Home Alone!

Well, I find myself home alone on this New Year's Eve.  This is my year to be on call.  I cannot complain much as I have not been on call for New Year's for many years as I have often had the privilege to attend the Cotton Bowl many times in the last 5 years.  Yes, sometimes I have volunteered to work on Thanksgiving or Christmas just to be off on New Year's day.  In case you're wondering about my preference towards Bowl Games over Christmas, please see my previous post.  (for the record, I do love Christmas more than Bowl Games).  

As I sit here and attempt to watch the mini-series John Adams I find myself meditating on the joy of the last year and day dreaming about the joy of the year to come. 

I think of my dear children and the changes that have come to our family this year.   First and foremost we have no more diapers in our home.  There is almost no more joy for a parent of 4 children, who at one time, I think, had three children in diapers at one point.  

I think of my wonderful wife who so bravely stood by me in our decision and many times stood between me and certain death as we made our decision known to others.

I think of my son Samuel who still thinks he wants to paint water towers for a living.  I think that is awesome!

I think of Aaron who at his most intimate moment can still only say, "I wike you daddy".  He has no comforting or compassionate bone in his body so I cherish the word "wike" as I suspect it really means "love".  He has become our Big A.  That is what our family calls him.  Sometimes we refer to him as A.O.    He can spell his name but when he writes it he only writes AO.  

I think of Grace who has become the best swimmer.  Swimming was a passion of mine as a young teenager and even without my prodding she has come to love it.  She brings me such joy.  Of all our children she is most like me.  I ache to know the great Godly woman she is to become!

I think of Madelyn.  She has a 100% in spelling and I am not sure she has missed a spelling word in years.  She is independent.  She is the most capable and responsible 7 year old I have ever seen.  So much so I must constantly remind myself that she is also one of the most cunning.  She is the only child of mine that I cannot tell when she lies.  She is my challenge and that is also joy.

 I think of the day at the end of last year that I sat in a room alone with Marty Koonce and prayed that God would make his will for me and my family known.  I think of the day we sat in our home with the Koonces and gave our fears and anxiousness over to the Lord.  

I think of the night that Glenwood said they would stand behind us and provide for the needs of our family and support the work of God in Rwanda!!!

I think of Rt 230 Church of Christ who has surrounded us with prayer and said they will help us get to Rwanda.

I look forward to being able to give glory to God for that one last partner that will come to our aid and provide our ongoing work fund.  I look forward to being able to share that joy with all of you this year!

I look forward to arriving in Rwanda and joining a team of families that I already love so much.  I find joy in knowing that I will learn to speak the word of God in another language.  That I will see the hand of God change the hearts and lives of countless men, women and families.   I look forward to learning a new and exciting way of life. Learning to live life at a completely new pace.  I look forward in seeing how God will use this new life to change and mature the spirits of my already wonderful children.

I look forward to being in Rwanda on January 1, 2009 and being able to look back at all the ways God has provided for my family and the people of His church.

Bless all of you and know that I pray for you.

Bowls: Better than Christmas?

We have been in continuous prayer for our teammates in Togo.  The Koonces and Crowsons have left Togo for the last time and will be arriving in Rwanda shortly.  I lift them up to you to ask that you pray for them.

Here in Tyler, we are continuing to undergo even more changes and final chapters.  We have been blessed by family and friends this holiday season.  We realize that each holiday that passes will be the last celebrated with this family for the next 2 years.  We were blessed by the fellowship of family at Thanksgiving and had a wonderful office party for Christmas and anxiously look forward to Christmas with family.  

I know it seems trivial but one other "last" that is approaching is Bowl season.  We love college football in our home.  We love to watch the Sooners and the Penn State Nittany Lions.  We are going to miss Bowl season.  I love the controversy that surrounds the BCS.  Arguing about the rankings is half the fun.  Well this year it was made even worse.  I have always sat back in my chair and watched the big bowls and wondered what it would be like to be there.  Well, I have a patient that starts on the defense of the Utah Utes.  For those who don't know, they are considered "the BSC busters" again.  They will be playing the previously #1 team in the nation, Alabama in the Sugar Bowl.  The family of my patient called today and offered me two free tickets to the Sugar Bowl in the family section of the stadium.  

I was in pain.  I had to say no.  I wanted to go so bad but at this time in our life we are not equipped to make such a trip.  In a joking, sort of way, I am figuring out what Jesus was asking when he asked us to give up our lives for him.  

Sounds silly but stuff like this is a major part of our lives now.  Satan seems to be placing the world at our feet over the last year.  He has shown us many great things and I feel that we have been shown these things to make us want more and to make us more aware of what we won't have when we get to Rwanda.

Satan temped Jesus with splendor in Luke 4:

The devil led him up to a high place and showed him in an instant all the kingdoms of the world. 6And he said to him, "I will give you all their authority and splendor, for it has been given to me, and I can give it to anyone I want to. 7So if you worship me, it will all be yours."

 8Jesus answered, "It is written: Worship the Lord your God and serve him only."

I love what God has done for us and we again recommit our lives to him and freely give up all things to serve him only.

Please continue to pray for our family.  Pray that we will continue to have courage and not be blind to the things Satan is throwing at us to distract us from God's will.

And lasty;  BOOMER SOONERS!!!

Current Needs

   ·      Kids clothes

o   Girls (all clothes should be knee length or longer)

§  Dresses/skirts with adjustable waist band , if possible in sizes 8,10,12

§  Jeans with adjustable waist band, if possible, in sizes 8,10,12

§  Very modest blouses 8,10,12

§  Shirts (three quarter sleeve, longs sleeve, short sleeves)

§  Underwear 8,10,12

§  Socks white and dress

§  Shoes sizes 12,1,2,3,4

·      Dress

·      Tennis shoes

·      Sandals

§  Hair clips/bows

§  Light dress sweaters  sizes 8,10, 12

§  Rain coats/windbreakers

§  Pajamas sizes 8,10,12

 

o   Boys

§  Jeans size 5,6,7 (slim or adjustable weight)

§  Dockers type pants blue and khaki colored size 5,6,7,8 (slim or adjustable weight)

§  short sleeve and long sleeve dress shirts 5,6,7,8

§  short and long sleeve t-shirts 5,6,7,8

§  shoes toddler sizes 8,9,10,11,12 and boys sizes 1,2

·      dress sandals

·      dress shoes

·      tennis shoes

·      boots

§  socks

§  underwear sizes 5,6,7,8

§  light jackets sizes 5,6,7,8

·          DVDs

o   Family friendly movies

·          Music

o   Any music

§  Oldies

§  Contemporary Christian

§  Pre 90s rock

o   Sheet music for

§  piano

§  simple music for guitar

§  clarinet

§  simple music for violin

·           Books

o   Educational

o   Bible study

o   Leisure

§  Historical fiction

§  fiction

o   Children’s books

§  Educational

·      Biographies for young readers

·      Books for 5-7 year old boys

·      Books for girls age 8-12

·            Hygiene items

o   Tooth brushes

o   Tooth paste

o   Deodorant soap

o   Dove green

o   Razors

§  schick twin (green or blue)

§  Venus breeze cartridges

o   Shaving cream

o   Shampoo and conditioner for kids and adults

o    

·           Food Items  (these items need to be collected and packed in our container the first week of June 2009)

o    Holiday treats and items

o   Canned tomato paste

o   Rotel

o   Mac and cheese (dry cheese, no liquid cheese packs)

o   Peanut butter

o   Bulk size spices

o   Chips of all flavors

o   Dr. Pepper (no diet)

o   Candy bars of all kind

o   Dry food packets

§  Pasta sauces

§  Noodle packets

§  Mexican seasoning packs

§  Chili seasoning packs

 

·      Financial needs that we are praying for individuals or groups to donate

o   Container shipping costs $17,000

o   Container import tax in Rwanda $4000

o   Vehicle in Rwanda $32,000

o   Vehicle inport tax $10,000

o   Visas $400 per person

o   One year of school in Kigali Christian School $9600

o   Plane tickets for final travel to Rwanda $12,000

o   Generator $1300

o   Extras:

§  Solar panels for our home (plenty of power outages in Ruhengeri) $3200

Thanksgiving

Well, another "last" has come and gone.  It kind of felt that way even though it was not a true last but with the passing of this Thanksgiving we did realize we would not be with family next Thanksgiving.  It did have some emotion associated with it but I want to give credit to Kristin's family and say that rather than dwelling on this fact or complaining about it they were encouraging, peaceful and understanding.  I am thankful that they have realized the necessity of this mission.  I give thanks to the Lord for the Ford family and their continued love and prayers.

I did spend some time in reflection about the Thanksgiving to come.  We will find ourselves in the capital of Rwanda.  We will find ourselves with new family and I think we are both excited about the new relationships we will continue to build and nurture.  I am excited that we will be with the Koonce and Crowson families.  We look forward to sharing our hearts with them and we look forward to growing under God's guidance and nurturing.

Our planning has continued to vamp up a little as we winter arrives.  It has forced us to begin sorting out clothing for our children.  We have began the difficult task of planning for our children's clothing needs for the next 2 years.  They will no longer need winter clothes or hot summer clothing.  They will need two years of spring and fall clothing.  The weather in Rwanda is around 75-80 degrees all the time.  We realized that we are sorting their winter clothes for the last time and have already packed most of the summer clothing to give away.  

Each of these "lasts" continues to bring us closer to the reality of God's plan.  We are excited to begin this segment of our journey but we are also stressed by it.  Kristin and I have different ideas of what must be done first and what is the most important and as all married couples do, we take that out on each other.   Fortunately we have the love that God has granted us and we have a unified heart about this mission and God renews us with peace each day.  We have continued to pray together about this trip and we again ask that each of you remember to lift up our family and the work that we are undertaking.

Prayer needs this month:

Two families in our team are moving to Rwanda in the next 2 weeks.  The Koonce family and the Crowson family have said their goodbyes in Togo and are leaving this week.  Please pray for them.

We pray for safe travel for our family during the holidays and I pray that my family in Missouri will be as supportive as Kristin's was.  This will be our last Christmas for 2 years.

We are praying for our fund raising.  I have been blessed by two great workers in this area.  My partner at work, Sylvia, has undertaken the task of being our liaison to the other doctors in the clinic and has begun raising money in this area.  She has done an amazing job and so I ask that you pray for her and those who are giving.

We still await word from Preston Road church of Christ who is still considering a mission team to support.  We were told they would meet this month. 

We need prayers for planning.  We have many lists and they grow by the day.  Pray that we will not take the stress of this out on each other.

We do have continued financial needs and because our teammates are in the process of moving, our web site has not been updated to include our current needs list.  I will post that on this blog for now.

Thank you all for your prayers.  We are humbled to hear over and over again people say, "We are praying for you".   We are strengthened and encouraged by your love and the fact that we are not alone in this journey.

Blessings to all and Happy Thanksgiving.  Praise and Honor to the God of all.

9...

It is hard to explain the emotions we are experiencing. It is so hard to believe that when we finally let ourselves see what God was planning for us that the joy and excitement would be surrounded by other strange and sometimes painful emotions.

 

We are at 9 months and counting down.  

 

Work was painful last week and I was hit hard with some surprising emotions. I expected to have emotions of various sorts when telling my patients goodbye and I have experienced those in the few patients with whom I have shared this journey. But, as I sat in the Trinity Clinic board meeting and voted on who I wanted to replace me I began to feel quite anxious and almost depressed. I knew months ago that the day would come for me to resign from the board but I did not expect it to "hurt". That same day the executive medical director (my boss and my great spiritual mentor) came to me and said that the clinic was going to reorganize its administrative structure and that since I was leaving they had chosen someone to replace me and that my job was being reallocated.  Again, I had already planned to resign that position at the first of the year but the reality of it was difficult.  It is harder to have something taken from you that it is to give it up freely.

 

If that's not all, during our "trunk or treat" at church I ran into the Ries family (missionaries to Togo for last 10 years) who were there visiting mutual friends. I asked the boys if they were having a good time and Tracy Ries said "they're handling it pretty well for their first Halloween".  For just a second I was frozen because in that same second I realized that this was likely my kids last Halloween and they didn't even know it.

 

After praying about these and many other sudden realizations I was reminded of Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

 

I know there is much that we will miss and many more that our children will miss and we are guilty of holding on to things and forgetting that we have been chosen this work and we (Kristin and I) believe with all our hearts that God has chosen this work for us and our family and we will do as he asks and we will seek to serve him whole heartedly without regret.

 

Paul in his letter to the Philippians recounts all the great things he has to boast about.  How great his education was, how great his "job" or position was and then says, "But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith."

 

Kristin and I feel blessed to have been called to Rwanda.  He has and will give us the strength that we need. We accept this without regret. Please continue to pray for us.

 

Brian

Fund Raising

Many of you have asked about our fund raising and other needs. We give great praise to God for his willingness and ability to provide.

We have been given our salary by our loving family at Glenwood and already know that with nothing else, we will serve in Rwanda.

 

We are still waiting to hear from individual donors and churches regarding our start-up fund. We need about $45,000-$50,000 for this and this amount includes our first year working fund. This fund will allow us to get to Rwanda and begin language training and allow us to begin being productive in the ministry set forth by our team arriving in Rwanda in Jan 2009.

 

This amount is larger than previously expected. After contacting the shipping company it appears that the global price of fuel has increased container shipping costs by almost 50%. We are hoping to find a single church family or a group of committed donors to join together and donate the 16,000 needed for our container shipping costs.

 

Beginning in 2010 we will need this fund to continue but it will be our work fund for the initiation of our ministry in Ruhengeri. We expect this amount to be around $35,000-$45,000 and continue as an ongoing expense.

 

We are praying for individual donors to begin giving regularly by January 2009 so that we can begin arranging for our container and small needs that are not in our large start up budget such as 220 volt transformers, immunizations, passports, etc.

 

We have moments were we are overwhelmed but as we see God lift up amazing people to come to our aid we consider ourselves loved and blessed.

 

Many of you have called or emailed to let us know that you are praying and supporting us. We pray for you constantly. Praise God for you and your faith.

Brian

Over Exposed

I was talking to a wonderful and precious friend from my past this week and the subject of blogging came up.  I mentioned that it was so hard to be a continuous blogger because you were never sure if your blog should be an "informative" tool or a diary.  If you have read mine you can see that it has been both.  I was thinking this week and writing in my diary (to masculinize it, Logbook) and I thought that I would share this thought and prayer request with you because I know that each of you has been faithful in praying for us and continually shows your faith in us by supporting us.

I have truly enjoyed the class and sermon series at church the last couple weeks.  The series on the parables of Jesus has continued to remind me of what Jesus was and is saying to us today.  

This weeks lesson was on Luke 16:19 and following.  The Rich Man and Lazarus.  

I love the book of Luke.  Besides the fact that it was written by a gentile, and a doctor at that, I love that Luke's focus is the gospel to the poor, the women and the gentiles.  All of which were despicable to the Jews.  I can almost see Luke sitting at his desk writing to this "Theophilus", also a gentile, almost saying to himself, "I cannot believe these Jews did not see this coming".  I cannot believe that they have turned their head in denial of not only Jesus the person but his teaching.  "My research is so conclusive, how can they not see it"?  (That's the doctor in him).

In Luke 16, after Lazarus and the rich man die the rich man is being tormented and asks "I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father's house... Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment."  This rich man knew Lazarus' name!  He was not a stranger.  The rich man walked by him every day and did not see him.  The poor were everywhere and I'm sure it made Jesus overwhelmed with frustration and sadness that the "Godly" people of that day did not even see them.

We have been having our Sunday night ministry at the Benevolence for over two years now and I confess that before we started this study the people who walked up and down the street with their old bike, shopping carts and 3 layers of clothes in the summer time (so no one will steal them) had no names to me and were invisible.  Now, I see them all.  I see them hiding in their little corners at the stores, malls, and the wooded clearings around town.  I praise God for opening my eyes.  I realize that I was not tuned in to God's view of the world.  Now I know their names.  (It is almost strange to hear your 5 year old, from the back seat of the van, say as we pass the corner at Brookshires, "Hey there's Mary".)  She's the one who hold the sign, will work for food.

My fear, and my point, is that I have been praying that God would not allow my eyes to be covered and my feelings to be callused when we move to Rwanda.  The fear of overexposure because of the mass of people in need is so great that I am afraid of becoming blind to God's plan for me and forgetting to see the forest because of the trees.

Please pray that not only me but Kristin and our children will see God's world through the eyes of Jesus and seek out every chance to serve.  I know it can and will be overwhelming at times but with the compassion and love of Christ we will prevail.  

Lord do not let any of your workers be blinded to the works you have prepared for us.

I want each of you to know that I lift up all those who pray for us and ask great blessings and peace on you.

10...

As a father of two little boys (who are awesome) it is common around our house to hear the Rocket Countdown.  You know, 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1...BLASTOFF!!!  With a 3 year old it is more like 10...9...8...2...1...BWAST OFF!!!

Well this is were we are at on our journey to Rwanda.  We are now at 10 months and counting down. As you can imagine this means many more long nights and unfortunately a few stress "discussions" between me and my dearest wife.  Yes, we are human and we admit it.

The past month has been so amazing.  God has been so faithful to us and repeatedly shown us his great commitment to answering our prayers.

At the beginning of this month I was becoming a little stressed about our fund raising when an amazing thing happened.  A great man came to me and actually said, "I want to be in charge of your fund raising".  Now, I polled numerous missionaries and none of them have ever had such a thing happen.  God is amazing.  This has given me more peace than I could have imagined at this point in our journey.

After this the missions chair at Glenwood called and said that the missions team and mission elders had agreed that Glenwood would be our sponsoring church.  Within a month we had our entire mission salary committed by the mission committee, Elders and church body.

The same month we had our dear family from Hershey, PA call and invite us to give our mission presentation to the church body.  After 3 days there we felt like we had never left.  The church just took us in and loved us.  They have committed to helping us and we are now awaiting the decision from their budget team about that commitment.

It is not their faithful commitment to the Lord that impresses me because I see that all the time in them but it is the faith that these two bodies have placed in me that not only impresses me but humbles me.  

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

After all this, I was actually able to sit down at a table in Lindale with Marty Koonce and have breakfast.  It was unfortunate that he was here because he had to rush back for the funeral of a close family member.  In spite of this I was so blessed and my heart was filled up with joy and I had the joy of reliving the excitement that we experienced the day we sat in our home with the Koonces and made that monumental and faithful decision to move to Africa.  Praise God and God bless the Koonces, His great tool in this amazing and intricate plan.

Our prayer requests for this month are:

1. our children.  they seem to be adjusting but we are just getting into a busy part of this journey and they do drop hints (likely unintentional) of their thoughts on Rwanda.  They go back and forth between being excited and being sad.  

2.  We continue to seek support for our start up funds and future work funds.  please pray for the churches that are still "pondering" our request for funds.  Rt. 230 Church of Christ, Park Plaza Church of Christ, New Hope Church of Christ, Cinco Ranch Church of Christ and Preston Road Church of Christ.

3.  We want to lift up thanks and praise to God for Glenwood Church of Christ and Rt. 230 Church of Christ for their faith in us.

4.  Peace in our home while we begin to pack and plan for packing our container.

Thank you all so much for your love and faith.  Thank you and bless you.

Brian and Kristin

11 months and counting

Well, as you can tell from the title of this blog we have 11 months remaining until our departure. We hope and plan to work and live in Tyler until August 2009. My last day at work is expected to be August 3, 2009.

The last stage we were aware of in this journey was that of the anxiousness and stress of moving, rethinking our future and the idea of leaving all that we have felt was certain and concrete in our lives (we do realize that none of it was really concrete) but many of us think of our retirement or even our job next week as "certain". Now we begin a new stage. This one has been one that is multifaceted. We have had the anxiousness of the total number of tasks that need completed before our family steps off the plane in Kigali. WOW! Huge number of things. We pray about them often but the pop up faster than we conquer them.

The other phase we are moving in at this point is humility. We have had many great friends over the last 10 years as we move along this path but it has been this decision that has shown us that our lives have touched and been touched by so many others. We have had people whom we have known for many years to just new friends and even just acquaintances stop us to tell us how much they think of our decision. We have had people that I don't even know tell us how they are inspired by our plans and faith. We have had great leaders say that they would commit themselves to us in prayer. We have had great friends commit financially. We have had people even come to us and say that they wanted to take some of our burdens away and do some of the things that are stressing us the most.

I have been so thankful that God has seen fit to humble me in this way rather than what I deserve, to be humiliated by God. I give great thanks to God for showing us others who want to walk this walk with us and to carry some of our burdens. It has made me feel that we are not alone in this journey and I am beginning to see that I am not alone in this and I am just the forward extension of the dreams and hopes of many others. I know that in my nature I may fail to meet expectations and I will be weak and even petty and shallow sometimes but by the grace of God I will be faithful, willing and able to do all that He asks of me.

I say thanks to those who have come along side of us to carry our burden. We seek so much prayer and we have given up great prayers of thanks for those who have the gifts to aid us in this journey.

Our prayers for this "month 11" are not limited to but include:
Fund raising
support team at all churches who provide funds
Our teammates the Koonces and Crowsons who will be moving to Rwanda in December
Our teammates the Reeves and Millers who are in Togo and will be on furlough next summer
Our children. We have family meetings now and the topics are usually about what they are going through.

Thank you all.
Brian and Kristin

You Give Me Joy That's Unspeakable...

Now, this is not the image you would expect to follow this title. In many Christian circles one would expect to be scolded or mocked when associating Joy with a material object but I say "blahh" to that. As you can see my boat is not one that a normal person would take pride in and so the shear ugliness of it protects me from becoming proud but without doubt it has been the focal point for much of my joy over the last 2 weeks.

This boat was bought completely without my blessing and against my better judgment. It has brought financial pain since I have spent almost as much keeping it floating (literally) and running as I did to purchase it. It has brought physical pain at the hands of my brother and brother-in-law who find their joy in turning the 75 foot rope that tethers me to the boat into a slingshot (by the way, I fully understand the principle of water being a solid surface at high speed). Yet, over the last two weeks it has brought such joy into our lives.

My brother and I have not had the greatest relationship over the last 10 years. We have been separated by distance both physically and spiritually. Over the last 10 years of our lives he and his family have not visited us once but in the last year they have been here twice. The most recent occasion was two weeks ago. We took them to the lake and spent the day on the beach and on the boat. It was such a great time of healing and joy. We had time to communicate. We enjoyed being boys again like we did as children. I had the chance to see that there was a seed of faith growing in him again and that maybe he was looking for nourishment in this visit. Oddly enough, I was nourished more than I expected. I praise God for this.

This past weekend we took our boat and went to the lake and beach again (now our favorite thing to do); this time with our dear friends the Drewetts. We have missed them since they moved to Austin. As we all were enjoying our day I could not help but wonder how many more times we would enjoy such great friends and how many wonderful memories we would make with them and so many others like them before we move to Rwanda. I was actually getting down about it and feeling depressed but then I started to think. This was opportunity to see the joy of the moment. Over the last few months I have been focusing on the future and not the present. I have been praying for peace and not only has God given me this but in the last few weeks he has given me great Joy.

I ask for prayers for joy in the moment. I have a habit of "planning joy" but that does not work with four kids. So I ask to see the joy that is in my own house with my own children.
I ask for prayer for my brother and his family and for his walk with God. He has known a close walk with God in the past and I pray he will long for it again.
Sounds silly but I pray that my boat will go all summer without failure (as it has every summer since buying it) and that it will continue to bring me and my family and my great friends joy.

Thank you

I wanted to thank each of you for praying for me and my family. We realize that we have great limitations in our abilities and personalities. Through you prayers and kind words we have found much peace in our decision and as always realize that God is God and he makes us what he wants us to be. Kristin and I have asked each other again this week, "is this the thing to do". The answer is always "yes". We are excited to be chosen for this great task and we constantly pray that we will have the strength to do this task. We know that we are not called to Rwanda to fail. We may have to measure our success by God's standards, which may be a whole new lesson for us, but we will not fail. God is great!!

We are in a valley now. We see behind us the great peaks of excitement that was the day we decided and the day we sat in our home with the Koonces and gave the rest of our lives to this work and ahead of us is the great day we will leave for Rwanda with our family. In the middle is anxiousness, frustration, waiting, stress, fund raising, and temptation to give up. I told Kristin that I hope the success and the value of what we do will be equal to the level of temptation and physical despair. It is obvious that Satan does not want this because he is trying hard to blind us from our goal.

Thank you for your prayers.

Prayer request

This is sort of an extension of the previous posting but more in the form of a prayer request.

Please be gentle in your judging of me and bold in your prayers for us.

I have been waking up at night anxious. I have called them "mini" panic attacks. I've never had a panic attack but the anxiousness that I feel is real. I have prayed about this and I have become to realize that my concerns are the concerns of a dieing flesh and hopefully a growing spirit.

I have been afraid that my talents are not suited for mission work. That I am fooling myself.
I have been afraid of taking my family all the way to Rwanda and not being able to do the job God wants me to do.
I had thoughts of not knowing or being able to discern what that job is.
I have been afraid that I will not be able to minister to others the way others on our team do.
I am afraid of being left to my own failures as a team member.
I am afraid that the the word team is a social description far more than a spiritual or working description and that I will be unable to contribute to the ministry needs of our group but rather be burden to our work.
I will find myself leading and teaching young men who need more than the faith and wisdom I can provide.

I am afraid that I cannot give to my family the things that we need spiritually, socially or emotionally.

I don't need a response to any of these just prayers. I don't believe God will allow any of these to happen but that the enemy is crafty and desires each of them to occur and to cause the failure of my work and would love for me to be convinced of my short comings. God has given me the gift of medicine and the gift of compassion and a love for His word and I know that he will make us secure in His loving and faithful arms.

I know that God has called us to another life and the pain I am feeling is the death of a future. We have know of God's desire to use us this way for over 10 years but in the last 2 years where we could see the end of our student loans coming, we let ourselves be convinced of a "brighter future". Using the monthly payments from our student loans to do "fun and exciting" things and having the quarterly bonuses all to ourselves (aside from the tithe) and enjoying the new RV, the boat, the ......

While in Dallas, Murphy said to us that he had to consciously let go of his future.

I thought we had done that but the pain resurges at the most unusual moments.

I am feeling the pain of fully dieing to self and being raised with Christ through our great and loving Father. Please pray for this continued transition. I realize it is a life long struggle but this part is really hard.

God love you all.
Brian

What is it all worth

Over the last few months we have found ourselves in a cycle of ups and downs. We find ourselves excited and anxious to get this preparation phase over with. We have stopped speaking out loud of the things we will miss and the things we are giving up. But we both think these thoughts and are reminded each time we see or hear the familiar sights and sounds of our daily lives. As I drive down the road to Lindale I pass by the RV super store and have severe chest pain thinking about the 2005 34 foot class A RV that sleeps eight I have to tell my dear friend I cannot buy. I take my kids to school every day and I see their teachers and I see Grace finally, after 5 years at Grace Community, interact and show affection for other girls in her class and then realize that she has to give that up. In church I sing out load despite the fact that I cannot sing;I realize that in 15 months I will be worshiping in a small church with very few singers and then a year after that I will find myself singing in a language I barely understand in a church planted by God through my feeble but hopefully faithful efforts. Each time I open the pantry and the lockers I built by hand I have heart ache of work done for what, to make my house (that I moved my family into) a better place to live.

I ask myself almost every day, What is this all worth? Moving to Rwanda that is. I lay awake at night wondering if changing my life to the point that I will now live on social security for the last days of my life (I hope) rather than my Trinity Clinic pension plan and my 403b and my Rabbi fund is worth it. Is it worth moving to a place where my children won't get to choose their friends but will have to seek friendship among the 15 other kids that coexist in their new world. Then the real pain comes from the thoughts of what my wife has and will give up. She has been 100% part of this decision and it is a decision we have made together but in my heart I ask myself, "What is it that God is asking of her, is it worth it to her".

I used to think of the story that Jesus told about the woman who gave her last coin when the Pharisee gave a large amount of money as a story just about giving all that you have a the time but as I read and study through the stewardship class, Matthew 28 ministries, I realize that she was not giving up her last coin and food for the day, she was giving her whole future to God. She was giving up all that she had with likely no way of getting more or knowing where more would come from. She didn't have a pension. When she put that coin in the jar she was saying to God. I give you my future. I give you my life because now I cannot sustain it. I trust in you God to sustain me and give me a new future.

I ask that of God today. I want to give up my future as I have crafted it. I am willing to give it up and I feel the pain of that. I feel the flesh dieing and it is painful. I don't ask for pain nor do I believe that suffering is going to make my sacrifice more worthy nor my work more successful but death must come to the flesh in order for their to be peace. I ask for this only. Rest in God's faithful arms.

Wise Men

After much effort, we sent out our first mission packet. Some of you have seen it and I hope you found it informative. It is a culmination of all that we want others to know about us and our work. After send them out I began to pray that God would guide them and let them arrive at their destination safely. I then began to pray for the hands that they would fall into and that those hands would be the hands of wise and faithful servants. I asked God to let these men and women read it fully and see that this is an important yet difficult work and that we are serious about our desire and we are willing to do His will. I prayed that God would give us a sign that this had happened and that we would know that others felt the significance of this ministry just as seriously as we do.

Surprisingly (we always say words like this when we forget that God is in control and that He does actually hear us) the Saturday after mailing them out, one of the wisest and Godliest men I know, my mentor and the senior medical director of the Trinity clinic stopped me while we were at a wedding and said to me, "Brian, I spent the whole morning reading your packet and just felt that this work is so bold and overwhelming but so wonderful."

I was in awe of God's power. I spoke to Him, he listened and He acted. I know that He does just this daily but to continually see God act in on behalf of such a worthless sinner as me is truly amazing and humbling.

I am so thankful that God answers prayers.

Waiting

This past weekend we mailed out our first actual fund raising packets. Some solicited, some not. We are certainly anxious to hear about both. We have been praying for the packets and the people who would receive them. We are confident that God will be continually faithful in providing for us, just as he had been in the past. He has blessed us greatly over the last 5 years and I certainly hope we have had the chance to bless others over the years. It is odd. Many times we have heard of people who had needs and have prayed and given freely but I cannot remember ever asking God to nudge anyone to give to me financially. Ironically though, despite the fact that we do so well, people who are not so blessed have sent us money in the past. Never could understand why. Point is, it is humbling and foreign to us to send out letters in order to raise enough money for a family of six to live on.

I would ask each of you to pray for us and the packets. Pray that they will fall into understanding and generous hands. We are burdened by so many needs for our new work that has not even begun yet. Actually I am the list maker and have many lists and a certain amount of stress attached to each one. I have begun to find peace as Kristin and friends remind me that God is the giver and he is faithful. Please pray that I will not forget to do the things that are important now and to focus on loving my wife, my children and taking care of my patients in a way that is deserving of their faith in me.

God bless,
Brian

Blessings

This week has been a mix of great anxiousness and great blessings. I am of course reminded of Philippians 4:6;

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

As faithful as I feel sometimes this is hard for me. I am a person who believes that I can make most anything happen and have been humbled by God many times as a result, some lessons have been quite painful. Anyway, this week have been telling friends and coworkers of our intent to move to Africa and have been met with mixed emotions. All are happy, few are surprised and some are heartbroken. Such was one today. We actually told a close friend last night and after the initial "I knew it would come" and an attempt at a strong outward "happiness" I was met this morning by pure emotional heartbrokeness. During the course of the day, many of my coworkers asked many questions about the work we want to do, were we were going to live and about support. We talked about all of these. During our talk about money the subject of how much money we needed came up and then "what will you spend that money on" was the inevitable next question. I told them about how we had to have new major appliances because we did not have 220 volt appliances here in the states and that Africa had 220 outlets. I also mentioned that my computers were very old and at this age, had small storage and were unreliable. We talked about other things like mattresses, couches, expenses for shipping containers, school for the kids and vehicles.

Well this evening our friend called and asked to bring dinner over and when she arrived gave me and Kristin each cards. In the card, besides tidings of love, were checks. In mine was enough money to buy a new Mac computer and in Kristin's was a check for enough money to buy all the major appliances we will need in Africa. I would like to say that I was stunned but I have to say that I have always been blessed by her love and generosity for our family and was not surprised by the great gifts. We praise God for her generosity and ask God to bless her spirit with peace.

Back But Ready To Go

Well, we have arrived home safe and we now have or at least know the location of all our luggage. We have suffered greatly from jet lag. We are cranky. If you think and adult is difficult to deal with when tired and jet lagged, you should see an 8 year old. We did not get along well yesterday.

We at least made it home safe. Now that we are home we have been anxiously preparing our first mail out for our mission to Rwanda. We have been writing letters, making budgets and praying.

We have began making lists and planning for our move and the details that need to be taken care of to make our move safe and successful. I thought I was a list person but now I am in overload. It is almost fun but at the end of the day, fun is not quite the right word. We pray that God will give us endurance and help us be complete and diligent.

I have begun to inform our friends family and coworkers of our plans and I can say it is aging me. Every time I have to sit down with a coworker, administration or friends, I get chest pain. We have been met by so many different levels of reactions. We have been mostly overwhelmed by repeated encouragement and words of encouragement. It is blessed to hear so many people say, we knew this day would come or, I already knew this would happen. It is so great to see that we have been seen as the people we have tried to be. This is a testimony to the Lord and His presence in us. We pray that His amazing spirit will continue to abide in us. We continually seek prayers from each of you and ask that you will remind others of our need for prayer.

God bless.

Ready to Go

Well, it's time to go. The Neal's (Don and Jane) are arriving soon to pray with us for our trip. We have been so blessed by their encouragement, as we have all of you, and we are so happy that they asked to come to the house this morning to pray over us.

I can hardly believe this step has arrived. The Cashes seem to be in such need of distraction. We hope God will give them encouragement while we are there. We hope we can adequately express the love that Glenwood has sent with us.

We are asking God to show us the need he has for us in Rwanda. We have asked God to let this trip be a learning trip, not a deciding trip. We have made our decision but God will make this trip what he wants. We have asked God to put us in the hands of others who are ministering to the Rwandans and to show us how we can provide love and hope to the people of Ruhengeri. We will be driving to Ruhengeri on March 18 and will need your prayers. We will be praying for the city and the people who live there and ask God to make us a safe home there.

God bless you all and thank you for your prayers.

Almost ready

Well, we are on the final countdown. I have one more day of work this week. We have began our packing. Kristin is awesome. She has packed each kid for each leg of their trips. Samuel went to my mom's house this weekend. Madelyn and Aaron will go to Kristin's parents tomorrow. Madelyn will get picked up by my mom in OKC next week. Grace will spend 3 days at Avon Adam's house then join us in our trip to Africa. Kristin planned and packed for each leg of each person's trip in addition to packing us for Orlando on Thursday followed immediately by the flight to Africa. We have packed 8 trunks for Africa, too many. It will cost us. We have been putting stuff in the trunks like puzzles. I suppose it is good practice for our own mission.

In the end we are ready and tired. We will overcome.

At this point Grace is more excited to stay at Avon's home that the trip to Africa.

In regard to our mission. We have been praying for God to show his continual faithfulness and show us some areas that he is going to support our family. Over the weekend he has given us confirmation that two churches are going to give us financial support for Rwanda. We don't know the dollar amounts yet and are still praying for this part. We are still praying for good people and good churches to step up and commit assistance to fill the needs that are remaining after these commitments.

Please pray with us for these issues. Pray for our children while we are gone. Please pray for our trip. Pray for the Cashes.

Getting Ready

Well, it has been a while since adding to my blog. Bad for me, I know. It has been a difficult couple of weeks. Ask any doctor who admits to Trinity Mother Francis what their week was like. The hospital is busting at the seams. There were, on average, 23 people spending their stay in the ER rather than in a regular room because there was no room in the inn. Three of those were mine during the week before last. It would have been four but the last one was 12 and we had to find her a room since she was a minor. (no pediatric trained nurses in the ER). In addition to that my online bible class at Harding continued pile on the work. I was overwhelmed by the work and it showed. By the grace of God I was able to keep afloat by doing 2 weeks worth of homework before I started call. This was going great until last Sunday night when I realized that I did not have a 10 question quiz over Colossians 3 and 4 on that Wednesday but it was "Test 2" with 100 questions over Ephesians, Philippians and Colossians. Oh well. God granted me more knowledge than I needed. It is hard to settle for less than 100% when you've been to Medical school. I did have to settle.

We are nearing our trip to Uganda and Rwanda. We are flying to Uganda on March 10 and staying with the Cashes until March 17. We are going from the Cashes to Kigali Rwanda on March 17 and will be visiting the Jenkins, Shewmakers and hopefully the Beards while in Kigali. I hope to meet with some of the people in the Ministry of Health for Rwanda to see if there is a way for me to use my medical training in Rwanda. We will go to Ruhengeri for a couple days by car (kind of excited to drive in Rwanda, don't tell Kristin that I'm excited; it kind of worries her). When we get to Ruhengeri we will try to meet with Drs. Caleb and Louise King who are doctors in the Musanzi region. They are about an hour south of Ruhengeri. I want to see how their work is set up and by the end of the trip I would like to see if God wants to use me a pure church planting capacity or in partially or wholly medical mission manner. I truly have no idea how this will look later in the future.

We are excited about the whole trip but need prayers for endurance, especially for our daughter Grace. We pray that she will love it. She has no clear idea that we are going to move to Rwanda but she knows we have been talking about spending more time with the Koonces and Crowsons and we have asked her about whether she is interested in living near them. She seem skeptical but she is not stupid and gives us hints that she thinking about the things we have been discussing in "code" the last few months.

We really want to be blessings to the Cashes and we want to receive so much blessing from them. We hope God will show us a vision of the faith that keeps them in Uganda.

We have not started packing but will likely do so tomorrow. We are excited by the challenge of making all 6-9 trunks weigh 50 lb. It is like a puzzle. I hate puzzles.

We need prayers for
Endurance
self control
safety
vision of God's purpose for our mission
vision to see what is real in Rwanda and not let Satan cover our minds and the eyes of our hearts with false images of superficial contentment in the Rwandan people. We want to see the pain and the suffering, we want to see the emptiness and the pain that the genocide brought.
We hope that we will take your prayers with us and hope God will hear you and remind us of each person praying for us so that we can also pray for you.

Shots, shots and more shots

I am tired this week. We have began making plans for our first trip to Uganda and Rwanda. We are certainly excited but to say the least overwhelmed. This week started the shots. Shots, shots and more shots. To say the least, Grace is reconsidering her excitement about traveling to Africa. Madelyn could get hit by a truck and brush it off but Grace; Imagine a very large nurse with a needle in one hand and a determined look on her face, wildly poking at a moving target that is Graces arm with my hand around it. The odds of the needle going into her arm rather than my hand is not 1:1. My hand is in serious danger and I just had the same immunization and I certainly don't want it again, in the back of my hand. We made it. She is now immune to Meningococci. Near fatal death if caught by a teenager but fatal if caught by an 8 year old. The argument, It will be good for you in the long run did not help matters.
I have been continuing my class on the Prison Epistles online at Harding. I absolutely love it. I was sitting on a plane coming back from San Diego after a weekend plagued by delayed and canceled flights, and I realized that I had actually been reading my bible and my text for about 10 hours. I found joy in this. I do not boast because I have to say most of the time was re-reading what some British commentator had to say about Philippians. He doesn't write the way I talk. I can understand why some people get so excited about the depth of this kind of study. I can tell that I already have more confidence and ability to speak God's word (not really very good at it). I find that filling a half hour at bible study is easier. Part of this is that over the last 3 months I have continually prayed for God to give me a greater gift for speaking his word out loud to others. I'm not a great speaker nor a great student of the word but God has energized me through the deep meaning of his word. The pace at which one is expected to read the textbooks and write papers is nearly overwhelming. I certainly need prayers for this. Oddly enough I have been fasting directly for this issue and even my patients ask nearly every day if I have lost wt. Don't know how you can tell in a man who was already at 136.
Our prayer requests are for our trip to Africa. We want to be an encouragement for the Cashes. We ask that we will not be a burden on the Cashes. We ask for a safe flight. We pray that God will connect us to the other missionaries in Rwanda the way he has to the Koonces and the Crowsons.
We ask for prayer for fund raising. We pray for people and churches who can first pray for us and then pray for their giving. We ask God to provide for us in a stable way during our commitment. We pray that God will move churches and people in the year to come and prepare them financially for this giving. We have been in contact with multiple churches and ask that the Holy Spirit will weave our path in with theirs.
We continue to ask for prayers for our families as they are still trying to grasp this entire issue. They are praying and being faithful to this commitment of prayer.

I continually pray for all of you who have prayed for us.
God bless.

Climbing Water Towers

God has been showing me for months just exactly how he wants me to see him and how he wants me to trust in him and rely upon him for my future.

I missed this lesson for months but as I was relating a story about my son Samuel I realized that God had been speaking to me for a long time about what I would say is our future in Rwanda.

For over a year Samuel has been conjuring up ideas in his head of what he wanted to be when he was big. He first followed the same path as many boys his age and said he wanted to be a cowboy. He then graduated to being a cowboy and living on a farm with a big RV that he and daddy lived in. He wanted me to work on the farm with him when he was older. I could think of nothing more wonderful than living with my son on a farm. After a couple of months he changed his plans and decided that he wanted to be a water tower painter. He and I were to climb the towers and paint them when towns called us. We spent months listening to the loud cries of a 4 year old in the back seat each time we passed a water tower, "Daddy, we're going to paint that water tower, you and me!" Then it was on to moving to Hershey Pennsylvania, where I did my medical training, to work in the chocolate factory. He and I are going to make Hershey Kisses and candy bars.

In each plan, he has one recurring theme. It will be he and I. (english majors keep silent about that last statement) He has no concept of a future without me right there with him, helping him do whatever hard work there is to do. He is not even afraid of climbing water towers as long as I am there with him. WOW! What a picture of God.

Deuteronomy 31:6
So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the LORD your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

Romans 8:31
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

I can go on and on. But my point is that just like Samuel, I know if my Father goes ahead of me and is there when I get there, I will not fail. I will be able to climb water towers. And they will be beautiful towers when we are done.

Prayers

Over the last number of weeks we have visited congregations we have never been to before, spoken with people we have never met and worshiped with strangers. We had people coming up to us by the end of the worship and telling us that they were praying for us and would continue to do so.

In addition, I am taking an online class and have mentioned on that website that my family and I are going to be moving to Africa and the number of people who have emailed me and told me they were praying for me was 100% of the members of my class.

These and the number of our dear friends and beloved family that continually encourage us in prayer are staggering and quite humbling.

I am truly humbled by Gods spirit in these great worriers. I have always read and been aware of the "body" analogy that Paul uses to describe the church. I don't know why I am always amazed when someone says that they are praying for me since they are the body and image of Christ. In Ephesians 1 Paul states "22And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, 23which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way." Paul is saying that the body, the church is the fullness of Christ. It is to be and represent all that Christ is in all his attributes. Christ always prayed. He always took his fears and the needs of others to the father. I thank all of you who go before our great Father to pray and fast for me and my family, for being the essence and fullness of Christ. We cherish your prayers. Keep them coming. They are working.

We also want each of you to know that we have prayed your name to God so that your strenght and endurance will continue.

The Roller Coaster Ride

This has been quite a month. Over the last month, Kristin and I have been asking God to show us his will for our lives. We have had an emotional roller coaster and in the end, as most roller coasters do, we glided to a smooth steady halt. But unlike the roller coaster analogy, the ride is far from over. We have been praying and fasting over the month of December in order to see more clearly what the Holy Spirit has planned for us.

Not many people currently read this blog and I feel I know the names of most who do so I hope I can safely write the things that need to be said. I ask that unless previously stated, the contents of this blog will remain only in the hearts of those invited to read. A time is quickly coming when all will know what God has planned for us but today is not that day.

Over 10 years ago, God began to speak to Kristin and me about his plan for our lives. We began to feel a burden to become missionaries. As I am accustomed to doing, I took it upon myself to "figure out how this would look in the future" and after visiting the Predisan clinic in Honduras back in 2001 I was convinced that God wanted us to do full time medical missions in that region. We spent many years waiting for God to bring about the right time for this transition but he just kept saying, "No, this is not the time".

After moving to Tyler, Texas we settled into a life that was pleasant and plentiful and enjoyed this for years. The burden of our student loans and the need to begin a journey towards becoming debt free began to weigh us down. Now looking back this journey has been intermingled with the journey to fulfill our first desire. To become more for God. We had no idea that both would come at us in such amazing, but painful ways.

When we sold our house in 2005 we were just numb from the experience. We new we could afford it, we knew it was a good size for our family but it was just painful to us to be bogged down with that much debt. We began seeking God's help with our debt and after taking Crown Ministries debt class we felt that we could do more and that God had a purpose for this pain.

We spent and amazing weekend last month with Marty and Louise Koonce and after spending hours with them we have realized that God was calling us to the mission field very soon. But, we could not understand why he was not calling us to Honduras. In addition to this, we had become comfortable with where we were at and have become "emotionally attached to our future". After a month of praying and fasting we were blessed with the chance to meet Murphy and Christine Crowson while they were on furlough in Ft. Worth. We fell in love with them immediately, just as I had experienced with the Koonces. We just felt that God had pulled us together do something greater than we could have imagined for ourselves. We discovered that they and their parents had been praying for more teammates that were skilled and wired in a way that complimented their skills and personalities.

Now we look back over the last 10 years and realize that God has been calling and preparing us for this very task at every turn.

Kristin and I are giving up our emotional attachment to our future, this is painful, and we are taking our family to Rwanda in 2009 and we will accept both the difficulties and the great joy God has planned for us and our family among a people who are so spiritually scarred and lost.

We ask for the prayers of everyone. This blog is open to all who will support us and as of today it will become a place to read about our journey to Rwanda.