A Whole New Life

What, are we crazy?

This is my first blog entry ever. Be patient.

I am a doctor and I practice endocrinology (don't ask). Actually this is the study and practice of glandular disease such as diabetes, thyroid, adrenal gland disease, pituitary disease and other metabolic disorders.

My family and I are committed to the service of God and continually seek his guidance in our lives. We continually seek God in our decisions and I have always felt weak in my faith but constantly seek God to fill me with strength and the will power to minister to others. My "pulpit" is my office and I continually seek opportunities to pray with and encourage my patients. I have to honestly say that I feel inadequate in my healing of the body but God has often helped me to minister to the spirit of people and this often leads me to the knowledge I need to diagnose and heal their bodies. I have a deep desire to give to others and feel God has given me my job in order to provide financially for others more than to heal. I hope that those who read this will understand how important I believe in ministering to the poor, weak and hungry and realize that I can never be comfortable in a world of wealth and indulgence.

I have recently read a study book on grace by John Ortberg. In this book, the author paints of picture of God's grace through the 23rd Psalm. In my study I was lead to Psalm 51, categorized as one of the penitential psalms or psalm of confession that follows David's own realization of his sin against his nation and his God.

¹ Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.

² Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

³ For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

⁴ Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.

⁵ Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

⁶ Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

⁷ Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

⁸ Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

⁹ Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

¹⁰ Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

¹¹ Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

¹³ Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you.

¹⁴ Deliver me from bloodguilt, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

¹⁵ Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

¹⁶ You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

¹⁷ My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.

¹⁸ May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.

¹⁹ Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

I have always sang this psalm as a song around the fire at camp or in devotional or in chapel while in college. I regret that I never looked it up but rather just sang the words passively and never realized why I wanted God to "create in me a clean heart" and why the restoration of his joy in my heart was so important. He hates sin but he knows that I am a sinner and that will not change until the day he takes me home. Yet he loves me and renews a right spirit in me so that I may turn sinners to Him. I have always felt that I was not good enough to minister to others because of my sin and I have compensated by making the one gift I thought I had, money, into a sacrifice and lost sight of the mercy and grace he had in store for others.

From this I realize that the gift that I always thought was my greatest has become a point of pride and I had forgotten to give of my heart and offer up to God prayers for growth of other gifts within me. Although it is my responsibility to give financially to those in need, the Lord God does not need my money (my self proclaimed sacrifice) but rather the desires a broken spirit and contrite heart. Only then will he accept my gifts of food, rent, car payments, and so many other money oriented gifts to those around me.

My wife and I have been aching with a decision that we earnestly believe God is putting on our hearts. We have committed ourselves to fasting a praying for his voice in our lives over the next couple weeks. We desire prayers of our closest friends and family.

Pray requests:
Prayers for clarity and discernment of God's voice (more details to come later).
Prayer for the Cash family who are currently suffering pain and heartbreak in light of the recent Ebola outbreak in Uganda. It has touched their family so closely through the near destruction of one of God's ministries in Uganda.
Prayers for the Koonce family, another African missionary family planning to transition from Togo to Rwanda. They are on furlough and will be leaving soon to return to Togo.

God Bless my wonderful wife and family who has continually supported me in my desire to change all that we know. She is truly of God.