others. I'm not a great speaker nor a great student of the word but God has energized me through the deep meaning of his word. The pace at which one is expected to read the textbooks and write papers is nearly overwhelming. I certainly need prayers for this. Oddly enough I have been fasting directly for this issue and even my patients ask nearly every day if I have lost wt. Don't know how you can tell in a man who was already at 136.
Our prayer requests are for our trip to Africa. We want to be an encouragement for the Cashes. We ask that we will not be a burden on the Cashes. We ask for a safe flight. We pray that God will connect us to the other missionaries in Rwanda the way he has to the Koonces and the Crowsons.
We ask for prayer for fund raising. We pray for people and churches who can first pray for us and then pray for their giving. We ask God to provide for us in a stable way during our commitment. We pray that God will move churches and people in the year to come and prepare them financially for this giving. We have been in contact with multiple churches and ask that the Holy Spirit will weave our path in with theirs.
We continue to ask for prayers for our families as they are still trying to grasp this entire issue. They are praying and being faithful to this commitment of prayer.

I continually pray for all of you who have prayed for us.
God bless.

Climbing Water Towers

2008-01-21T20:56:00.000-06:00

God has been showing me for months just exactly how he wants me to see him and how he wants me to trust in him and rely upon him for my future.

I missed this lesson for months but as I was relating a story about my son Samuel I realized that God had been speaking to me for a long time about what I would say is our future in Rwanda.

For over a year Samuel has been conjuring up ideas in his head of what he wanted to be when he was big. He first followed the same path as many boys his age and said he wanted to be a cowboy. He then graduated to being a cowboy and living on a farm with a big RV that he and daddy lived in. He wanted me to work on the farm with him when he was older. I could think of nothing more wonderful than living with my son on a farm. After a couple of months he changed his plans and decided that he wanted to be a water tower painter. He and I were to climb the towers and paint them when towns called us. We spent months listening to the loud cries of a 4 year old in the back seat each time we passed a water tower, "Daddy, we're going to paint that water tower, you and me!" Then it was on to moving to Hershey Pennsylvania, where I did my medical training, to work in the chocolate factory. He and I are going to make Hershey Kisses and candy bars.

In each plan, he has one recurring theme. It will be he and I. (english majors keep silent about that last statement) He has no concept of a future without me right there with him, helping him do whatever hard work there is to do. He is not even afraid of climbing water towers as long as I am there with him. WOW! What a picture of God.

Deuteronomy 31:6
So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

Romans 8:31
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

I can go on and on. But my point is that just like Samuel, I know if my Father goes ahead of me and is there when I get there, I will not fail. I will be able to climb water towers. And they will be beautiful towers when we are done.

Prayers

2008-01-17T21:18:00.000-06:00

Over the last number of weeks we have visited congregations we have never been to before, spoken with people we have never met and worshiped with strangers. We had people coming up to us by the end of the worship and telling us that they were praying for us and would continue to do so.

In addition, I am taking an online class and have mentioned on that website that my family and I are going to be moving to Africa and the number of people who have emailed me and told me they were praying for me was 100% of the members of my class.

These and the number of our dear friends and beloved family that continually encourage us in prayer are staggering and quite humbling.

I am truly humbled by Gods spirit in these great worriers. I have always read and been aware of the "body" analogy that Paul uses to describe the church. I don't know why I am always amazed when someone says that they are praying for me since they are the body and image of Christ. In Ephesians 1 Paul states "22And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, 23which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way." Paul is saying that the body, the church is the fullness of Christ. It is to be and represent all that Christ is in all his attributes. Christ always prayed. He always took his fears and the needs of others to the father. I thank all of you who go before our great Father to pray and fast for me and my family, for being the essence and fullness of Christ. We cherish your prayers. Keep them coming. They are working.

We also want each of you to know that we have prayed your name to God so that your strenght and endurance will continue.

The Roller Coaster Ride

2008-01-09T15:31:00.000-06:00

This has been quite a month. Over the last month, Kristin and I have been asking God to show us his will for our lives. We have had an emotional roller coaster and in the end, as most roller coasters do, we glided to a smooth steady halt. But unlike the roller coaster analogy, the ride is far from over. We have been praying and fasting over the month of December in order to see more clearly what the Holy Spirit has planned for us.

Not many people currently read this blog and I feel I know the names of most who do so I hope I can safely write the things that need to be said. I ask that unless previously stated, the contents of this blog will remain only in the hearts of those invited to read. A time is quickly coming when all will know what God has planned for us but today is not that day.

Over 10 years ago, God began to speak to Kristin and me about his plan for our lives. We began to feel a burden to become missionaries. As I am accustomed to doing, I took it upon myself to "figure out how this would look in the future" and after visiting the Predisan clinic in Honduras back in 2001 I was convinced that God wanted us to do full time medical missions in that region. We spent many years waiting for God to bring about the right time for this transition but he just kept saying, "No, this is not the time".

After moving to Tyler, Texas we settled into a life that was pleasant and plentiful and enjoyed this for years. The burden of our student loans and the need to begin a journey towards becoming debt free began to weigh us down. Now looking back this journey has been intermingled with the journey to fulfill our first desire. To become more for God. We had no idea that both would come at us in such amazing, but painful ways.

When we sold our house in 2005 we were just numb from the experience. We new we could afford it, we knew it was a good size for our family but it was just painful to us to be bogged down with that much debt. We began seeking God's help with our debt and after taking Crown Ministries debt class we felt that we could do more and that God had a purpose for this pain.

We spent and amazing weekend last month with Marty and Louise Koonce and after spending hours with them we have realized that God was calling us to the mission field very soon. But, we could not understand why he was not calling us to Honduras. In addition to this, we had become comfortable with where we were at and have become "emotionally attached to our future". After a month of praying and fasting we were blessed with the chance to meet Murphy and Christine Crowson while they were on furlough in Ft. Worth. We fell in love with them immediately, just as I had experienced with the Koonces. We just felt that God had pulled us together do something greater than we could have imagined for ourselves. We discovered that they and their parents had been praying for more teammates that were skilled and wired in a way that complimented their skills and personalities.

Now we look back over the last 10 years and realize that God has been calling and preparing us for this very task at every turn.

Kristin and I are giving up our emotional attachment to our future, this is painful, and we are taking our family to Rwanda in 2009 and we will accept both the difficulties and the great joy God has planned for us and our family among a people who are so spiritually scarred and lost.

We ask for the prayers of everyone. This blog is open to all who will support us and as of today it will become a place to read about our journey to Rwanda.

Untouchables

2007-12-27T20:41:00.001-06:00

I have to give some credit for these thoughts to Tad Tolleson. His class discussion a couple of weeks ago on Jesus and his interaction with Bartimaeus. This particular class made me more aware of the true nature of Jesus. As Kristin and I sat in class and listened we each (confiding in each other later) spent much of the time going over in our heads the names of the “untouchable” people we experience each week. People like Shadow, Cherilyn, Victor and Sheri, Carl, Harold and the guy that lives down the road from our house in the empty lot next to the loop. These are the exact people God continually uses to teach us about himself.

There are many instances in the bible where Jesus and later after much pain, the apostles stop to touch such people that society deems untouchable.

In the story of the blind beggar, Bartimaeus sat on the side of the road and when he heard that Jesus was near began to shout "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!" Those around him began to ridicule him and rebuke him but he called out only louder. Jesus brought him near and asked what I would consider a “duh” question, What do you want me to do for you? “I want to see” was the reply. Jesus gave the man his sight and restored more than his vision but restored his value.

One of my favorite stories about an blatantly untouchable woman (probably Mary) occurred in the home of Simon the Pharisee. Jesus was asked to lunch one day by Simon and during the meal a “sinful woman” came in and started cleaning and kissing Jesus’ feet. Now, as Ortberg puts it in his book, the word sinner in this context makes no pretenses. She is a prostitute! The fact that she is in the home of a pharisee is almost makes the story unbelievable. So Simon uses this woman to point out that Jesus could not be a prophet or he would know that this woman was a sinner and certainly would not allow himself to be touched by her. I love Jesus’ reply: You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." She dared to come to the teacher and actually make him unclean according to the Law. Yet as a reward for her boldness, she was given eternal life. Simon had no idea what he had lost.

Again, Jesus in the presence of important, rich and influential men brought value to a woman who is likely considered one of the most untouchable and unclean creatures on earth. I would guess that some pharisees would eat a vulture before being seen sitting at a table with this woman. The pharisees had saw themselves as valuable and irreproachable and were proud of their stature. They truly expected the Son of God to come down from heaven and give them praise and honor for their perfect attentiveness to the law. He would make them the rightful leaders of God’s kingdom on earth.

I am guilty of such thoughts. I have found myself denying love and comfort to those in need. I am like Peter, I needed more than one vision to convince me that it is okay to love and commune with “untouchables”. How could I be so foolish. Now that God has opened my eyes to these wonderful people in need, I can never go back.

Jesus came to give value. He came to touch. I ask the Lord Jesus to live in me and give me a spirit of compassion and the desire to touch those who are untouchable. I hope that everyone will find a way to notice and touch these people this year. Find a way to feed a man who missed his last meal, or two. Find a way to keep a man warm on a rainy winter night. Find a way to hug a woman who gives sex for a warm coat, then gives the coat away for food or drugs.

My guilt comes not from these challenges but the challenge of giving help and compassion to a patient who wakes me up in the middle of the night to ask me about a problem outside of my specialty or about something my nurse could have done in the morning. Or how to love a man whose life I have saved 6 times this past year and will do so at least this many more times this year, despite his lack of love for himself or me.

God give me a compassionate touch, a heart of Christ and words that give value to untouchables. Help me not to put boundaries on my love. Amen.

Impress them on your children

2007-12-17T21:24:00.001-06:00

I have entered into a new phase. In my family, it is a right of passage to ride to school in daddy’s truck. I after 4 years, I know take three kids to school in the morning. I truly love it. One of the great things about this time is the singing. It would be truly appalling to anyone listening but I know to my ears and I hope to God’s ears it is a sweet melody.

My favorite music is contemporary Christian music. I have loved to listen to this genre since I broke away from Sting and the Doors in medical school. The Doors and I did some things that were not so “right” in those days and I have sworn off such things and unfortunately, also the Doors. This likely makes many of you cringe.

I have had a number of people mock me for the music I listen to and some were very close to me. I sat in a room with two people whom I truly respect and listened to them bash the music and those who listen to it. I know they were not aware of my thoughts and feelings about Christian music but it hurt really badly. I sat there and listened but did not respond. I asked myself, why do I listen to Christian music and why do I fill my house and my work with this melody. Then one day, when Samuel and I were riding in my truck he just blurted out, “Daddy, can we sing Oh no you never let go”. I thought, what, how does he know that”. If you don’t know the song it is by Matt Redman and the words are like this:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

I decided then just why I listen to this music. It truly fills my heart and my family with the spirit of God. I realize that the theology of each song may not be accurate and some people may not “need” this music or may be “beyond” it but if you know anything about education or the process of learning, you know that music is a powerful mechanism for laying down memory and at this age, it can actually be associated with laying down personality.

Samuel is now riding to school with us in the truck and has taken up the job of saying each morning, “can we listen to the radio” or “can we sing”.

Well this week, on Sunday night while waiting in the van, my sweet Aaron blurted out of the blue, “Daddy, can we do dat never wet go”. My heart broke. Aaron was receiving just words on the radio but he also sees the excitement it brings between my other children and myself and the connection we have when we sing together at the top of our voices and he will soon realize that we don’t sing the songs just for entertainment but we believe the words we sing and we believe in their promises.

Deuteronomy 6:4-7 states Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. ⁵ Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. ⁶ These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. ⁷ Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

Now I know verse 7 relates specifically to the words in verse 4-5 but the words in 4-5, to me, mean make the Lord your God. Love him, serve him, and write this commitment on the hearts of your children so they will know who you are and who you stand for. I will commit the remainder of my life writing this on the hearts of my children and all those I encounter. I will never apologize for this and I will rejoice in the mocking I receive because of it.

God bless Aaron.

The Enemy and The Fiery Chariots

2007-12-15T21:12:00.000-06:00

Over the last two weeks my house has been in a state of disarray and both Kristin and I have been brought to the limits of our human strength.

Two weeks ago, Samuel and Aaron came down with fever simultaneously and became progressively worse. Samuel had a fever for over a week. Neither of them slept, they tormented each other. Once they were asleep, one would cough and wake the other one up and then they would both begin to cry and cough and then the vomiting would begin. We did not sleep for a week. It tuned out they both had Mono. When it was nearly over Madelyn came down with a fever within 2 days. She followed the same pattern of fever that lasted a week. She too had Mono. One added little bonus was she began to have swelling of her joints and a rash located over her joints. I was confident that she had Juvenile Arthritis. Just what we needed. Of course it is the month of Christmas and the expectations of family and other aquaintances are mounting. Lets just say, the voice of God became muffled as the shrieking of the enemy became louder and louder. I can also say that many other attacks on our health, spirit and minds have been launched in an attempt to separate us from communion with God.

Kristin and I set the month of December to continually pray and set aside time to fast so that we could discern the will of God for our family.

Now, again I am no theologian, but it is my understanding that Satan is not omnipresent since he "roams to and fro throughout the earth" Job 1:7. He is not omniscient: The presumption here is that he is an angel and in 1Peter 1:11-12 says that angels do not know everything. In spite of all this evidence that Satan does not know what God has planned and supposedly every thought in our heads, he seems to have impeccable timing in his appearance in our lives. Just as Kristin and I have desired to focus our attention on God and his plan, the enemy attacks us harder than I have felt in many years. By the end of this second week of December, Kristin and I have begun to fail in our attempts to pray together about our future. We have separately found ourselves becoming more fearful of any sudden changes in our lives.

I have searched for God today. Psalms 9:10 says "Those who know your name trust in you, for you, LORD, have never forsaken those who seek you", and Proverbs 8:17 says "I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me. I have called out the name of Jesus against the demon of sickness, anger, sarcasm, greed, selfishness and pride. He has delivered me from evil. He has bestowed his amazing grace upon me and as he promises to do. He cleanses me. We have submitted our selves to God and against this the enemy cannot stand. James 4:7-8 Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

I pray and ask all who read this, to pray for his spirit of discernment and his spirit of peace and the fruit of self control in my household. Pray that legions of angels would be surrounding our house just as they were present when Elisha opened the eyes of his servant. When I lift up my eyes to God and say, just as Elisha's servant, "Oh no, what shall we do", I pray that I will receive the same vision as that in 2Kings 6.

"Oh no, my lord! What shall we do?" the servant asked.

¹⁶ "Don't be afraid," the prophet answered. "Those who are with us are more than those who are with them."

¹⁷ And Elisha prayed, "Open his eyes, LORD, so that he may see." Then the LORD opened the servant's eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.

Yes, I do believe in fiery chariots.

God, I ask in the name of your holy son, Jesus, that you will bind and cast out of my home and heart the enemy that is Satan and his army of demons. I bind them in His name, the only name that saves. Praise be the name of the Lord. Make it so Lord.

Prayer of Thanks

2007-12-12T22:28:00.001-06:00

I often find it hard to share the things of my heart with others. I was not raised this way. "Better to hold it in and just do your job". This was something I have heard in the past. My father did not teach me to share emotion and this certainly made for an interesting relationship with my wife after we were married. Our dating relationship was pretty good because I had not yet learned what Agape love meant. I was young and was still stuck in the world of selfish love. I had trouble expressing not only love but verbal encouragement. The point of this is to say that when my blog was private and no one new about it, I could write freely. When Kristin said she was going to share my blog address I was afraid because my blog stopped being a journal and became an open book.

After a couple of days of sharing with "the world" my thoughts and fears, I give praise to God for the people in my life because instead of ridicule and criticism I have had a wonderful outpouring of support and love. I know why God asks us to place our burdens on Him. It is so that he can make our hearts lighter. I have felt just that through the prayers and the subsequent emails of such great people over the last week. I have lifted you up in prayer to the Lord and asked Him to continue to bless each one of you. It is so comforting to know that when you tell people you love about something so great, they take you seriously. I can certainly say I have witnessed Agape love through your prayers.

I ask you to continue to remember Kristin in your prayers. As many know, last week both boys were sicker than we can ever remember. In the past we have had children in the hospital but I can say that I have never been more worried about them than last week. I even had our pediatrician come to our house at night, after he had seen them earlier that day. I told Kristin that my doctor radar was going off. Bad sign. I was asked by God to trust this man and I did. They have recovered quite well but it literally took a solid week of fever. Now, Madelyn is sick and has the same fever and cough. It has been over 2 weeks and we still have very sick kids in our house. Please pray for protection from illness for Grace and patience for Kristin. Praise the Lord for going to work every day, Ha, just kidding.

Lord, I pray for those who have lifted me and my family up to you. I have felt your presence this week and I know it is at the request of these great servants. I ask that you will give your Holy Spirit to each of them and use Him to continually weave each of them into your plan of salvation for all men.
Praise the Lord Jesus, Make it so Lord. Amen.

The Fleece

2007-12-10T21:25:00.000-06:00

I've mentioned before that I am not preacher and have no training in theology and so I apologize for any inaccurate interpretation of scripture.

I was doing my bible study this morning and was reading over a study written for me by a patient. I had asked him about his thoughts on the Holy Spirit and in his wisdom he gave me a study he had written. I was reading a group of old testament scripture tied together by the subject of the purpose of the Holy Spirit in the old testament. I came to this scripture for the pure academic study of the Holy Spirit but found more about the work of the Holy Spirit in my life over the last 5 years.

When you mention the name Gideon in the church, many will say, as I have, yeah, the guy with the fleece. After reading the story of Gideon in Judges 6 and 7 I see that Gideon is the unfolding story of the Robinsons.

In our search for God's will over the last month, we have often been heard saying "We want God to show us a wet fleece". At times this made me feel unfaithful. I want to recap the story of Gideon to illustrate what I'm getting at.

The people of Israel were living in caves because the Midianites had oppressed them and continually raided their crops and herds. Obviously in order to provide for their people the Isaelites were doing their work in hiding, as God finds Gideon doing in opening of the story. "Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites." The angel of the Lord said to him (paraphrased) "Get up warrior and deliver the people of the Lord from the enemy." The angel tells Gideon that the Lord will go ahead of him and strike down the multitudes of the enemy.

I have often thought that the fleece was Gideon's first request but in verse 17, 18 Gideon says "If now I have found favor in your eyes, give me a sign that it is really you talking to me. Please do not go away until I come back and bring my offering and set it before you." The angel of the Lord allows this and in the presence of Gideon, sets the thing on fire. On a rock. Rocks don't burn.

Now at this point, the people of Israel are assaulted by the Midianites, Amalekites and other eastern peoples and Gideon takes up his trumpet and calls all the people who will fight against the Midianites.

After seeing an angel of the Lord face to face, speaking directly to God and seeing the angel burn up the sacrifice right in front of his face he still asks the Lord for a sign, ie "THE FLEECE". Wow, is that me! I truly would have thought the Lord would smite him right out. He does not. He loves Israel so much that he is willing to show himself again and again so that this little man, of the "weakest tribe" is able to find the strength to do the impossible. He finds himself with a band of 300 men who then go behind the army of the Lord and slaughtered 135,000 men. I doubt if he ever asked for another fleece.

This is were I come in. Over the last 10 years, Kristin and I have had quiet prayers and requests for God to lead us where he wanted us to go. We have always felt that we were moving a direction that was both clear and foggy at the same time. Now that the time has come to heed his call we are asking for a wet fleece.

If I look back over the last years and ask God to show me how he has prepared me, she shows me a marriage to a woman who has a giant heart for God's work and his people. He shows me a move to a city to take a job that we were unsure of to start with but has turned into a blessing beyond our imagination. It allows us to pay off our debt in 5 year rather than 10-15 as is the length of most medical student loans. He shows me a change in heart that brings us to realize that our debt is a weight around our necks and around his spirit in our lives. He shows me again a wife who at my request, moves out of a house that was certainly not more than we could afford but one that after looking back was in His way. It's sale literally cut 5 years off our loans.

I can go on and on but the point is, he has shown me that he has a plan for us and despite our fears of inadequacy he goes ahead of us and makes the enemy afraid. He takes a man who is hiding in job, slowly and cautiously doing his work. He says to him, get up and go. I say, I'm afraid. I'm inadequate, come from a small clan with little to no heritage and I am not able to do any more than I am doing right here, right now. My comfort and strength is in my medical education. Is it not enough that I have loved these. He said NO. He sent me a word, a prophet of sort, who said, "I am no more than you but God has made of me what he wants." All the arguments and struggles in my heart fade away at his tender calling.

I have no answer left except, Here I am Lord, send me.

I pray Lord that you will give comfort and direction where it is needed. Remind us daily of your great works and our security in you. For Kristin and I, I pray for two hearts that walks as one.

Praise God.

AGAPE

2007-12-09T20:46:00.000-06:00

I'm no theologian and certainly am no Greek scholar yet I live in a world that is clearly both self oriented and self destructive. I am not naive to believe this has only been the case in my lifetime yet, in my interaction with other in my job, both patients and colleagues, I believe I am seeing it more and more each passing year.

Eros or erotic themes are an important part of Greek literature from at least 600 B.C. till as late as 400 A.D. They appear in myths, lyric poetry, epic, tragedy, comedy, epigrams, philosophical debates, biography, and literary discussions. Often related specifically to male-male relationships in the oldest Greek literature but the point of the term was self indulgence or love for the sake of ones self. In our society today I believe it is this definition of love that most of society uses, even at the wedding alter. If you "Google" the Greek word Eros, you get over 4 million hits. If you actually "Google" the work erotic you get over 7 million hits (don't do this at work unless you want the IT police to come looking for you) but when you "Google" the word Agape you get 500,000 hits and 250,000 hits for "unconditional love". A large number but only an eighth or less than Eros, not to mention erotic.

The word Agape means so much more than unconditional love. In our society it is hard to define unconditional because so much is relative. It is servitude or sacrificial love.

The word agape was rarely used in literature, especially not as a central theme until after the coming of Christ. Duh!! In a profound moment, I realized that God sent his son into the world to redefine love, literally. He wanted us to stop loving for the sake of ourselves and start loving for the sake of others. The bible does not always state this so matter of fact in every verse but the theme of the new testament is agape love, grace, service by a man who for no other reason but love.

Mark 10:45 states, For even the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.

This was profound to the Jewish community who had no idea that the intent of there messiah was to come and serve. He was simply to deliver them and put them in charge of everything.

In Mark 12:30, 31 Jesus restates two old testament commands that he labels central to all scripture. In this he is clearly turning around what the world has been practicing.

He restates what is written in Deuteronomy and Leviticus: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength'. The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself'.

Imagine, in this world today (including myself) if we could actually love others equal to ourselves. Wow, what a new world we would live in.

I am a wretched man. How have I let the cold stay cold, the hungry stay hungry and the poor stay poor.

I pray that the Lord God will not only forgive me but fill my heart with his Holy Spirit and make me clean and full of grace. I desire a grace that is exploding out of my heart and out of my mouth. Lord, please forgive me of being blind to the outcasts of the world. Open my eyes to the people who walk through the night to stay warm, those who eat what I throw away and those who have no family during this holiday season.

God bless Roscoe, Pam, Derick, Cheralyn, and Carl. We love them all so much. They have suffered much and will find much reward. May we all be so fortunate to have the reward that God has in store for them.

Please pray for Pam and Derick as they have made some difficult and probably poor decisions the last couple months and will have to overcome the consequences but I know through prayer, God will continue to hold them close and keep the enemy from the final victory.

Fasting: American Style

2007-12-07T21:31:00.000-06:00

This is the month that Kristin and I have set apart for praying and fasting about the great issues God has put on our hearts. Praying, sure I always do that but I have never fasted for a "soul concern". In modern day "church" we are not accustomed to fasting.

So I set out last night to begin my 24 hours of fast. Now, in Ethiopia, going without food for 24 hours would just be a part of life. But here in America (remember, I'm a metabolism specialist) it is more like a major event. In the most extreme cases people are starving but in the world that I am a part of, dropping 1000 calories is considered fasting. In my daily life I not only have to cut out three meals in order to fast but have to give up at least half a dozen snack times. I probably gave up 2200 calories and that is on the bottom end of the spectrum.

As I awoke, I was aware that I had not eaten dinner the night before but was fine. By 9 am, I was hungry. By 11:00 I was tired and hungry. By 2pm I had missed dinner the night before, breakfast and lunch today. I was beginning to get a headache and cranky. By 3pm I was not sure if I could keep the frustration hidden that I was feeling about having to keep seeing patients. I arrived home about 430 pm, had a terrible headache and just could not keep my hands from shaking. Again, I was not in the best mood and Kristin was clearly in the same mood as I. She had clearly been suffering today.

Through the day, I slowly began to think, "Why does God call us to fast". It is hard to say why this is the case for everyone but for me, I began to realize that he desired to show me what he wanted to be in my life. He wants to be my nourishment and my provider. He wants to go with us to the wilderness, provide for us and bring us out stronger. And when we come out and consume his greatness (as we consume food at the end of a fast) it is so sweet, so filling.

As I reflect on the time Jesus spent fasting (Matthew 4) in the wilderness, I think, WOW, he fasted for a month. I was in pain after a single day. Then I think of the temptations he was hit with at the end. At the end of 40 days, I would have given my left arm, maybe my right arm for a loaf of bread and all I had to do was turn a stone into bread. Why at the end of all this did Jesus have the strength to withstand this temptation. He had been in the wilderness with the Father and God had provided. In my fast I ask God to provide for me and my family this month as we seek to fulfill his will.

When I look at the way Jesus fasted I am drawn to Isaiah where the Lord's people are obviously proud of their fasting and God scolds them for their obvious lack of commitment in the task. He then instructs them as to the kind of fasting he intended for them.

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?

⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?

⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

⁹ Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,

¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.

¹¹ The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.

¹² Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

¹³ "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the LORD's holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,

¹⁴ then you will find your joy in the LORD,
and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."
For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

After reading this, I did not fast in a way God intended. I have been spoken to and will have to continue to seek God's instruction and work harder at using my suffering to lift up others.

We have sought the Lord today and he has found us. He desires this in from all of us:

Give so much of yourselves to others that you have to accept less in your own life.

In this, he will fulfill us and answer our prayers.

prayer requests:
Continue to pray for Cashes in Uganda and those affected by the Ebola virus
Continue to pray for the Koonces and their final push to move on from God's work in Togo and transition to Rwanda
Kristin and I are planning a trip to Uganda to visit the Cashes and to see Rwanda to prepare our hearts for support of the Koonces. I have fear of leaving work for so long and losing so much revenue that it is hard to give in to this need.
Pray for my family to continue to boldly seek God's instruction and direction for us and to not only hear the words he has for us but the intent. In the old testament God continually scolds the Israelites for their intense application of the law without actually seeing his real intended blessing for them.

2007-12-06T11:39:00.000-06:00

I find it amazing how anxious God is to hear us and waiting to act on our behalf, sometimes even when our mouths are tightly shut and only our hearts cry out.

Today at work I saw a "regular patient" of mine who I have only seldom discussed issues of faith but today for some reason she happend to tell me the story of how she sold her house. Sounds like a basic hit the highlight conversation but in this situation she proceeded to give me a testimonial about how she has been struggling with having it on the market since the housing market has been so bad. She was feeling selfish to pray for herself and to be so bold as to ask God for the exact asking price. She has always found joy in praying for others but on this day she felt God told her that he had been faithful to her prayers for others but now he wanted to hear the prayers of her heart. She immediately gave up prayers for herself and found God anxious to answer.

There are many verses in the bible that speak to how we should pray and why we should pray but Hebrews 4:16 is one that has spoken to me today.

Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

He truly does ache to hear our prayers and he is anxious to move on our behalf.

Take delight in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4.

I have been so afraid lately to seek him for myself that I have not given him the chance to be the God he promises to be.

O Lord forgive me for lacking the boldness to ask you, the creator of the sun, moon and stars for the desires of my heart.

A Whole New Life

2007-12-05T22:36:00.000-06:00

What, are we crazy?

This is my first blog entry ever. Be patient.

I am a doctor and I practice endocrinology (don't ask). Actually this is the study and practice of glandular disease such as diabetes, thyroid, adrenal gland disease, pituitary disease and other metabolic disorders.

My family and I are committed to the service of God and continually seek his guidance in our lives. We continually seek God in our decisions and I have always felt weak in my faith but constantly seek God to fill me with strength and the will power to minister to others. My "pulpit" is my office and I continually seek opportunities to pray with and encourage my patients. I have to honestly say that I feel inadequate in my healing of the body but God has often helped me to minister to the spirit of people and this often leads me to the knowledge I need to diagnose and heal their bodies. I have a deep desire to give to others and feel God has given me my job in order to provide financially for others more than to heal. I hope that those who read this will understand how important I believe in ministering to the poor, weak and hungry and realize that I can never be comfortable in a world of wealth and indulgence.

I have recently read a study book on grace by John Ortberg. In this book, the author paints of picture of God's grace through the 23rd Psalm. In my study I was lead to Psalm 51, categorized as one of the penitential psalms or psalm of confession that follows David's own realization of his sin against his nation and his God.

¹ Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.

² Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

³ For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

⁴ Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.

⁵ Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

⁶ Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

⁷ Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

⁸ Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

⁹ Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

¹³ Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you.

¹⁴ Deliver me from bloodguilt, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

¹⁵ Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

¹⁶ You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

¹⁷ My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

¹⁸ May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.

¹⁹ Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

I have always sang this psalm as a song around the fire at camp or in devotional or in chapel while in college. I regret that I never looked it up but rather just sang the words passively and never realized why I wanted God to "create in me a clean heart" and why the restoration of his joy in my heart was so important. He hates sin but he knows that I am a sinner and that will not change until the day he takes me home. Yet he loves me and renews a right spirit in me so that I may turn sinners to Him. I have always felt that I was not good enough to minister to others because of my sin and I have compensated by making the one gift I thought I had, money, into a sacrifice and lost sight of the mercy and grace he had in store for others.

From this I realize that the gift that I always thought was my greatest has become a point of pride and I had forgotten to give of my heart and offer up to God prayers for growth of other gifts within me. Although it is my responsibility to give financially to those in need, the Lord God does not need my money (my self proclaimed sacrifice) but rather the desires a broken spirit and contrite heart. Only then will he accept my gifts of food, rent, car payments, and so many other money oriented gifts to those around me.

My wife and I have been aching with a decision that we earnestly believe God is putting on our hearts. We have committed ourselves to fasting a praying for his voice in our lives over the next couple weeks. We desire prayers of our closest friends and family.

Pray requests:
Prayers for clarity and discernment of God's voice (more details to come later).
Prayer for the Cash family who are currently suffering pain and heartbreak in light of the recent Ebola outbreak in Uganda. It has touched their family so closely through the near destruction of one of God's ministries in Uganda.
Prayers for the Koonce family, another African missionary family planning to transition from Togo to Rwanda. They are on furlough and will be leaving soon to return to Togo.

God Bless my wonderful wife and family who has continually supported me in my desire to change all that we know. She is truly of God.